As I watched Lady Gaga give heart and soul as she sang "Until It Happens to You," at the Academy Awards last Sunday, tears flowed. The brave survivors joined her onstage as a united front to say "You are not alone." What a powerful moment. In our culture in America as well as in many, we are willing to watch horrific depictions of this on TV shows and movies but we don't actually talk about the issue.
This is something we especially need to talk to our boys about. Like nitty-gritty, those uncomfortable talks about what a girl/boy feels like when "no" doesn't mean anything and someone takes over their body with force as if they doesn't even exist. Obviously we teach our children never to attack a stranger, but in the cases of date rape, there is no gray area here. Not sure that everyone really gets that. If she/he is drunk and say no, no matter what you "think," it f$%^ing means NO. Back up. I don't care if you are dating, been dating for a year, are married, you're naked, you already started a sexual act. Doesn't matter! (If you even think about commenting a blessed thing here about false accusations, this isn't the time or space for that.)
If you have ever been raped or sexually assaulted, I hold your hand and speak for you today.
It's one of those things that can be swept under the rug in families. It's too hard for people to deal with. How many women or men do you know that this has happened to? Maybe even you? After the attack, no matter how the circumstances are, it's the shame the victim has to own just isn't fair. The victim doesn't deserve to hold onto that dark, ugly, sinister space of that feeling, the breech in your being, your boundaries, your truth, your sacred, your special gift the Divine gave you. Though someone may violate the victim's body, they have no right to taint the future of that person. Honor this part of your story, oh beautiful one, and heal in your own time. Your journey is not defined by this terrible act. The infinite value, worth, and greatness that you are has to do with your strength and resiliency. Don't forget that when you're sad about what happened. You're allowed to feel all the feels. You may get angry even at the wrong people. Know that you can use this as a catalyst for good in your own life. I promise you. You need to forgive yourself and LOVE yourself to the max, taking super care of yourself. It's a process that is yours and might not look the same for other people. It can be confusing, especially in cases in date rape situations where your friends know and like the guy. Some people may not be there for you that you thought would and others surprise you and their compassion is a little light you need to give you hope. Remember to let all the love in. You're so loved. Your loved ones won't always know what to say and they may be silent because there is a pain in them, an anger, a sadness, a guilt, a blame, an energy they have no idea how to process. I wrap you up in my heart and send you love.