Celine Dion's Pregnancy News Should Come With A Disclaimer - Not Many Women Can Have Babies Post-40
Banner headlines and breathy stories beamed the news that Celine Dion was pregnant at 41 with another child. Immediately, news outlets paraded a list of other age-defying, fabulous-looking celebrities who had babies post-40, as though this is as easy to do as baking a cherry pie. But the truth is there are many pits buried in the sweetness of this story.
The Daily Beast presented a slideshow of celebrities pictured with their dimpled-cheeked children and shared the age at which their bundle of joys were conceived and delivered. Halle Barry did it at 41. Salma Hayek at 40, Brooke Shields at 41, with the help of IVF. Susan Sarandon, who was told she couldn't have kids, had Eva at 39, Jack at 42 and Henry at 45. And Iman, we were told, was able to conceive at 44 after following an African fertility custom of holding someone else's baby for a day -- in her case, Christie Brinkley's, who natch had a baby post-40.
Okay, now guess how many women believe that having a baby after 40 is not difficult?
"Ninety percent of young women are convinced that they can wait until they're 45 to have a baby," says Sylvia Hewlett, the author of "Creating A Life." "That is a recipe for disaster. And this misinformation seriously distorts the thinking of young women. I think this is a great shame. Women need to know the truth and plan accordingly."
Here are some sobering facts. According to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, almost one in five women seeking infertility treatments are over 40 and two-thirds will not be able to get pregnant on their own. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention states that a 40 year old woman going through IVF has a 23 percent chance of getting pregnant using her own eggs, and if conception happens, only a 16 percent chance of carrying the pregnancy through birth.
Sure, high-tech fertility treatments up the odds. Twice as many women have children after 40 than 20 years ago. One success story is my sister-in-law who became pregnant naturally at 42. But those odds are still small. I know plenty of other friends who didn't and still live with emotional scars.
By the age of 44, there's less than a one percent chance that a woman's eggs can produce a child. Years ago, I asked Manhattan specialist Dr. Jonathan Scher how come so many celebrities were having babies way past 40 and simultaneously claiming that these kids came from their eggs.
"Not everyone is telling the truth," Dr. Scher told me. "Many use donor eggs and want to keep it private." (Donor eggs up the ante to a 51 percent success rate.)
By the age of 37, fertility drops as quickly as the Dow circa October 2008. It is an indisputable fact just like it still takes nine/ten months to have a baby.
I was in my mid-30's when I started going through my IVF treatments. I even went to Dr. Zev Rosenwaks, the same specialist who worked magic for Celine Dion. At first, he asked why I hadn't started earlier than 34. "Had to find the right husband which is not easy to do," I quipped. After six failed IVF treatments, Dr. Rosenwaks suggested I consider donor eggs or adoption.
Despondent -- and seriously depleted of my savings because of the $15,000 IVF price tag that CNN, my employer, did not cover -- I went away with my husband to just chillax. Sure enough, I got pregnant naturally and was blessed enough to have my son.
Upon my pregnancy test, I marched into Dr. Zev Rosenwaks office, elated and confused. How could this have happened when you said my odds were virtually impossible? "Sometimes, the sun, the moon and stars line up inexplicably and it works," he replied. "But this is still very rare."
Yes, I was one of the lucky ones, but never one of the smug ones. I couldn't have another baby despite my valiant efforts and more IVFs and operations. And it made me more convinced of what a disservice all these stories about successful pregnancies create for the many women who are visiting those fertility clinics day after day, shooting themselves with stiletto-sized needles and subjecting themselves to the painful daily blood tests in order to get pregnant.
It is not their fault that the results are not positive despite their heroic efforts. We need some more stories about the women who don't get pregnant and how they open up the chamber of their hearts for adopted children, stepchildren or become devoted aunts and teachers.
So what do I tell my stepdaughter, now in her 20s, who is building a career and independence so essential to a woman's well being? Settle with a guy before 34 or wait until the right one comes even if it's at 40? I know I'll tell her not to believe the news reports that seem to convey that having a baby at any age is possible. As with most contracts, you have to read the fine print for the disclaimers.
Complicating matters, I have an expertise in divorce and see every day what happens when couples marry for the wrong reasons.
The truth is I am a much better parent because I waited and because I married the right guy who shared the same devotion to family as I do. A previous pregnancy was aborted because I knew it was neither the right time nor the right guy. Deep in my soul, I still believe that 20 years later and have never regretted that decision.
Even knowing what I know, I still would tell my stepdaughter not to settle. But instead be informed of all her options.
And as for Celine Dion, the second child she is now carrying was from a fertilized egg created eight years ago. Once again, some media scrambled the story because technically the egg is not from a 41 year old woman.
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I read lots of stories like this, but I (anecdotally) know so many women who beat these apparent odds, myself included. I got pregnant twice (while using birth control!) at ages 39 and then again at 41. Women over 40 have the second highest rates of pregnancy termination, second only to teenage girls. I wonder if science will ever figure out WHY some women can get pregnant fairly easily past 40, yet some women in their early 30s appear to be unable to do so without assistance.
well I happy for her- but lets also be realistic - when you have as much money as her- almost anything is possibel!
