As the inmates filed into the gymnasium for a two-day workshop on the Freedom to Choose, I noticed all the sneakers on the men were black and white. (The men are not allowed to wear any colors in prison because of the different affiliations and issues with gangs.) Seeing all of the black and white sneakers brought me back to my own journey of acceptance. With my religious upbringing, I was raised to believe everything was right or wrong. Good or bad. Black or white.
When I started my masters in spiritual psychology at the University of Santa Monica (USM), the very first weekend I learned the concept of looking at people with love and accepting them for exactly who they are. This means leaving all judgments on the wayside. Each of us is here, on earth, to learn. Each person's curriculum for learning is unique to them. This does not mean you necessarily condone a behavior. It just means you do not judge someone for his or her experience. It's a subtle, yet profound, difference letting go of judgment and moving into acceptance.
As I grappled with this new concept of acceptance, I was able to work through many of my judgments of others and, ultimately, myself. Then I got to murder. How could I love and accept someone who committed murder? It's black and white. Murder is a sin. Sinners did not deserve to be accepted or loved (or so I thought).
Two days after learning about acceptance and unconditional love at happy school (my nickname for USM), and being stuck on the judgment of murder, I, of course, found myself in jury duty. As the universe would have it, I was in jury selection for, yep you guessed it, a murder trial.
I was sitting in the courtroom as the defendant walked in. He was about 5'10" and slender. His jet-black hair was slicked back like Donnie Brasco. Tattoos were covering every inch of his body that was visible. His energy was cold and look was stern. If I had to draw a picture of what a murderer might look it could definitely be this man.
My discomfort in thinking that this man might have killed another person made me avoid eye contact at all cost. My body tensed. My heart raced. My mind wandered thinking about what he may have done. He was guilty until proven innocent.
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. (Okay, so I can be a bit slow with spiritual matters some days.) I am here to practice what I just learned. I am here to practice looking at this potential murderer with love and accept his journey as it is. To let go of all judgments and see another soul for exactly what they are -- another soul having a human experience.
This is NOT to say I agree with murder in any way, shape, or form. My heart goes out to anyone who has been involved in murder, especially my dear friend Paul Harrington and his family. What I am saying is that when we look at people with love and without judgment it raises us all. Living in judgment is a self-inflicted sentence that we can change. We have the Freedom to Choose differently.
I was not selected for the trial and I am not sure what happened to this man. I do know my sentence for living with judgments ended here. I try to live every day free of judgments. I am human though. I am nowhere near perfect in this so I get to practice every single day -- with others and, with myself.
I now volunteer with inmates through the Freedom to Choose project to teach them how to live in acceptance and love. I get to sit across from people convicted of murder and other crimes and see the depths of their soul. I see these men as the 4-year-old children that were yearning for love and attention -- and I get to love them unconditionally. I get to spread love -- and find even more for myself.
I encourage each one of you to look at where you might have judgments in your life. Where do you judge others? Where do you judge yourself? Could you try, even just for a single second, to let go of that judgment and see yourself or others as divine? Could you consider, for one moment, that there is a plan larger than you might not comprehend where all is absolutely divine? You might just find yourself more free -- free from the burden of seeing the world as only black and white.
For more inspiration follow me on Twitter @lifeshucker.