'Coach' and 'Uncle' as Perverts: Susan Sarandon and Two Brave Actors Make Scary Commercials

I went downtown to a recording studio to watch Susan Sarandon tape voice-overs for some public service announcements not because I have a shallow male appreciation for her -- ok, that too -- but because I didn't believe she'd show up.

She wouldn't have been the first to bail.

The vast majority of the actors who survived the first audition for these PSAs decided not to return for the second.

They all had the same reason: these commercials could end a career.

What was ground-breaking about these spots for Darkness2Light?

Because "Uncle Al" and "Coach Sanders" -- click to watch them -- aren't the usual commercials made by an organization committed to preventing the sexual abuse of children.

That is, they don't just state the facts and offer a solution: "Before her 18th birthday, one out of every four American girls will be sexually abused. Before his 18th birthday, one out of every six American boys will be sexually abused. Add in the adult population of men and women who have been sexually assaulted, and you get 40 million Americans. At Darkness2Light, we can teach adults to recognize the signs of childhood sexual abuse -- and stop someone before they hurt a child..."

That's the traditional approach: "feel good" media about a "feel bad" issue.

This time out, D2L showcased two actors who portrayed child abusers.

They're white. Known. Respected. Clearly heterosexual. The kind of men you unthinkingly trust with your kids.

Unfair? Statistics show that 90% of child abusers are guys. 75% are white, and yes, 90% are trusted by the kid and/or the family.

But, yeah, shocking. Real life scary stuff. And delivered without sweeteners. The actors -- looking right into the camera -- tell you how they betray your trust every chance they get.

The new D2L public service announcements have been running on CNN and Lifetime. They got noticed -- fast. Last week E! Entertainment Television named "Uncle Al" the clip of the week.

I was curious about civilian reaction to the PSA, and because I serve on the advisory board of D2L, I was able to find out.

Many wrote in to say they were offended by these spots. Samples:

White males are the only ethnic group that is not offered any protection from your derogatory crap -- you won't accuse any other racial group because you are afraid of the backlash it would cause. We see your agenda and it is not protecting children.

Your campaign will make every American mother fear every man they know, from their husbands to their fathers, brothers and neighbors.

As a loving uncle I find your TV ad disgusting and insulting.

And my favorite, from a man named Al:

I'll be contacting my lawyer to begin a class action lawsuit against you. It will be no contest. Every time you actually use a name in your commercials you'll get a new suit. I'm sure I'll have no problem signing many 'Uncle Als' on.

The positive reaction was equally emotional. A mother watched with her "startled" teen sons and hoped the D2L training programs would come to her city. A man wondered "if there is any way to get an amendment to the constitution that protects the rights of children -- they have none." And many were grateful for the statement of the obvious: This really does happen close to home.

"Outrage is a cousin to denial," D2L founder Anne Lee told me. "We appreciate that some people are offended and outraged. We're not saying that the majority of coaches, teachers, counselors, ministers, and family members are abusing children -- but too many of them are. So don't be angry at the courageous actors who portrayed those perpetrators, or at us for talking about it. Be angry at the reality of child sexual abuse, and then do something about it."

The D2L approach begins by shattering conventional wisdom -- D2L believes that the first step in stopping childhood sexual abuse is removing responsibility from the child. The kid has no power; saying "bad touch" isn't likely to deter any adult determined to do wrong. So D2L trains adults in organizations -- schools, churches, clubs, sports groups -- to recognize the signs and intelligently intervene. In 4 years, it's trained more than 160,000 adults. By its calculations, it's better protected 1.6 million kids.

And that, in the end, is why Susan Sarandon showed up. Not just because she's a good-hearted soul who lends her voice to worthy causes, but because she's the eldest of nine children -- she'd seen a lot, she'd heard some stories. And she knows, as D2L does, that a soothing, recognizable voice delivering harsh news can be the most effective wake-up call of all.

Comments

[parkerfly38]

Please color me insensitive as you must, but I really would like to see both the research and statistics behind the assertions.

Not that I doubt it. Many people are perverse in ways one wouldn't expect, and children as victims are either assured not to know enough about what's happening to them or more easily intimidated into silence.

On the other hand, how do you seriously vet family members?

And the other term I've never understood is "survivor.­" Sure, you get chastised if you ever ask that, but a survivor should be someone that lives through a gunshot wound, plane crash, or house fire. More than twenty years after being buggered by a relative, I'd like to think of myself not as a survivor, but as a guy that perhaps at one point or another was buggered by a relative. It need not be the defining moment in my young life.

[Startreklivz]

Sigmund Freud wrote extensively about child abuse, and was a life-long advocate to defend children. He noted that most children who suffered sexual abuse were abused by someone close to them.

