Great Games for Christmas: The Economy Edition!

Happy Holidays, folks! It's been a tough year for everyone, but Milton Bradley/Hasbro wants you to know that even the toughest times can be turned into family good times, thanks to the fantastic people at Milton Bradley/Hasbro and their new-for-2009 updates to classic favorites! Make your family game night a fun and informative experience!

Monopoly: How many players can you convince to "invest" in Park Place "real estate?" If you use the money from Free Parking to pay them off, how will you pay your bail to get out of jail? Land on chance...SEC officials downloading porn, go ahead 5 spaces. Make sure to collect your $2 billion every time you pass the synagogue!

Chutes and Ladders: Stock Market Edition: Actually, this game is exactly the same, it just has a picture of the trading floor in the background.

Guess Who!: Does your CEO still fly a corporate jet? Is he bald? Did his lack of personal oversight lead almost directly to millions of dollars in speculative debt and a complete lack of liquidity? I think your CEO is...bailed out by the Fed! Canadian kids, this version is great for you, too!

Clue: I know who did it! It was Pastor Warren, in the chapel, with the lead pipe! Oh....OH, oh my god. Kids, turn away! That is NOT a marriage!

Candyland: General Odierno will lead you through the magical forest of insurgents, on to old man Cheney's mystical cave of legal persuasion techniques, all the way to the happy, sugar-sweet land of self-controlled democracy! But who knows if you'll make it - after all, a lot can happen in three years, er, turns.

The Game of Life: That perennial favorite teaches kids what's up ahead on the twisting, turning path to adulthood and eventual death! Spin a six? Daddy survives the layoffs! Groceries for everyone! Roll again: another mouth to feed on one salary that's already taken a hit! Advance 3 to the liquor store!

Comments

[pegs]

Great post! I wonder if this means Stratego has been renamed in honor of W. and is now known as Stratagery?

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

What does that turn "risk" into?

[bonami44]

Loved the article and the memories of great old games. What about Cootie?----the giant bug with lots of legs. Surely, there could be a new version in keeping with the state of the world in 2008/9? Or Operation------Uncle Sam trying to pull the wallet out of your hip pocket without making the light go off? Or carefully removing a body part to raise $ and avoid foreclosure?

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

See who can build a nation fastest! Roll a 6 for the peace-keeping forces. A 3 wins you antennae...to provide basic civil services!

[bgrotto]

Nada is the new Uno.

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

Which begs the question, how do you play 21 anymore?

[cew821]

You forgot scrabble, now updated for 2009 with a very special update -- a version you can use ONLINE! That's right, now you can play with all of your cyber-friends in cybersp-- wait what? What the hell? WTF is Scrabbulous? Oh HELL no. Marty, call the lawyers!!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

I expect to receive damages. Emotional trauma.

[sparrow Amy]

Scraabble could use a good head- to- toe makeover!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

Scrabble: Hmm...I have this gorgeew combo...what can I make with that...what can I... OH! Got it! "WAR CRIMINAL."

[TMLong]

HAHAHAHA

That was funny as hell.

[ErvinA]

That's not all, Jilly! Milton Bradley/Hasbro has also announced the following for 2009:

CONNECT 4 has been down-sized, and will now be called CONNECT 3.

OPERATION will now hold a national tournament, and the top players in the country will get to perform actual surgeries to help combat rising health care costs. You don't have health insurance? No problem. Current OPERATION National Champion Jimmy Ploog, 19, from Toledo, Ohio, will be glad to remove that pesky appendix in exchange for a large bag of potato chips, a case of Red Bull, and a pair of your wife's panties.

[sparrow Amy]

I thought they were re-naming it "Collect Free".

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

NOTHING is free, Amy

[sparrow Amy]

Hungry Hungry Hippos - Each Hippo represents an AutoMaker. The object of the game is to consume as much of the AutoMaker's Bailout on the playing field as possible. The player whose hippo has "eaten" the majority of the Bailout wins!

"Who will win? No one knows! Feed the hungry hip-ip-pos! "

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

Which Hippo flew a corporate jet to the party? Who knows! They'll all be eating money anyway!

[JenAVD]

This is great! Way more productive than thumb-twiddling and cheaper than people watching at Starbucks while we're all in between jobs. Bonus: keeps those critical thinking skills sharp!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

I like to think I channel my frustration...somehow. THanks Jen - hope to see you back soon!

[LacyDeane]

Brilliant! I remember them all! What an ideal holiday article for simplicity at Christmas. Kudos to your Holiday sparkle. I'm printing it out and reading it tomorrow during Christmas dinner. Everyone needs a transport back into the good ol' days. Okay, so that's not what the article was supposed to be about; but it's Christmas. I will find the good in anything. Great article. Thanks for sharing it!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

I'm so flattered! Anything to perk up the Christmas season (it might not show through in this PARTICULAR piece, but I am an unabashed rudolph-watching, ugly-pin-wearing, get-fat-with-aplomb fan of the holiday)

[fayeruz]

Hilarious commentary. Shocked not to see Trouble. Remember that game with the dice popping bubble? The sound of the dice popper was quite prevalent in my life throughout the 80's and I'd love to see how you'd loop that one in!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

Trouble: Race your 401k around the board to get it back to the mattress safety zone. Be careful - when another player pops that housing bubble, they might knock you right back to homelessness!

[tigerlyly]

"Advance 3 to the liquor store!"

Woo-Hoo!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

which doesn't NEED a bad economy...

[TMLong]

You really are brilliant, Jilly. This should be in the Times. Oh wait... Huff IS the new Times.

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

With a better sense of humor and a staff that TELLS you when their articles were written by someone else.

[kparadis]

It's really too bad we don't get $200 for passing GO. Maybe the MBTA should start that. I'd even take a free coffee for passing go. Great article! I totally own all of those games!

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

As do I, as do I. No one claimed I'm a grown-up...

[Gusser]

Liked the article----miss the old board games. Cannot believe they are changing Clue--no more conservatory?? Colonel Mustard is "Jack Mustard?" Whose dumb idea was that? Next they'll be changing the tokens in Monopoly. I still want to play with the top hat.

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

Right? And no more fantastic horse-statue-dude, no doubt.

[mooks75]

I still have to look up that Pastor Warren fellow on Wikipedia every time his name comes up. How does he wield so much influence and how can I do what he does?

[Jilly Gagnon - Huffpost Blogger]

All you have to have is a bigoted viewpoint and a bully-pulpit and you're set!

After the inauguration, it's doubtful you'll forget him...