Photo by: Steph Grant
www.stephgrantphotography.com
Juicy stuff ahead! Now is month two of your sex questions answered, and it was a smashing success. I received so many great questions. So great, in fact, that I wanted to share them and my answers with you today.
I hope to see you next month on the Facebook Sex Q & A. Keep an eye on the HuffPost Women Facebook page for info about when the Q & A will be and how you can participate.
May is National Masturbation Month. So it's a great time to get all your questions answered about solo sex answered. In fact, on May 10th, my new book - The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex - hits the shelves. More about that right here on HuffPost soon!
So, here are a few of the questions I received during this month's Q&A. Questions and answers have been lightly edited for clarity.
Q: I started dating this guy I dated over 2 years ago when I was studying. But he doesn't like that I have had sexual relationships and experiences where he is still a virgin and I think I was his first love. I don't know what to do? P.S. I haven't been able to be very intimate in relationships previously as I often feel trapped but this time it's different. We haven't talked about it yet and he only knows that I'm not a virgin.
A: Thank you so much for writing me. When it comes to sex, it is vital that both partners respect and accept one another. If your sexual past is an issue for him, he needs to seek professional help to resolve that. Your past should not affect how he feels about you. If it does, it could lead to him shaming you or you shaming yourself and that is simply not acceptable. This is not your issue, it's his and if he doesn't want to resolve it, he's not a good fit for you. A good partner loves you for everything you are and doesn't hold anything against you from your past. Wishing you all the best!
Q: My girlfriend and I were together for almost 3 years. Then out of nowhere she wanted to break up. We have had a great relationship, hardly any fights but she feels the need to prove to herself that she can do things on her own. Now she says she loves me and wants to continue to talk. But she also says she doesn't want to work on us or worry about us. Now is there any hope for this or should I move on?
A: Thank you so much for trusting me with this question. It's a hard one, for sure. Although I never say never, my advice would be to move on. She's not in a place to give you want you deserve. She may be one day. But it's not fair to leave you getting only part of a true relationship. She has to want it enough to work on and worry about the relationship. You deserve to have the kind of relationship that makes you feel happy, safe, respected, secure, and loved. She's out there. It will be hard. But set yourself free. You deserve it. Good luck to you!
Q: So I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 years now - off and on - and we're finally going to be living in the same city in a few months. Things have been super rocky though. In addition to that, people tell me that he's "feminine" and "kinda gay" sometimes, and I'm not sure how to go about addressing that. I can tell you he's straight, from the sex we have, but definitely metro. What do I do?
A: This is a tough one. Thank you for asking. If things are already "super rocky," this might not be the ideal relationship for you. Being "feminine" and even "kinda gay" isn't really something to address. It's part of who he is. You either love and accept that about him or you don't. I fear this relationship worked because it was long distance. I recommend taking it slow when you're in the same city. Have separate homes. See each other but not all the time. Live your lives and see if they meld together or move further apart. This is a "take it one step at a time and see how it goes" kind of situation. If it doesn't fit, give yourself permission to move on. Best of luck!
Q: Me and my boyfriend of 3 years (we've lived together since year one) had great sex and great chemistry in the beginning. The second year I had depression and I didn't want to have sex. I lost my libido completely. It was a rough year for me, for him and for us as a couple. Now that I'm off the pills and I'm not depressed anymore I want to have a normal sex life like before in the beginning of our relationship. My problem is that I still don't have desire or it's very rare and it's hard for me to be in the mood for sex. I stopped the medication in October!! I don't know what's wrong with me and my body. What have changed? What can I do to have desire again? I'm only 28 years old. I would appreciate so much Jenny's help.
A: Thank you so much for your question. It's a great one. Desire is a mysterious thing. Sometimes we have it when we least expect it and other times, when we want it the most, it never arises. If there is an underlying issue, seeing a therapist may be the only real solution. But if there is no larger issue at play, it's time to ease back into your sensual and your sexual side. You can begin to do that in really simple ways. Create a sensual environment with lovely smells and textures and visuals. Think candles with favorite scents, new sheets, and removing clutter. Even if it's just in the bedroom. Create an environment that inspires desire. Take care of yourself. Eat the foods that your body operates best on. Wear clothes you feel great in. Spend more time outside. Do the things you love with the people who make you feel good about yourself. And, most importantly, masturbate. Orgasm begets orgasm. The more you have them, the more your body wants them. Try this - for one week, masturbate every day and change three things about your life that will increase its sensuality. My guess is that you'll find yourself with increasingly more desire the more frequently and consistently you do them. And I wish you all the best!
Q: How do I get over a breakup that wasn't mutual after being together for six years?
A: Thank you so much for this question. It's one of the toughest relationship situations we face. The real answer is time. That's the only thing that will truly begin to allow you to heal. To help the process along, take care of yourself. Eat foods that fuel your body and not weight it down. Wear clothes that make you feel good. Create a home environment that makes you want to be there. Reach out to friends. Spend time doing the things that feed you with the people who love and respect you. There's no easy fix here. Only time will heal. Be gentle with yourself. Break-ups are hard. But this too shall pass. You'll just have to trust me on that. Take care.
Q: I have been in a relationship with a man for 10 years in August. I think it is time for me to do other things, but I worry about his ability to care for himself. I don't know how to even go about removing my things and getting on with my own life. I have some ideas, but none of them seem super feasible. What do you think.
A: That is a really tough situation to be in. The truth is, there is no easy way. The first step is to talk to him. Tell him how you are feeling and that you are ready to move on. Explain the steps you plan to take and the timeline. Suggest he reach out to friends and family during the transition so that, when the time comes, he will have a support system in place. In many ways, this is a band-aid situation. All you can really do is rip it off. It will sting. But the pain won't last forever. Remember you have to take care of you. Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others around you... You're ultimately not doing him any favors when you're staying there physically but are mentally already gone. Best of luck. Stay strong. And, remember, self care is vital.