This divided nation needs help. We seem unable to understand one another's perspective. But we've got to, for it's the only way out of this tornado.
So I'm going to rely on what I know best - psychotherapy. In couples therapy, we work with people to help them share their emotional reactions, beliefs, and values with one another in a way that avoids raising the defenses of the other person - in a way that the person on the other side of the argument can hear. We help people listen to one another - we provide them with concrete tips for doing so, such as making reflective statements (It sounds like...), validating the other person's perspective (I can completely understand how...), and sharing their own emotional reaction to what has been shared (When I hear that you're afraid, it makes me really sad).
Think it's cheesy? Well, I'll take cheesy over the hostility of the past year. Cheesy slows things down, prevents the automatic judgments we make about one another from holding the microphone hostage. And when people share these most vulnerable feelings, it's a lot more likely we will respond with compassion rather than aggression.
So let's start with us. Right here, right now. It might go something like this.
Me: Can you share with me why you voted for Trump? I am sure you had a good reason, and I really want to understand.
You: I feel alone in this country. I'm struggling and scared and barely making ends meet. I need a solution - something different than what we've tried before. And Trump understands where I'm coming from. He makes me feel safe.
Me: Everything you're saying makes sense to me. It's awful to feel alone and scared. And Trump gets your struggles. I understand.
Then I might say: Can I share with you why this decision is hard for me?
I hope you will say yes. And then I can tell you about my worries for immigrants, undocumented people, ethnic/religious/cultural minorities, and women. I worry that fear and hate will divide, rather than unite, us. I will cry with you, sharing my fears that we will all get hurt.
And I hope you will get me, too.