Oh please. Lighten up! The real headline regarding Celine Dion should be one of excitement over how this relatively new technology helped her freeze her eggs and use them later. Thats progress! Not a reason for gloom and doom.
And the technology will get better and more affordable with time giving more women control over their fertility.
But besides that, don't forget their are millions of people out their who have gotten children from egg donors or adoption and are thrilled with their families. I'm envious as hell over the amazing little girl my close friend adopted from China!
Sure, women need scientifically accurate information, but they don't need these dire warnings and Celine certainly doesn't need to post a disclaimer (She's already publicized that she froze ger eggs; what more do you want?).
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I was born in the mid 1980's to a mother who was in her mid 40's. It was all natural. At the time my mom was her obgyn's oldest first time mother. IVF was not available at the time. Even if it would have been an option, it's just not the sort of thing I could ever imagine my mother spending thousands of dollars on. Did I mention that my father was in his mid 50's at the time?
There has been a lot of talk about if it is appropriate or fair to children to begin so late in life. I am 25 now so I have some perspective. I had an absolutely ideal childhood. I have always had a great relationship with my mother. If I have a problem or a piece of good news to share she is the first person that I call. I am better off today because my mother was older and had more life experience to pull from than many of my friends with younger mothers. There is no one size fits all solution to when to become a mother and fertility. For some conceiving and parenting at midlife is best for both mother and child. My parents always let me know just how much I was wanted. I consider myself to be blessed and I thank God for the upbringing every single day.
"And the technology will get better and more affordable with time giving more women control over their fertility. "
It's getting more expensive actually. At McGill Reproductive Center in Montreal, one of the clinics I went to for IVF in 2007, I was surprised to find that they've increased the fees for 1 IVF cycle from $4500.00 to $5500.00, so the prices are going up. The fertility drugs are very expensive too. For 1 cycle the drugs alone can cost $5000.00. I can't imagine the drug companies ever being kind enough to lower their prices.
Another thing about IVF is that it isn't always successful. At IVF websites you'll see women on the message boards who have gone through 5 or 6 IVF cycles and still don't have a baby. So I think younger women DO need warnings about not waiting too long. There really are women out there who have no clue that their fertility is going to go downhill fast in their 30s.
I am one of three children. My mother waited til a time that was 'late' in the 1970s, after 30.
I was conceived when my mother was 31, going on 32. I was a C-section, but only because all breaches were C-sections in 1977. My brother (1980, my mother was 34, going on 35) was a C-section because he was a breach and because there were some complications. My sister (1984. my mother was 38 going on 39) was arranged as a C-section in advance primarily because my mom did not want to give birth the old-fashioned way at 38 for the first time. There were some complications and she was slightly premature, and it was touch and go for a bit, but she is now healthy. My mother was pregnant once after 40 and miscarried before coming to term.
The chances of complications increases with a woman's age even before age 40. Much of it is genetic as well, but age really makes a difference.
No woman should have a child before she is ready, nor should anyone (man or woman) have a child unless they are dead sure they want children, but everyone should be aware of the medical facts surrounding pregnancy and childbirth. Even in today's age of medical science, pregnancy is a serious and risky thing.
Excellent article.
When my doctor said "you should hurry up, you're 37" I felt like slapping here.
Did she think I didn't know conceiving at 37 and now 39 would be difficult? Did she ask me if I wanted to have children in the first place ? If so, was I supposed to make a child with the first guy I encountered ?
When I confronted her with the stupidity of her remark, she just answered: "I was just saying".
Maybe I'll try at 42, maybe I won't.
Children don't make us immortal, they are not always a delight, and birth and early childhood is more like a nightmare (pain, bad smells, yelling, sleep deprivation, no more freedom to see the world and learn..), so better be real sure you want that child. Not everybody has nannies like Madonna.
I recently saw a childhood friend who had a baby naturally within 6 months at 38 or 39. Well let me tell you I wasn't envious. Her life is basically over. The guy left her alone with the baby. Her career prospects are gone. The child is difficult and people avoid her because of that.
So the media shouldn't tell women getting pregnant at 42 is a piece of cake, but they shouldn't tell them either that they should have children and it's all so wonderful to have some.
Wow. And Sarah Palin wasn't even trying.
Thank you for this thoughtful article. I'm dismayed to see some of the ill-informed responses, particularly the person who says perhaps if you can't get pregnant there's a reason for it. That's like telling someone with cancer that perhaps they deserve it.
I myself was 36 when I started trying, had two ectopic pregnancies, and ended up having to do 3 rounds of IVF to get pregnant. It was expensive and emotionally and physically draining. My husband and I are both in artistic fields and because of our peripatetic lifestyles never would have qualified to adopt a child, and frankly, I didn't want to anyhow - is it such a crime to want your own genetic link to your child? Besides, people always say 'just adopt' like it is free. That would have cost us $25,000 to go down that route.
A friend of mine just turned 40 and is trying to get pregnant. Her fertility was tested and she is already entering menopause - there is no way she will be able to get pregnant, even with IVF. This has been a horrible shock for her - she figured because she looks young and feels young her body is young too. I wish we could change biology so that women could have children later, but we can't, and it is dangerous how many Hollywood stars perpetuate the myth that this is possible. My friend herself brought up all these actresses when as proof it would work. It didn't.
