My friend Daniel wrote this where he is living in Switzerland and I wanted to share it with Huffpo readers. -- Jennifer Lehr
It Gets Better by Daniel Hernandez
I am absolutely furious & heartbroken over these young gay kids, Asher Brown & Seth Walsh, committing suicide.
I am going to "out" myself on a very personal topic; I tried to kill myself once. It's not something I've told many people and it's difficult to talk about because the shame I have is for not valuing this precious life I have.
I was about 17 or 18 and I was so tired of my mind constantly trying to reason why this "gay" thing has happened to me. Why was I going to hell when I haven't done a thing? How can I do this to my parents especially when I was brought up Catholic, went to a Catholic school where I served as an alter boy, and my father was a hardcore Marine. This should not have happened, I thought, I should not be gay.
But I was.
I had contemplated suicide for years. I used to call the suicide help lines. One night everyone was out of the house and I was very depressed. I had called a friend or 2 to talk but it didn't help. I thought that since everyone was out this would be the perfect time to do it, but I called a help line again. The lady tried to get my information and I could tell she tried to keep me talking on the line. I didn't want to hang up, but I wanted this pain to stop. Eventually my family came home and I quickly told the lady & hung up. I was saved for that night. I found out later that my friends Ron & Michelle had parked outside the house that night to keep an eye on me. My friends are where I found strength & support from. Thank you.
Finally one summer day I had enough inner torment & started taking aspirin. I took them all day. I must have taken at least 20 plus when I went to bed I took about 4 or so sleeping pills I found in the bathroom closet. I admit, it was a feeble attempt. I knew I didn't want to die, but I couldn't see how I could live my life gay, disappointing my parents, brothers, family, & religion. I went to bed. The next morning (late) I woke up. I looked around my room and literally said to myself, "Ok, this is it. You are alive - no more suicide thoughts, you have to live with what you got". It wasn't that all of a sudden I was cured of my depression, but it subsided tremendously.
It wasn't until my gay cousin Bobby committed suicide a few years later in 1992 that I found empowerment. My cousin Bobby was 33, handsome & smart. At this point he had AIDS and was completely dependent on his parents, devout Catholics, to pay for this meds & things. My uncle found him hanging in his room with a dog leash. It was a true awakening for me. I didn't want to be like Bobby. He had distanced himself from everyone and lived in such sadness all his life. I had started to distance myself as well. I decided that I love my family and if they didn't love me that's tough because I'm going to at least try and be a part of everyone's life because I love them.
That's when my life truly started to change for the better. I got into art and did a very successful degree at UT El Paso, which led me to a fully paid summer program at Yale, which led me to an almost fully paid Master's degree at UCLA. I would have never expected it, but I finally let life be.
Teach kids now that being gay is just another form of love. My brothers don't want to tell their kids about my being gay until they're older...a discussion we don't need to go in to fully right now. I don't hide it, as a matter of fact they all know my partner. I make sure and say "my boyfriend" whenever I can. My nephew once said, "you can't date boys", and I said "yes I can". It stung, but over time I have taught them how natural it is in my own just-being-me-subtle way. A few years ago my niece asked how long Tim and I had been dating and I casually answered. She teased "wooooo", in a you're-in-loooove-kissy-kissy way. I felt triumphant. She understands that it's just love.
I am so grateful for surviving. I am so grateful for the experience of my life because I have learned so much. Being gay has made me learn so much more than others because I had to try and figure things out. And I have. I am here in this life to teach and spread love.
http://www.adventuresofdaniel.tumblr.com/
Rev. Patrick S. Cheng, Ph.D.: Faith, Hope and Love: Ending LGBT Teen Suicide
Rev. James Martin, S.J.: 'A Prayer When I Feel Hated': Helping Prevent Gay Teen Suicide
Rev. Dr. Janet Edwards: Gay Teen Suicides: People of Faith, Step Up for Our Youth!
Rev. Dr. Cindi Love: Bullying of Gay Teens: What Can Christians Do?
thanks for continuing to be a great person, daniel.
I was an intelligent teen who never dated or got kissed. In my 40s, I got the diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome & understood. Looking back, some boys liked me in school but I was too austistic to relate.
I've had adult relationships with men. As an autistic, I have to be in a very strong emotional state to be involved. Some just don't understand why I don't date at times. I am heterosexual. I have an adult history of dating men in cycles. I've been a much desired woman.
Often I have been drawn to work with gays, including former work with people with AIDS. There are issues that I share, like feelings of being different due to my autism and on-and-off family estrangement. I dislike public display of sexuality from anyone.
We need more detail on what happened to Asher. Was his sexual identity fully formed at 13? Other things also made him different. Phoebe Prince was a heterosexual girl dating boys. She'd been bullied in Ireland. I've never been clear on how she was different kids in 2 countries.
Supposedly boys bullied Asher in the gym by doing mock gay sex acts. The coach had to know. Did the coach think he was a wimpy kid who deserved it?
I was threatened and attacked at Hamilton and CyCreek Highschool because I was gay and the administration told me to "stop provoking the others with my sexuality".
I think I know what Asher felt because I thought about suicide when I went to those schools.
I'm so glad that you are still here and you didn't let the kids and adults at that horrid school win. I'm so very sorry for the loss of Asher and all the young people who chose to end their torment this way. Live your happiest and most wonderful life in honor of them!
What a great ... SUCCESS story. I've had one dear friend who committed suicide years ago and her family still greievs and asks "Why?" today.
My youngest son, who is gay and adopted, told me that before he came to live with our family, he was ready for suicide. I try to imagine the world without this gentle, loving, funny kid and I just get cold chills. What would have happened to him if my daughter hadn't brought him home for a meal one day?
One of my biological sons also told me he considered suicide as a teenager. He said he didn't because he remembered that there were people who loved him and decided to face whatever was troubling him through another day.
A year ago, I became single and unemployed in the same month. Needless to say, it was a horrible winter. One day, I was on the phone with a suicide help line, listening to the guy on the other end struggle to give me a reason to go on. My cell phone beeped, indicating I had an incoming call. It was a son-in-law, saying he suddenly felt the need to call me and just wanted to check in. That was all I needed to remind me that there were people who loved me and depended upon me tjo stick around.
How can we get this message out --- not only to our gay children, but to EVERYONE who suddenly finds themselves in a dark night and doesn't remember that the sun rises every day, offering us new hopes and reasons to live?