Don't Text Spencer: Using Eating Disorder Recovery Skills in Everyday Life

A few days ago, I felt lonely. I wanted to smile and laugh with someone. Instead of calling a true friend who I knew would listen and cheer me up, I sent a text message to Spencer, a guy who predictably ignores me. I sent the message, and, of course, he ignored me. Why did I expect a different result?

One definition of insanity is, "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I think I am insane. That's the bad news. The good news is that -- thanks to my work in recovery from my eating disorder -- I can diagnose insanity rather quickly in my life today and work toward positive growth.

During the depths of my eating disorder, my life was immersed in insane thinking. For example, I knew that restricting inevitably led to bingeing. (Not sometimes, not most of the time, but every time.) Yet, I would still restrict and expect not to binge. "This time, it will be different," I thought. It was never different. It wasn't different until I was different. I have heard it said nothing changes if nothing changes. I slowly began to change.

Gratefully, today, after years of hard work, I no longer have insane moments with food. But I still have my insane moments in life. (Those of you who know me personally are nodding your heads up and down right now in agreement.) My challenge today is to recognize these insane ways of thinking and then to move in the direction of positive change. Awareness is key.

The next time I feel lonely, I won't text Spencer. I am making a commitment to myself right now to call my friend, Melanie, instead.

That's positive change. That's going sane!

Comments

[Shannon Cutts]

Oh my goodness..­..I have had my share of Spencers over the years too! But they always responded to my demand for their presence. So now I am working on demanding different - healthier - company. How cool that you caught what you were doing so quickly and were also able to blog about it so those of us (read: me) who have been known to do the exact same thing under stress would know we are not alone...an­d receive a timely reminder NOT to do that next time! :)

[Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh - Huffpost Blogger]

We all have a Spencer, I'm sure!

Here's to being and surrounding ourselves with the Melanies!!

[Jill Prager]

sometimes the simplest ways of change are just acknowledging behavior that yields negative results. and, sometimes the easiest ideas for positive results are sometimes the hardest concepts to actually grasp and put into action. well, that's how it is for this eating disordered woman. thanks for reminding me that, for today, i have a choice... i can choose to sit in old ways and receive the old results or i can make a different decision, act on it and bask in the results of newness.
the gift of change is really that... a gift!

[Sharon Peterson]

I agree with Laura. We all have a Spencer of some type. SO important for us to learn to use a better filter when we're hurting & need to reach out to someone. We must chose carefully. I've learned to surround myself with positive people & businesses. I try to stay far away from the negative ones.

Sharon R Peterson, LCSW-C
Founding Director
Eating Disorder Network of Central Maryland
www.ednofcentralmaryland.com