Hollywood's Special Glow
They've finally done it. They've finally transplanted a human face.
Well, to be technical, they've already done it 3 times before, but this is the first American time, and thus, the first time that counts.
Now let's not get all tedious and start talking about the "ethical dilemma" that this potentially brings up, the "just because we can doesn't mean we should" of the affair. Sure, your Single White Female nightmares may take on a horrifying new dimension. It's possible that a new surrogacy market could arise, in which immigrant females sell their faces to rich Americans, leaving them with quickly-spent cash and a face that makes them marketable only as maids for radio. And yes, it's likely that Nip/Tuck will tap into this as another plotline/adolescent fantasy that the "writers" live out at the expense of the captivated, the horrifyingly captivated, viewing public.
But that pales in comparison to the real import of this news.
It means that Hollywood is psychic.
Think about it -- we've already seen Junior, the great career-defining work of the esteemed Californian governor, played out in real life. Hell, it's heading for a sequel. And now Face/Off, with its eerily plausible world of switch-faced good and bad guys, has been shown as not a work of escapist science fiction, but a harbinger of future truth.
Knowing the Nostradamusesque predictive power of Hollywood films begs the question: what else is on the horizon that we've already seen on the silver screen?
Battlefield Earth: If there's one thing that the Face/Off prophecy can teach us, it's that John Travolta's works are infused with a greater meaning, not yet made clear to us. All the more reason to pay attention to the epic religious saga that is Battlefield Earth. Why else would Tom Cruise suddenly have a sense of humor about, of all things, himself, if he didn't see the spaceship's tractor beam coming for him, ready to prove him INSANE...ly right?
Quantum of Solace: Within the next year, the opening action scene, with its kill-or-be-killed death-defying feats, will be used as a guideline in final interview rounds for jobs in media and finance.
Minority Report: Actually, this is kind of already happening, what with Google targeting ads based on reading your e-mail (how did they know I was interested in both silicone spatulas and a biography of Montezuma?), and us starting a whole "strike them before they strike us because they might do it, maybe, we think" precedent...proving the power of the scientologists once again!
Soul Plane: The free-falling economy will convince many not-working-much black actors and musicians to pursue second careers in airline safety. HIGH-larious!
Zack and Miri Make a Porno: Lots more people will be doing porn. Lots. People who don't have the money for the surgeries you wish they'd had already. Like face transplants.
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Touche, Jilly Gagnon, touche.
Wondrous! Love all the references wrapped up in each other. Though I resent the Americo-centrism. But nothing my native sycophancy can't handle.
More, please!
P.S. Hope against hope your prescience theory works with Milk, as least as far as Mr Franco is concerned...
Um, Americo-centrism is clearly the only centrism worth maintaining, right? I thought that was a given, like "coffee helps you wake up" and "making looks like that will make your face STICK that way!"
Of course, you're right; what was I thinking!? Must stop trying to make a distinction between Americanism and globalisation...
Bravo! Hilarious. Can't wait to read you more often!
Thanks so much, Abbey! Can't wait to deliver!!
Good article. But, we hardly saw 'Junior' played out in real life. A woman with a beard had a baby, not a man.
Potato, puh-tah-toe. That's much easier to say than to write.
Witty piece! It begs the question: what's next? Brain transplants? May I nominate Ann Coulter?
I'm already so good looking. People are going to want to have my face!!
Sleep with one eye open, Pun.
Face transplants have been all the rage since the 80s. Just because you don't have it done all at once-doesn't mean you haven't had a face transplant.
Brilliant darlin' !
OK, really-if "face plants" are allowed-the waiting list in California is going to be off the hook.
Can I please have John Travolta's chin?
As far as I know, no one else is asking for it...
Hollywood?
HollyDID.
A very witty article.
thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!
See E. Jean Carroll's Profile
Very, very clever, Miss Jilly! Congrats on your debut!
I will take Mickey Rourke's cheekbones and place them on my
sagging rumps.
They may not help much - he's not exactly Mr. spring chicken...
Personally, I'd love to see Grease come true. Nothing like an impromptu musical to bring people together at the holiday season.
And what do you think High School Musical 3 is really about? Spooky.
John Travolta's movies predict things? Puh-leeze. Why can't any of the old Looney Tunes cartoons come true?
As for the idea of a special glow, that brings to my mind the nuclear age. Aside from the fact that - as I understand it - every person on earth is irradiated, there was the John Wayne movie "The Conqueror" about Genghis Khan. Ignore for a minute the fact that John Wayne played a Mongol. They filmed the movie near where the army was carrying out nuclear tests. About half of the people involved in the production got cancer, and then about half of those died from it.
Have you seen all those old Looney Tunes? Take a look at the wartime ones and be careful what you wish for...
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