Dear Sherri Shepherd re: Beating Your Kid
If Martin Luther King can preach and live no violence against people who hated, degraded and even killed his fellow African-Americans and was able to find another more powerful way to make his point then surely you, Sherri, and all of us as parents can figure out a way to communicate with those that we love most without resorting to violence. Period.
This is what the late Magda Gerber, the founder of RIE (Resource for Infant Educarers) had to say on the subject of spanking:
The following information explains some pros and cons of spanking. You can take these ideas in and make a choice about whether you think spanking will be a form of discipline you will use in child rearing.
What good it does:
Stops undesirable behavior immediately.
What harm it does:
1. It teaches your child to hit when she is angry and encourages further abuse.
2. It closes the line of communication as you are not verbalizing your rationale.
3. Tears down self-esteem.
4. Displays inequality of two human beings -- 'I can hit you, but you can't hit me.'
5. Produces aggression and physical violence that children carry throughout their lives.
6. The child behaves from fear of being spanked, rather than from respect for parents' wishes.
7. Teaches negative approach to problem solving.
8. Builds up resentment towards parents and offers no way of coping.
9. Nothing positive learned.
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Let's see, this is the woman who isn't sure that the world is round and not flat? The same woman whose historical timeline is according to the book of Genesis? I don't think she's got the mental acquity to come up with a better way of discipline other than hitting (let's be clear, spanking is a euphemism for hitting)her kid. I think you're just going to have to say it loudly and clearly -- Hey, Sherrie, it doesn't matter where you are, hitting your kid for any reason is wrong! And, what was Barbara thinking when she hired this idiot? It must've been payback to Joy Behar for all those months she was upstaged by Rosie, because Sherrie does provide Joy with an unending supply of material.
Ugh--This argument has as many angles as can be. I was a nanny for a few years, and I can tell you that spanking was not the answer in my experience because mainly it's going to be a short term pain, and the kid is just going to look at anything they do is avoiding the spanking...NOT avoiding the action.
But for Sherri herself? Your kid is TWO. If he's used to a nap, and you take him shopping, he's gonna be cranky. The fault of this---YOU. He's TWO. Whuppin' him, even a swat for his being "outta line?" He's not! He's two, he's tired, he's cranky...AND, you're the idiot who took him out instead of giving him an hour to continue his routine! DUH!
It's interesting. What I see in some of the comments here is a belief that violent action is the only effective way to discipline a child.
There are plenty of ways to discipline a child that don't involve physical pain. I say this as a parent, and also as the director of a residential treatment facility that specializes in children with behavioral difficulties.
It seems apparent to me that there are plenty of ways of providing structure and consequences to children. By utilizing pain, parents who spank are essentially admitting that they have run out of ideas.
spanking is an outmoded concept, like smoking wherever and whenever the hell you want... people spank their kids because they don't know any better... they should work on defeating their own ignorance...
children DO need to learn that there are consequences to their actions, but what says it has to be through physical violence? you ground a kid (no friends, movies, etc. for two weeks), take away their bike/Xbox, etc. for a month and they often get the picture... spanking is for narrowminded parents too lazy to think outside the box they live in...
I normally don't like to get involved in this discussion because as an African American male raising a African American male, I will be damned if I am going to let some one who is not let those who will never know my experience try to tell me how to raise a African American man in this society... Sherri Shepard when using the word beat she meant whupping she was not really beating her child... Our kids need their butts whupped... I would rather do it then have the police do it because my child was out on a Saturday night with his friends... I blame her for not allowing her son to sleep... that is where she went wrong... As for this ridiculous post Jennifer Lehr needs to walk a mile in the shoes that Sherri and her son will walk in and then she will see why Sherri and most African American families have to take a hand or a belt to their childs but because it is better we do it then some over zealous police officer...
There are many people posting comments on this column that do not understand the difference between a spanking and a beating. A beating is assault and meant to cause harm. It is child abuse. A spanking is a little swat on the butt and a attention getter. The embarrassment is usually worse than any little sting the child experiences. Once a child knows a parent will spank them the threat is enough to change their behavior.