As much as Chris Hansen at Dateline loves his sting operation, most sexual predators are related to their victims by blood or marriage, and are known and trusted by the families.

Remember the Roman Catholic priests and the sex abuse scandal ?????

We do not want to inflate fears, but we want children to be safe. (As a friend of mine said, there is good touching and bad touching, and every child knows the difference­.)

[PaxMundis]

I finally watched the pieces - yes, they are very effective, but more effective were the personal testimonials on here. I didn't mean to dismiss anyone's experiences, but I feel that 1) men are often considered guilty until proven innocent and 2) by focusing on one particular type of abuser, it will let those who don't fall into that group to be ignored.

[UncleZoloft]

Survivor here.

When I first saw these ads I thought "Christ on cracker!" Another words, I hated them. Why? They struck a deep cord of fear in me.

Looking over the 90+ messages I have a few suggestions:
1) Go to darknes2light.org and take their online prevention program "Stewards of Children."
2) We must shift the responsibility of prevention from children to adults.
3) As to the data: Child sexual abuse is an epidemic, just look at the headlines ~ go to Google news and type in "child sexual abuse."
4) For those commenters who wish to see females and other races represented in this ad campaign put your money where you mouth is and pony up some cash to Darkness to Light to produce a comprehensive series.

My abusers were all heterosexual married me with children.

[demfriend]

Those who complain abot these commercials have no idea what it is like to try to get through life and let anyone get close enough to love you after you have been abused. These people who complain about the ads have no idea just how many abused will go on and abuse because they were. The abuse of children has been hidden and downplayed because if it isn't you then you don't want to deal with it o look at it. This isn't something new but when you can see just how many are being abused at this time and we are doing so little to prevent it or to even speak about it if we suspect. The "I don't want to get involved" doesn't work when it might be a child close to you or even your own. The other part is fear "What if they are not really doing anything wrong?". I wish my mother had paid attention when I told her but she did not and it's scars are deep and my hate toward the abusers includes her.

[DinSea]

As an adult survivor of child abuse & violence, I can tell you that these "Uncle Al's" - and watch out for men kids babysit for - can destroy a person's life forever. I'm pushing 60 and still have PTSD - it's no joke. As for people who still think it's OK to violate others - especially children:

#1 - turn over the rocks, shine the lights, yell, scream and make noise. Don't let them hide!
#2 - shows like "To Catch a Predator", IMO, do way *MORE GOOD* than harm. These guys know they're guilty. They all say they knew better but did it anyway.
#3 - we need to push & pull human evolution forward! This stuff is barbaric & belongs in the dark ages. Rise up for God's sake! We can't turn a blind eye - Perversion, especially in the family, creates emotional cripples and rage killers.

We need to teach kids how to follow their conscience even if it means swimming against the tide. All cruelty & bigotry (which is based in FEAR) needs to be held up to a huge mirror and brought to an end once and for all! We need max penalties for crimes against babies, children, and other weak/vulnerable people. More light, please!!

"If all the world's a stage, I'm calling for better lighting"

[Patrick McCabe]

Is this social abuse a study that is also a pattern in Apes? They have had studies whereas that group has a hierarchy from the alpha male down to his subservients. Is there any sexual deviance amongst them that has been studied?

The alarm bells are going off with this new info of "out of bounds" behavior and one wonders if it is only in humans or is it also prevalent in animal behavior?

[robotfog]

bonobos are known to interact sexually with others of all ages. They are as near to a chimp that an animal can get. I don't know about chimps and the other ape species, though.

bonobo is a real animal. Sometimes people think I'm making it up. wikipedia has an entry

[Patrick McCabe]

Checked it out and you are correct. They are described as 98% genetically as close to a human, as fox is to a dog. And their sexual drive between an adult and an adolescent of their species is considered common. Wheww. We are related to them but they have no social nuclear family structure as the chimpanzees.

[kellygrrrl]

wow! powerful!

[Patrick McCabe]

The ads are stark and alarming, but it is best to not have a particular face on the offender. It would be different if it was a test result from a lab with mice -- but this is about white men.

[ConcernedAboutRFuture]

I moved to the south several years ago from the NYC area. In the few years that I've lived here, almost half of the women I befriended, who were raised in the south, were molested by a family member. In all of the years I lived up north, a few stories were heard here and there....b­ut here, in the south, it is a serious problem. What's worse.... their mothers and family members told them to keep things quiet so as not to start any gossip in the "church community"­.... yeah, afraid of gossip in the church community.­.... instead of caring for the welfare of their child.

Truly disturbing.

[kellygrrrl]

it happens everywhere.
this insidious disease knows no color or economic or geographical lines.

the worst part is when the parents "cover" - I agree!

