Dear Ms. Crowley,
I heard your replay of the spoof of the McCain mom and child ad, written and performed by my friend and colleague Laurie Kilmartin, who created it for 23/6. You gave yourself credit for it, and yet you did not write it.
Since you obviously have difficulty coming up with original material for your program or your books, I would like to offer my services as a writer. My rates are very reasonable and I have many satisfied customers in the comedy, political and journalism professions (references available on request), but since you remain a steadfast supporter of Bush and the Republicans, and since the special material for you would most likely include lying, manipulating facts, fear mongering and the promotion of bigotry and intolerance, my rates would naturally be doubled. But I am sure that since you are a very well paid member of the vast right wing conspiracy, you should have no problem paying up. Because of the job market and general state of the country, I now see the importance of joining the Republican status quo myself, and I look forward to not worrying about things like the law, gas prices, job loss, pollution, a dead relative in Iraq or my plastic surgery and hair highlighting bills. Also, I like to pick up guys in airport toilets, and if I'm a Republican I can get away with it, right?
You seem to be aping the style, manner and appearance of Ann Coulter. I can help you move closer to that goal, by writing a series of snappy one-liners that call for the assassination of those you don't like, as well as great jokes that use words like "faggot," "raghead" and "picaninny." I have lots of great faggot jokes I'm tired of using that you would love. Since you work for FOX, I could easily come up with some great racial insults that don't sound like racial insults but really are for Obama and his wife. Sean Hannity will wet his pants when he hears them.
As far as using material that others have written, I know several comedians who would have no problem helping you with that, since they regularly lift material from other comedians for use in their act. I cannot divulge these names to you here but would be happy to provide you with a list at our 1st meeting.
For writing samples, you may visit my Huffington Post page, or my website, www.jimdavid.com. I look forward to hearing from you.