Wishing that life was always, well, rainbows and sunshine, I realize that moving into and through my experience with depression is where I learn the most about myself.
But, what do you do when you find yourself unable to move out of a depressive state? Heck, what do you do when what you really, truly feel like is shit?
Change the way you are relating your experience.
I have found myself eager and ready for a change, a change much greater than atmospherical temperature. There was a heightened emphasis on wanting to plant the seeds of my life, seeds housing both my short and long term dreams. With just consideration, I found myself catapulted into an arena of, "I can't, it won't work out, I'm stuck, it's too hard, it doesn't make sense for me, why does everyone else have it?" Before I knew it, these very thoughts began to sprout in my mind, impacting my physical health, my emotional presence, consequently impact my life. I found myself wanting to relate only my hardships, I suppose looking for an exit strategy. But, the truth is, the way I was choosing to relay my experience was causing me more pain and suffering in return. The truth is, the more I sung the song of a victim to the circumstances of my life, the more stuck and hopeless I felt, further increasing my sense of depression.
If we have freedom to share how hard we feel our life is, then we sure have the same freedom in sharing our opportunities and blessings. As a single mother, in the past I would feel suffocated by the responsibilities serving as the emotional and physical back bone for my children -- this was my story and you can bet what I experienced in return was closed-ness, hardship between my ex and I, feelings of disconnection and resentment. Consciously making a choice to shift from "this is how hard it is," to, "well, I can feel overwhelmed at times, but I am open to support, I am open to receiving," changed my life.
What are the changes you can make right now to move your energy forward?
Be your minds scientist.
Are you experiencing yourself as a coiled up tight rope, fully stretched out? Awesome! Then you are blessed with an opportunity to unravel, in becoming your minds scientist.
I understand the hardness of feeling stuck, the discomfort and shame around having boughten into a misbelief that somehow life is meant to be experienced with suffering. Perhaps then, consider that there is another way of being, another way of existing. And, it is totally accessible!
When a thought comes in, get curious, do your research, become the scientist of your mind.
When a thought leaves you feeling constricting with an achey chest, trust that it is neither supportive or your truth. However, when a thought comes in and you find yourself feeling expanded, feeling ignited, it is a supportive truth -- it is a thought wanting to support you in rebalancing, in finding your center.
The beautiful message in all we experience is, we are not what we think about ourselves! Feelings of uncertainty, depression and stuck-ness can in fact serve us as an opportunity to evaluate the judgments we are holding against ourselves. Ask questions. Is there a theme of thoughts coming forward? Are you noticing a patterning around when they are ramped up? Get curious with what it is you think your thoughts are trying to tell you. Give those deep seeds of insecurity, in feelings of unworthiness or fear around love a space to come forward. Once they are forward, you have the power to let the story supporting them go. Be curious, be intimate with your thoughts, with your rhythm. Go ahead, breathe and unwind your tight rope one coil at a time.
What's stopping you from moving in a "beautiful life?"
The art of gratitude.
So many times I have found myself relaying an experience through the lens of dooms day, you know, this is how it is not working, what I don't like about it, why I am mad, and of course ample room for how I am not responsible for my circumstance. A lifestyle of disappointment is firm breeding ground for feelings of depression. Relaying our experience through a lens of disappointment underneath conveys a deeper translation our wanting protection. When we expect disappointment in our lives, it becomes a comfortable way of being, a crutch. With low expectations, we can stay guarded, the risk of living feels good n'low. It is hard to let others in from a place of protection, lending an experience with life as exclusionary. Said in another way, I shut you out, and will lock myself in.
Practicing gratitude can serve as an antidote to minimizing experienced feelings with depression. As feelings of depression can feel suffocating, exhausting and cyclical, often a solo exclusionary process. Gratitude becomes the little sliver of hope in the dark. Practicing gratitude is an inclusive process saying, I am choosing to see the opportunities, the blessings in my life. I am choosing to lower my walls to have an experience with feeling good. Gratitude is the switch of light that is our personal game changer, allowing an experience with love.
What is the most courageous loving thing you did?
Sometimes our stories become the wall that maintains the separation we are experiencing- serving as protection. The way through it is the willingness to let go of our stories, in surrendering. The message is: When you change inside, everything changes.