About 2 months ago, I attended my 10 year high school reunion. Because of this reunion, I've found myself reflected on where I was 10 years ago compared to where I am now.
One of the areas where there has been significant change is how I approach relationships. So here are 10 relationship lessons I've learned in the last 10 years.
#1 - More often than not, people just want to be heard -- not given advice.
For the longest time I though that if a person was telling me about a problem it meant they wanted advice. This would cause all kinds of problems in my relationships. The reality is that, more often than not, people just want to be heard and understood. That's all.
#2 - That one "special" person doesn't really exist.
Contrary to the many love songs out there, there isn't that one special person out there that is going to "save you" and be there with you for the rest of your life. Maybe, if you're lucky, you'll only be married once and you'll be with them for 50+ years. But to expect them to "save you" and give you all the love you desire is only setting yourself up for disappointment.
#3 - No person is going to provide you with all the love and happiness that you desire -- only you can do that for you.
You yourself have the power within you to access all the love and happiness that you desire. In my new meditation album, Ignite Love from Within: Meditations for Creating Relationships and a Life Filled with Love, I guide you through meditations to help you do exactly that! Click here to grab my free meditation, Healing Blocks to Love, and to learn more about my meditation album!
#4 - Not dealing with conflicts head-on are going to cause more problems than actually dealing with them.
I used to have this old belief that that less conflicts = healthier relationship. This idea is totally bogus. In fact, by not having any conflicts ever it often means that there's some repressed issues going on but one or both people aren't willing to talk about it. So if there's issues, face them head-on.
#5 - Saying "no" to others and making your needs known is vital to your own well-being.
In order to really get your own needs met and to honor you, you have to be willing to say no. If not, your life is going to be run completely by other people rather than yourself.
#6 - A person doesn't have to agree with you in order to be supportive.
A person can listen to you, understand, and give you the help that you need and still not agree with your view or opinion 100%. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
#7 - You can't force someone to commit -- and trying to will, more than likely, just push them away even farther.
You can force someone to love you, commit, or even buy you flowers on Valentine's Day. Everybody has their own free will and have to make that choice for themselves.
#8 - A person probably isn't going to respect your boundary after only stating it once.
More than likely, you're going to have to voice your boundary multiple times. Especially if this person isn't so great at setting boundaries for themselves.
#9 - A friend who uses you, lies to you often, is often in "competition" with you and is critical of you, isn't a friend worth having.
We all deserve to have friendships were we can gain support and feel a sense of belonging. If a friend has these characteristics, then we're probably not being very supported.
When in doubt, ask yourself: Why am I friend with this person? If you really don't know and this person also uses you, lies to you, is critical of you, etc. then it's probably not a friendship worth having.
#10 - Relationship challenges aren't necessarily a sign to leave, but a sign to go deeper.
Often if we're feeling disconnected from our partner, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's time to check out. Instead, it's often a sign that we need to deepen in the relationship somehow.
Maybe that involves doing an activity with your partner that you haven't done before or asking one another some more intimate questions about their past. Regardless of how you do it exactly, be willing to be curious and vulnerable.
Take action now!
What relationship lessons have you learned in your life so far? Share them in the comments below!
Jennifer is a self and relationship coach, writer, and spiritual teacher. She is the founder of JenniferTwardowski.com and the creator of Ignite Love from Within: Meditations to Create Relationships and a Life Filled with Love, click here for a free meditation from the album. Her mission is to help women create loving relationships with both others and themselves. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.
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