Alot of you like to spout your little psychobabble about child rearing. Most of you have no idea what you are talking about. I hope at least 10% of you are correct about how well behaved your kids are without having ever been spanked. I doubt the numbers are that high. I also doubt your friends, family and neighbors would agree with you about how well behaved most of your kids are. I and many others posting comments in favor of spanking see you and your kids at the malls and stores. You are the parents struggling to get your wild kids to behave and counting to 3...over and over as if that will do some good.
How many out there have seen ineffectual parents with out of control kids this month? Did they threaten to spank the little brat or did they talk about their feelings and count to 3?
Forty some years ago, my father was active in having my school district stop using corporal punishment. My parents effectively disciplined my sister and me without violence. I have twin sons. When they were younger, they used to hit each other. I found it effective to tell them--so I should hit you to teach you not to hit your brother. They'd break up in laughter & got the message. To quote Isaac Asimov, "Violence is the last resort of the incompetent."
i got the impression that she was tongue-in- cheeking it with that comment
I remember being spanked once when I was a kid, but I was never beat by my parents. There is a differance. And the anti-spanking people will never understand that. Sherri beats her kids, she doesn't know how to spank.
P.S. the spanking didn't hurt, it was the humiliation that got my attention.
Sherri Shepherd's ignorance is an insult to
women
blacks
Christians
humans (and any other intelligent life form)
As a child, I was spanked by both of my parents, and attended schools where corporal punishemnt was dished out regularly. Spanking teaches children that there is a consequence for their actions.
Kids today are pampered, and unruly as a result. Now, parents are expected to negotiate with their kid and then put the kid in "time out." FOrget it. My kids wil be spanked when it is called for.
Spanking should only be used rarely which is was with my parents. Use it too much and then it turns kinky and has no effect and could lead to them growing up abusing their own children.
My aunt (a 1st gen Irish) did this and her remaining children have tried to avoid her mistakes altho one is dead and one has served prison time, the remaining ones are somewhat dysfunctional but I dunno how they raise their kids hopefully with not excessive spanking.
"Spanking" is often in the eye of the beholder. My mom was spanked and she didn't know any other way to deal with kids. She hit out with very little provocation and I spent a lot of my childhood in confusion and anger. What would be a transgression one day would cause her to laugh the next. She wasn't an alcoholic or drug abuser, she was just raised in violence. I hated her until I became an adult and began to understand what a very good person she was in every aspect but that one. As an adult, I asked her why she beat me so often and she was truly baffled. She admitted to having spanked me but had no idea what I was talking about when I said beating.
My dad never spanked us and rarely raised his voice and all of us would have moved heaven and earth to not disappoint him. One upward eyebrow had us behaving.
When I lost my parents, I had so many issues to work out with my relationship with my mom and none with my dad.
My husband and I have never spanked our boys. People always have commented on how well behaved they are and their friends moms tell me they are a great example. My oldest is 20 and my baby is 15 and we've never had a day of worry with them. I give them "the look" and they're in line. We almost never had to punish them when they were growing up but when we did, we were 100% consistent and they knew why they were being punished.
I only know how I felt... I still remember as sharp as ever the anger, hatred, frustration, PAIN, insecurity, shame...
PARENTING... it takes time and effort and I know for a fact that you can raise wonderful children without hurting them, physically or emotionally. What parent wouldn't want to choose that road?
Jennifer,
You are totally right with your assessment with spanking; however, it's quite ironic and confirms Sherri Shepherd was also right in her assessment. Maybe you would have been one of the mothers to either reprimand her in the store or call the police?
I don't shop in rich stores. I shop where Mexicans and Blacks shop, because that's what my part of town is like. Regardless of Sherri's stupid comments, it seems to me that Black people never let their children act up in public. I was in the grocery store and a little black girl walked into my buggy. Her mother made her apologize, even though she'd really done nothing bad. I see it all the time in places where I shop. Little black children are expected to be well behaved and practice good manners, regardless of the ecomomic level of the parents. The same with white kids. The only kids I ever see out of control are the Mexicans, who can destroy a toy aisle in about two minutes.
Okay, now call me racist. This is just what I see in everyday life. And Sherri should take a lesson from ordinary black mothers, who begin teaching their children manners with their first breath, and are not afraid to discipline them when necessary.
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