[MsLiz]

Perhaps Southern women are more likely to tell. Maybe it's because people are talking more about the subject than they did several years ago. But, maybe you are right, and that the repressive Southern religious culture leads to sexual abuse.

[drd1044]

The ads are arresting and important but they don't address all the fathers that sexually molest and the mothers that chose to ignore the signs or are afraid of their husband. More information needs to get out on how to identify changes in the behavior and attitude of a child who is sexually molested. The child is often blamed when he or she "acts out" and is afraid or ashamed to tell why.

[InternationalObserver]

""Before her 18th birthday, one out of every four American girls will be sexually abused.""

That's an interesting statistic. What's the methodolgy behind it? Can you tell us what the definition of 'abuse' is?

I say this because statistics such as this usually come after a survey of a sample group. And the results depend on the questions asked. If you ask girls 'have you EVER been called a derogatory sexual name by someone' they will always answer "yes' because some boy in 8th grade called her a b*tch. So that's one child who counts as "one out of every four American girls will be sexually abused."

Is the organisation who delivers the statistic (""Before her 18th birthday, one out of every four American girls will be sexually abused."") prepared to publish their survey questions to quantify how that statistic was arrived at?

Sexual abuse is horrific and needs to be stopped.

But scaring the bejebus out of parents isn't the answer. I don't consider name-calling or wolf-whistling to be sexual abuse, but some people do. Were they in charge of posing the questions for this survey?

[AngelaShelton]

These PSAs are intense and important because they tell the truth. It's a hard pill to swallow - the pill of denial - but the reality is that most of the perpetrators are the people we know. To use white men is incredibly smart on the part of Darkness to Light. For far too long the press has focused on the guy in the van down by the river when the truth is that most of the worst perps are the ones you would not suspect.

Yay for Darkness to Light. Those who have an issue with these PSAs need to use their anger to actually do something about child sexual abuse instead of perpetuating it by living in denial. Yes, there are even female perps, perps of other races, perps in high social standing like Congressmen etc. The list goes on and on. The point is to open our eyes to it and do something about it already. Enough is enough.

[andvoodoo2]

I agree. I'm an attorney who has practiced criminal defense and prosecuted in my more than 20 years of practice. People who sexually abuse children come in all colors, shapes, sexes and socio-economic backgrounds. Often, it's those you would LEAST suspect who abuse children. I have seen ministers with children who were pedophiles. I've seen administrators of psychiatric hospitals who treated victims of abuse who were themselves abusers.

[AshevilleVoice]

You are doing a much needed public awareness campaign. The denial about child sexual predators in liberal and progressive circles is stupefying. As a mother of teenagers, I am appalled at the number of "opportunities" I am presented with to have my kids attend progressive events where young teens will be paired up with any older adult who volunteers to teach them something. Some of these events even boast about the "one-on-one" time that my child could receive!

When I've pointed out what's wrong with that picture, I am generally regarded as a paranoid crank.

Legitimate coaches and youth leaders know proper boundaries and don't cross them. I'm glad to see a national campaign begin to question why any adult wants to create situations where they are alone with someone else's children.

[OnTheCusp]

What is a "progressive" event?

[AshevilleVoice]

"what is a "progressive" event where your kids would be alone with an adult? "
"What is a "progressive" event?"

Examples:

opportunities to participate in social and environmental activism.

field trips of 5 days or more to Heifer Ranch with adults who haven't had a background check as chaperons.

invitations to workshops, communities, progressive church activities

My experience is that well intentioned progressives who organize events for progressives teens are far less aware of predators than their socially conservative counterparts. There is a tendency to assume that no one who cares deeply about the environment or social justice could have lewd intentions towards a minor.

[frl]

what does being "liberal" or "progressive" have to do with denial? what is a "progressive" event where your kids would be alone with an adult? and how do you know for sure that those coaches and youth leaders, legitimate or other, would not cross the boundary of trust? there have been plenty of "legitimate" coaches and, in my own experience, "legitimate" youth leaders who have betrayed an innocent's trust.

[Survivor37]

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I commend the courage and intelligence that went into the making of these ads. My abuser was a religious person - he has since been defrocked and convicted in a criminal court for his trespasses against other altar servers - and he was a college-educated white male. He abused me over the course of my grammar school years - for 4-plus years he abused me sexually, physically, emotionally - and all in full knowledge that I was without a father figure. My dad had passed away when I was in the fourth grade, and my mother was all but unavailable to turn to with troubles. Growing up in 1980s Pittsburgh, no resources existed to help kids being victimized like this. Please keep up your courageous and intelligent media campaign to educate students and their families about the epidemic of childhood sexual abuse. Thank you!!!!!!!