What If He Were Your Child?

I just read the story about Brandon Patrick, the 23 year-old Tulsa man who was viciously attacked because of his sexual orientation. Apparently, just walking down the street invoked such hostility among his attackers that they screamed homophobic slurs at him before viciously attacking him, ultimately sending him to the hospital. Another hate crime in another city. Only Patrick wasn't just walking down any street in any neighborhood. It's my old neighborhood. The one where I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

To say that I am sickened by this crime is a given. For me to even try to understand this kind of hatred -- a hatred based solely on who a person is -- impossible. To imagine that this crime happened near my old house, in a place where my family lives ... horrifying. You see, I've always thought of Tulsa as a gay-friendly city. I have always bragged that it is sophisticated; the majority of the people educated. 15th Street, Utica Square and Brookside, trendy upscale areas, are close by. There are shops that carry Armani, swell old department stores, and restaurants worthy of a Michelin star ... how could a hate crime happen here? I would be angry if I weren't so sad.

Here's the part that really gets me: Oklahoma's hate-crimes law makes it a crime to "intimidate or harass another person because of the person's race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin or disability." But not sexual orientation? Are there still American citizens out there who believe that civil rights don't belong to every human being?

The U.S. House of Representatives passed a bill earlier this month, also known as "The Matthew Shepard Act," that would expand the 1969 U.S. federal hate crime law, making it a federal offense to assault someone because of their sexual orientation. I pray that it is approved and that President Obama signs it into law quickly. I pray that I don't have to read about any more citizens on any more streets in any more cities in this country being attacked for being who they are.

I am not gay, but I am a mother. I don't know about you, but I can't help but ask, what if he were my child?

 

 

Comments

[DRDelMar]

What a beautifully written essay about a tragic event. I hope Ms. Gardner follows up on this story and lets readers know if the criminals were caught and if they were brought to justice.

[Jennifer Evans Gardner - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you. I just heard that the hate crime bill has been sent to Obama for signature, so that is a little good news!

[William50]

America is a dangerous place. These attacks are terrible. They are wrong because the people doing the attacks are allowed the right to teach their form of hate in America. There will always be such attacks simply because of the fact we are human...

To comment on the attacks is good, to shout that they are wrong is also correct, but it is like the President talking to a group of Democrats, you are not getting threw to those who do the crime. To get threw means to go inside the legal, protected groups that preach hate. Like the Arabs that took the planes, until they attack they are not guilty of anything, so the best way to defend agaisnt such attacks are; watch where you are, same kind of attack was in Wyoming a few years ago, learn self defense, the cops are always twenty minutes away and carry a legal form of protection.
The crimes will continue in the best of towns. If, you are willing to understand that you can be hated and attacked out of nowhare or anywhere and refuse to beleive that the police will be there (they can't) then take a positive step in personal protection...grizzly bear spray does wonders (you never know when you might run up against a griz!) you will have done more then the average person and may be in a position to stop the attack.
middleamerican2010
Casey

[Liberal Angel]

These homophobes never think about the consequences of their hatred and intolerance. They never think that their own families will be targets of the same hate they put out there. People just don't think. My heart goes out to that poor boy.

[dawnherscher]

Thanks Jennifer, that's really awful!
In this very inhumane world, it's amazing that anyone stays human...thank you for your senstivity and humanity.
Dawn

[rcmemos]

thanks jennifer for your brutal honesty. we must do all we can to fight ignorance and fear - otherwise that fear turns into Anger.. Not fun. Having this dialogue helps. i toop ray that President Obama signs the bill into law soon.. keep fighting the good fight! roger c. memos

[Jennifer Evans Gardner - Huffpost Blogger]

So true. I just heard that the hate crime bill has just gone to Obama for signature, so hopefully it won't be long.

[demauz]

I, too, am appalled by this senseless act of violence -- and I'm a Tulsa resident! This happened only about a mile and a half from my home -- this is NOT MY Tulsa! MY Tulsa is a loving, supporting, forward-looking city, where people HELP each other, such as our 93-year old friend who, by the way, is a strong and sprightly 93-year-old, taking his chain saw and cutting away the carnage left by our ice storm the Christmas before last. This is the city with the world-renowned ballet company. This is the city where my children grew up. This is NOT a violent, crime-ridden place. I am shocked and saddened and, yes, ashamed that this happened in my city.

[LilyDee]

My one and only child, my teenaged son was the victim of a wrongful death.
These six years since, I have spent a lot of my energy keeping my perspective.
My beliefs inform me I am not vengence and those that created this result/situation will answer for allowing my beautiful blue-eyed boy to die.
But I can get really angry at these folks. I have little "quality" life left due to them and mourn the life I should have had.
The settlement hardly allows me to pardon or give them any slack.
It is impossible to imagine the world on the other side of the door that Mothers who have lost their children go through.
I have no will to live, but I know I have a purpose in my living.

The worse thing for me has been well-intentioned folks telling me to get on with my life...ouch
I was supposed to be the Mother of the groom , the GrandMother, etc. y'know?
My Heart goes out to his family.
His Mother will never be the same as part of her will be in a place that others can truly grasp who have not walked through that door.
In my case, I came kicking and screaming.

[SCmommy]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I am inspired by your statement, "I have no will to live, but I know I have a purpose in my living." You are a remarkable woman, and I'm sure your son was a wonderful person. I'm so very sorry.

[Jennifer Evans Gardner - Huffpost Blogger]

I am devastated to hear about your son. I cannot imagine your pain, and am so moved by your strength. I also cannot imagine how angry you must be -- how could you help it? But you are right about the vengeance. It would only hurt you more. Thank you for such an honest and important comment.

[minimalist syntax]

I am so sorry for the tragedy that has happened in your life.

[MerhabaAbi]

HI Lily,

I feel for you. I couldn't imagine going through what you have. I hope you find your way through.

warmest regards,
little brother

[LilyDee]

Thank you all for these kind words and well wishes.

I want to add that looking back, I wish just once, just one time, I would have thought that my son's passing before me was ever an option.
With that, there would have been many things I would have changed or tweeked.
As with any stretch you feel your imagine has, there is no way to imagine this type of loss and no language that I know of that describes it.

The one thing I would have not changed is my counsel to him:
Make sure that through his every action and every deed and the way he was chosing to live his daily life, that on any given day, make sure it is a good day to die and you a right with yourself and the world he lived in.

I am proud of this President including anyone who needs protection from the hate we see manifest in our America these days and from those willing to act upon that hate.
As I found with many of my probation wards in my foster care, they just don't think there is any bigger justice for their actions where it involves a victim of their choices.

[Charlotte Safavi - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks for sharing. I feel your anger and your sadness... I hope The MS Act gets signed soon too.