I decided I needed to hurry up and start blogging before this truly amazing feeling has run its course. I shaved my head! I shaved my head! This is the most liberated I have ever felt! It's even better than showering outside! I had my first day of chemo today and they told me my hair would start falling out in two weeks. I knew it was going to fall out and I've been agonizing for a month about it. The photographer in me was picturing the beautiful picture I would get of this crying girl while her head was being shaved... screw that! It felt amazing! Sure, I was scared, and I cried when I was trying to build up the courage to do it, but doing this put me back in control. I was not going to let cancer make me agonize over my hair one more second. I called my friend and relative Kerry, and she told me to come over. She is sending it off to Locks of Love, so I'm hoping it finds a beautiful little bald head to cover... or maybe that little girl will let her new wig lay in the corner of her room because she feels like a rock star after she shaves her head! I hope that's what happens. Of course, giving some girl confidence, or comfort with a wig will also make me happy.
In the middle of my haircut, Carson got to be quite emotional and wanted to go home. So we left and went home and Daddy finished the job. I'm actually glad that happened. I think it was therapeutic for James to do it for me. He hasn't said much, but I'm hoping he feels like he's sticking-it-to-cancer like I feel.
I haven't talked to my mom about this yet. I have a feeling she is reminiscing about the time she told me I couldn't get a second hole pierced in my ear in second grade. I went upstairs to my room and did it myself. I took and earring and just pushed it through, no ice or nothing. It hurt going though that back piece of skin, but I did it. I went downstairs to show her. I remember being in her face, holding my hair back. She was so mad her pupils were getting bigger and smaller, bigger and smaller. I've never seen her look like that. This time, I hope she's just proud.
You know, watching my video now, I was so caught up in the moment about how I felt at that time. Yes, cancer has taken some things from me. Luckily, that's all it's taken. There are so many out there that are missing their mom, dad, friend, brother, sister... please pray for all of those that have suffered or are currently suffering from this terrible disease.
Jenny Morgan writes a blog at www.jennymorgan.me