Jesus calls us to follow Him and be His disciples. We are called to serve as Jesus served. Part of our service is helping people achieve greatness, whole and complete as the image-bearers of God. That's what good servant leaders do. We let people become who they're going to become.
Servant leaders lead through acts of service. That means we can hear what someone's asking us to do, and then do it. For that, we need to have an open heart, right? We can't be stubborn and pig-headed. We need ears to hear and eyes to see. We have to be moldable.
We have to be aware of that in our marriages. We have to be moldable in marriage. In marriage, if you disrespect each other, there is going to be anger. It feels like, "Hold on a second. You're not respecting me. You're not treating me like a human being. You're not telling me who I truly am." It's frustrating!
And you're going to disagree. There will be angry moments. It would be great if we could go into every relationship with no expectations. That's how it should be. But there will be expectations. It's in our nature, right? And where there are expectations, there are failed expectations. If you have expectations -- and you will -- you're going to be let down. When you love somebody, you're so close to them. You're transparent and you're vulnerable. You become so open to them that it's very easy to get your feelings hurt.
That's why you have to be moldable. You can't be stubborn and pig-headed just because your expectations weren't met. That is not a time to get angry! Anger like that is selfish anger, and it's uncontrolled. Selfish anger says mean things. It tears others down. It throws daggers. It brings up past mistakes. When you lose control, it's usually because you're trying to take control. You want your spouse to be a certain way, and when they're not, you try using anger to control them. That is selfish anger. It lets you wound people with your words. You start tearing them down because you want them to feel your pain. That is a dangerous place to go.
Jesus taught us self-controlled anger. Self-controlled anger is being able to say, "I'm really upset right now. I'm mad, and I'd like to talk this out. What you did hurt me, and I'm kind of angry about it. I would like to tell you why." And then you talk it out. You can talk it out with patience. Love is patient, right? Love is kind.
So when you're angry or impatient about something, you've got to be able to tell your wife or your husband. And then you can talk it out. Love will always win. Self-controlled anger will always win, because it allows healing. When you can talk it through, the wound can be exposed and healed.
Love will always win because Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to guide us. He told us, "I don't expect you to be perfect, nor do I expect you to handle everything like I do. That's why I'm giving you grace. I will always love you. I will always be proud of you. You have my unmerited favor. But realize: Don't judge. Don't fall into selfish anger. Remember, you have flesh on your bone. Until I come back, you're going to mess up just as much as anyone else. You're no better than anybody else.Realize that, and don't judge."
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Jeremy Affeldt, pitcher for the three time Baseball World Champion San Francisco Giants and Major League pitcher for 14 years, recently retired. His streak of 22 consecutive scoreless appearances in the post season trails Mariano Rivera's mark by only one. He is an all-time leader in postseason ERA, with a minimum of 30 innings, with an 0.86.
Jeremy is a humanitarian, philanthropist, public speaker, author, and co-founder of Generation Alive. He works to end human trafficking, feed the hungry and end poverty. He is available for speaking engagements, appearances and interviews Follow him on twitter, Instagram and Facebook @JeremyAffeldt.