This weekend I had to do the unthinkable. I went to a funeral of a friend who was only 38 years old, a friend I have had for nearly 25 years. Just those words alone are hard enough to get out. Then to hear the backstory of this amazing woman's life -- she married her high school sweetheart and had a beautiful son. She loved her husband like no love I've ever witnessed among our generation. Just a few years ago, her husband died in a car accident leaving her a then 35-year-old widow with a young son to raise on her own. Sadly, she had some complications with her heart and she passed away, leaving her son without either of his parents. Death is sad enough for everyone and touches everyone differently. However, to hear the inspiring story of my friend it makes it just that much more than a typical death.
We met in high school, shortly after I moved from rural small town Iowa to Tucson, AZ. I had never been anywhere else but by that point, my new military brat friend had already been to Europe and back. She took me in almost like a stray, introducing me to her family and other friends. Her parents took me in and accepted and treated me like their own, insisting that I only call them "Mom" or "Dad." Twenty five years later that's still valid.
Throughout the years, our friendship went through highs and lows just like any relationship of duration would. At times, I would make stupid mistakes and she would shake me and at times she would overwhelm me and I would have to tell her to back off. From the first time we met, there was an undeniable connection. Unlike any other female for me at the time, we could laugh and cry, make fun of each other and learn from each other. Throughout high school, we studied together took the SATs together and had a lot of fun. Shortly after high school, I had my first daughter. She was right there from the second I went into labor until I went back home. She brought my daughter her first toy, a Winnie the Pooh bear that is now almost 19 years old, missing an ear and has been lugged around like a small treasure it's entire life. Marriages and kids, coffee, tequila, divorce and tears, weight loss and gain... Think about all you go with in 25 years and remember to balance out all the amazing high points there has to be a low point here and there. However, even during those lows, we both knew that no matter what, that love of our sisters by choice would always remain.
I bet right now you are asking "Why does she keep mentioning these lows?" Unfortunately, for me at the time of her passing we were not in a high point. No mean words were ever spoken, our friendship was not lost or in a state of loss or over by any means. But I do regret heavily that one of the last full conversations I had with her after my father passed was please, I just need quiet love; I need you to back off and when I am ready; I'll call.
When my friend passed, she was giving me quiet love from a distance just as I asked. Healing after the death of a parent takes different amounts of time for different people. Grief reactions are never the same. She understood that I went a little crazy after my dad died, and she understood that my love didn't change. My only regret, I didn't get the chance to verbally say thank you out loud.
To my beautiful amazing friend, thank you for giving me the time and space I needed. Thank you for always being there and inspiring me to be a better person. Thank you for always giving me what I needed from friendship and for understanding that quiet love simply means I need space from everyone and everything. Thank you for granting me my quiet love when I asked for it, and thank you for knowing that you will always be my chicken sister. Bock Bock Bi+$3$% :)
To the rest of the world, I have this to say, own your mistakes and move on. Life is entirely too short to harbor hatred and anger to anyone or anything. Be mad, be sad or angry, but dust yourself off and move on. If your life is miserable on the outside, I can relate to how awful it must feel on the inside. Take the time be alone and work through it. Don't be afraid to ask your friends for quiet love to allow you the time you need to heal yourself, if you don't love you -- no one else can. Love yourself first. Find a way to express what you need to say (like blogging :) ) and find your happy.
PS: I'll be collecting those answers regarding inspiration tomorrow. Hope you are prepared!