Just a few years back, I was in a very unhappy place. I was heartbroken, lonely, unsupported and wondered how and if I would ever be in a stable relationship that was healthy, happy, and filled with love.
That is, until I made some inner shifts. Here's how I managed to manifest a new relationship that is healthy, happy, and loving:
1. I got really comfortable with being alone.
I made it a goal to enhance my most important relationship of all: my relationship with myself. I learned how to enjoy my own company, I learned how to better notice and regulate my own emotions, I learned what I need to do to make myself happy, and I became the master of my own self-care.
I discovered what I needed to do in order to best help me rather than others. I have found that being more tuned-in with myself I am much better able to get my own needs met for myself, rather than to fall into my old habit of expecting others to meet my needs.
2. I acknowledged my old heartbreaks, gave myself time to heal, and let go.
I gave myself time and space to grieve over my heartbreaks. I cried, I journaled, I talked about it in therapy. I took time to honor my past relationships in the way that I felt guided to. I didn't repress my feelings or dwell on them to a point where I'd be depressed. Nor did I push myself to "hurry up and forgive" or go into a rebound relationship. I simply gave myself space to process it in a way that felt natural to me with the intention to gradually let it go and, eventually, forgive and heal completely.
3. I believed that I deserved a happy, healthy and loving relationship.
Many times after a breakup I would find myself in this place of "I won't find anyone else", "I won't find anyone better" or "I'll never find a stable and loving relationship". All of these thoughts are fear-based thoughts created by our ego -- they are not true.
When I finally released these thoughts and truly believed in the deepest of my being that I truly deserved a healthy relationship that was filled with love, then my new relationship emerged.
4. When I knew I was ready, I was willing to ask for what I wanted and trusted it would happen.
When the time came that I felt as if I had become really comfortable with myself, I healed and forgave my past ex's, and I truly believed I deserved a healthy and loving relationship, I asked for what I wanted.
In my mind I told myself and the universe, "I'm ready" a few times every day for about a month. I wasn't worried as to whether someone would come or not. I wasn't even concerned about the outcome. I simply just said, "I'm open and ready" in trust and faith that something would happen. In about a month, I was asked out on a date.
5. I let go of my "ideal".
I let go of all these list of traits that I thought I wanted in a partner: To be from a certain area or have a certain heritage, to have a certain hair color or be a certain height, to have certain interests, to have X things in common, and so on. By letting go of my "ideal" I opened myself up to greater possibilities. I was then able to fully see, accept, and appreciate my partner for who he truly is when we first started dating.
I made the conscious effort to not put my partner up on a pedestal. In the very beginning of our relationship I continuously made the intention to see him and I as equals rather than for us to put each other up on pedestals. By making this effort and intention, I truly believe this has been a major factor in getting us to a place of happiness, love and stability that we are at now.
Now I'd love to hear from you! In the comments below, share with me one inner shift that you believe you need to make in order to manifest a happy, healthy and loving relationship in your life.
Jennifer is a self and relationship coach and the founder of JenniferTwardowski.com. She helps women worldwide create fulfilling relationships with both themselves and others so they can live happy and joyful lives. Click here for her Free Self and Relationship Healing Meditation and weekly blog updates. To learn about how you can work with her, click here.