Of all the Romance languages, the most beautiful, in my humble opinion, is Pig Latin.
Take this simple phrase: "Hiya, toots!" Translated into Pig Latin, it becomes: "Iya-hay, oots-tay!"
The second most beautiful Romance language is French, in which I am not, unfortunately, conversant. But I am learning it with a certain je ne sais quoi (translation: "Hiya, toots!") with the help of my 3-year-old granddaughter, Chloe.
Chloe is learning French with the help of her daddy, Guillaume, who is from France, a magnificent (magnifique) country that I visited five years ago with my wife (ma femme), Sue (Sue), and some other members of our family (la famille) for the wedding of Guillaume and our younger daughter (fille), Lauren (ditto).
Now their daughter, Chloe, is teaching me (moi) French.
I want to speak it better than I do Spanish, which I took for eight years in high school and college and still can't hold a decent conversation. I know only two phrases: "Cerveza fria, por favor" ("Cold beer, please") and the natural follow-up question, "Donde es el bano?" ("Where is the bathroom?")
That is why I am sure Chloe will be muy bien (sorry, I mean tres bon) in teaching me French.
According to Lauren, when Chloe went for a doctor's appointment recently, she said to the receptionist, "Je m'appelle Chloe," which means "My name is Chloe."
"Did she just speak French?" the stunned receptionist asked.
"Yes," Lauren replied, though she should have said, "Oui."
The next time I saw Chloe, I said, "Je m'appelle Poppie."
She smiled, no doubt at my pathetic pronunciation, and said, "Poppie!"
I was babysitting her and thought it was a good time for a French lesson.
"Bonjour, Chloe," I said.
"Bonjour, Poppie," she responded.
That was pretty much all I knew. But I was about to get a crash course. Chloe loves books and always wants me to read to her, so I was not surprised when she handed me a book starring her favorite character, Peppa Pig. The title: "Une Journee Avec Peppa" ("A Day With Peppa").
If you read Chloe a book in English and stumble over a word, she will make you repeat it.
"My God (Mon Dieu)," I thought, "this is going to be terrible (terrible)."
I began to read: "Ce matin, Peppa se reveille."
I had no idea what I just said, but it didn't matter because Chloe didn't correct me. I thought, however, that the word "reveille" meant Peppa was in the Army, though the drawing on the page showed that she was in her bed at home and was waking up at 7 o'clock in the morning.
It was obvious from subsequent drawings that the little pink porker was getting ready for school.
I trudged on: "Et prendre le petit-dejeuner tous ensemble, c'est encore mieux. Parole de Peppa!"
Chloe smiled and turned the page, a clear indication that my reading was d'accord (OK).
When Peppa got to school with her classmates, there was this line about the teacher: "Madame Gazelle, leur maitresse, est fantastique!"
Then Peppa went home for lunch: "C'est pizza et salade au menu!"
Afterward, she went to the park with her friends: "L'apres-midi, Peppa retrouve ses amis au parc."
At dinner, Peppa's father, Daddy Pig (Papa Pig), made his famous soup (fameuse soupe), after which Peppa had to brush her teeth ("apres avoir mange, il faut toujours se laver dents") and go to bed ("bonne nuit!").
Through the entire reading, Chloe didn't stop me once, so I felt confident enough to add, "The end," which I didn't know in French (la fin).
But that was all right because Chloe paid me the ultimate compliment: "Merci, Poppie!"
I had passed my first French (francais) test. One of these days, with Chloe's help, I will speak it fluently.
Then, of course, I will teach her Pig Latin.
Stamford Advocate humor columnist Jerry Zezima is the author of three books. His latest is "Grandfather Knows Best." Visit his blog at www.jerryzezima.blogspot.com. Email: JerryZ111@optonline.net.
Copyright 2016 by Jerry Zezima
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Sign up for Peacock to stream NBCU shows.