Southwest Introduces Freecreditreport.com Guy Flight Option

After receiving an overwhelmingly positive response to Dave, the rapping flight attendant, Southwest Airlines has announced plans to introduce that freecreditreport.com guy on select domestic flights.

"Dave has been really great, and we want to extend that good feeling even further, specifically to the older, whiter sector of our customer base," said John Bianco, VP of Southwest's media relations division. "After all," he added, "we're not 'liberal northern airlines,' or 'hiphop air' - we have to look out for all of our customers equally."

Passengers over the age of forty seem excited about the new service. "I've always liked flying Southwest, but if that cute pirate-costume fellow is on there, I'm gonna make sure I don't use anyone else," said Gloria Fitzsimmons, a homemaker from Dallas. "Those rappers like to do the weed and use their gats, which isn't something I want my children to be exposed to. But a message about fiscal responsibility that's hip and fun, too? I'm 'down' with that," said Mrs. Fitzsimmons, laughing. Mrs. Fitzsimmons' daughter Lauren, age 14, was seen to visibly roll her eyes at this statement.

Customers will also be given the option to opt out of flights featuring Dave in favor of a later departure time, or to pay $25 extra for a guaranteed freecreditreport.com guy showing.

"It's not about race for me, it's really about the economic plan," said Frank Anderson, a passenger who opted for this extra fee on a recent flight. "I just agree more with freecreditreport.com guy's message, that's all. We're post-racial anyway, and rap music is an artistic expression too, and of course his even being on flights is good for our country as a whole..." Mr. Anderson trailed off, and, noting "the time," dashed off to make his flight. "I heard Dave's a Muslim, which makes me nervous about our flight's security," added Mr. Anderson's wife, Lynn, before following her husband to security.

Detractors note that while freecreditreport guy is certainly going to help entertain passengers in-flight, his performances are not flight-safety related, nor, in fact, is his service free. Still, Southwest officials are positive about the additional service option. "Really," Mr. Bianco noted, "if it came down to it, whose hands would you rather be in, a fine upstanding young man like freecreditreport.com guy, or 'Rapper Dave's?'" He raised his eyebrow suggestively. "That's what the Southwest customer thinks, too."