"particularly the person who says perhaps if you can't get pregnant there's a reason for it. That's like telling someone with cancer that perhaps they deserve it. "
No, it's not. It's like saying that - if you are less than 50" tall or more than 250 lbs do not ride this ride. Or, if the weather is bad don't go out in a boat. Or, don't ignore that strange noise your car is making.
It's not always safe and the risks are significant so it may well be smarter not to do it. If you have a health problem that makes it hard for you to concieve or carry a child, you may have serious complications and damage your body giving birth,or risk having a child with birth defects. It would make a lot of sense to be careful and find out what the reason is and how to deal with the risks involved.
I think what a lot of people have a problem with is that there is so much more attention put on the miracle of IVF, on miracle babies, and not miracle parents, which is what adoption is. We need to establish a greater culture of adoption here in the U.S.
No, it's not a crime to want a genetic link to your child. I don't understand why anyone would care, but I'm not everyone. And I also don't buy that if you can't get pregnant, it must be because of some divine reason which means you HAVE to adopt.
But I have a hard time believing you aren't eligible to adopt. Do you know what kind of losers and lunatics they give foster children to? My foster siblings, before they came to live with my family, often came from foster homes that were nothing but abuse and squallor.
Yeah maybe adopting a "perfect" little newborn white baby or a "perfect" little newborn Chinese girl is difficult. But tragically, DSS is abysmal, and adopting via foster care is ridiculously easy, and you don't have to pay the adoption fees that you do with agencies.
The idea that adoption is SO difficult and expensive is a myth. Adopting "perfect" newborn white or exotic foreign babies through an agency who meet your exact specifications is difficult.
But they'd give a black two year old to the crazy cat lady living in the alley behind my apartment.
IVF usually creates many (as many as 10) embryos. I wonder what she plans to do with the others.
I am a 40 year old woman pregnant with my first child. I did it naturally and in less than six months of trying. My baby is healthy and I'm not "ignoring the risks" by doing the wonderful tests that are available to me and taking care of my body. In fact, I know many women who have successful pregnancies in their 40's with their own eggs that are healthy babies, naturally and through fertility clinics. I'm in the best shape of my life and perfectly capable of taking care of a baby at the "half way point in my life". Imagine if I live to 100 like my Grandmother and Great Grandmother?
I agree with Idea1013 completely. In vitro is, at heart, a selfish and self serving process. I don't understand why something thinks their genes are that important. As for the "experience of pregnancy and childbirth", it's not an amusement park ride or a movie, women.
Consider adoption if you can't conceive naturally -- I'm saying that as a pro-choice woman.
your comment is heartless.
Who are you, or anyone else to deny someone the right to have their own child.
I'm 38 and while my husband and I aren't really trying to have a baby right now due to circumstan
What? You say "In vitro is, at heart, a selfish and self serving process. I don't understand why something (sic) thinks their genes are that important. As for the "experience of pregnancy and childbirth", it's not an amusement park ride or a movie, women. Consider adoption if you can't conceive naturally.
Wow that's amazing. For someone who proclaims to be pro-choice, you certainly are closeminded and judgmental.
If you carry your nonsensical statement to its illogical conclusion, you should actually say "natural conception is, at heart, a selfish and self serving process," since you think that neither genetic link nor experience of pregnancy is a valid desire. Why should people that need assistance conceiving bear the burden of adopting all the unwanted children in the world?
It is natural to want a genetic connection, whether you concieve through sex, or with medical assistance. If you think adopting a child will help the world, then do so if you feel drawn to it, but don't expect other people to do so just because they have trouble conceiving.
Don't assume that all women want children.
I must say that I find the rate both of people spending this type of money on in vitro and of women waiting until they are nearly half way through life to decide to have a child disturbing. Though I respect a woman's right to reproductive choices, I think that many of these women do not have the child's best interest at heart. Many ignore the risk factors (both for themselves and their unborn) such as birth defects, mental retardation and other developmental difficulties not to mention complications for mother. This need to breed has been so deeply instilled in us that we sometimes do not stop to think about whether it is the right thing to do. If a person cannot get pregnant naturally, perhaps there is a reason for it. There are so many children out their that need loving homes- I just do not understand why people would rather spend tens of thousands of dollars on fertility tx than bring home an already born child who needs a family.
I don't think you really do respect a woman's right to reproductive choices based on the comment you just made. Take a look at your statement - "If a person cannot get pregnant naturally, perhaps there is a reason for it." Does that really make sense? Does that mean if a person can get pregnant naturally, they should?
Who should decide what risk factors are important and what aren't. What do you think is the perfect age to bring a child into this world. Do income factors play a role in your set of guidelines? Do you think the unemployed teen mothers have the child's best interest at heart? You can test for birth defects, mental retardationsand potential complications for the mother. Can you test for economic stability, or does that matter in your book?
When you narrow down just who you think should be allowed to bear children, using your exacting standards, let us know, so we can bar the rest of the population from reproducing.
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