Romney and Huckabee: Hands Off My Family

Mitt Romney, he of the perfect Mormon mishbucha, doesn't think my family is a real family. Of course, who knows what he really thinks, since his every calculated move is as sincere as a lap dance. On Hardball, Romney advisor Jim Talent made the typically convoluted statement "Look, he wants to know people to know he values gay people as people, okay? But he doesn't want the militant gays to be able to change the cultural institutions of the country." That sounds like a plantation owner saying, "Our maid Odessa is just like a member of the family" while making her eat on a TV tray in the kitchen.

Recently at the end of a performance I fell off the stage, badly injuring myself. I was either swept up in the adulation of the crowd or indulging an impromptu Ann-Margret fantasy. It happened faster than Romney flip flops, taking me completely by surprise, and I hit the floor at whatever MPH one hits the floor when not paying attention and falling 6 feet.

Since it happened out of town, I flew back home to be surrounded by family. My partner (that would be my domestic partner legally recognized by the City of New York) and our doctor swung into action, making the hospital and surgical arrangements. My partner picked me up at the airport and took me to the ER, which resembled the green room of The Jerry Springer Show. It turned out that I had severely dislocated my shoulder and fractured the humerus in 4 places. The doctor told me that had I fallen about an inch to the left, I would have broken my neck and you would not be reading this.

My partner was by my side in the ER, filling out forms, talking to residents and nurses, and making sure I was taken care of. He signed my health care proxy to guarantee he could make decisions should something go horribly wrong. He dealt with the surgical team we were meeting for the first time, to whom I was incapable of saying anything other than "duh." He was by my side when I woke up in the recovery room after four hours of surgery. He was there until all family members were told to go home. At no time did anyone in the hospital treat us like anything but family.

Had New York's domestic partner legislation - definitely a "change in the cultural institutions of the country" - not been taken care of many years ago and absorbed into the society, my partner wouldn't have been allowed past the front desk and I would have been alone.

Our health insurance provider includes me as a spouse on my partner's policy at work. The provider has treated us as a family in every way, helpfully answering questions and concerns. Had the provider listened to Mitt Romney and declined to cover domestic partners - another change in the cultural institutions of the country - I would be forced to buy my own freelance health insurance at about five times the cost or have none at all. None of my prescription meds would have been covered. My surgery and hospital bills for the 3-day visit will total over 25 grand, but that's another article.

My sister came from Georgia for a few days to take care of me after my partner went back to work. With my right arm and hand temporarily inoperable, it's amazing how many things I can't do. Eating without spilling is a great victory. But with my family here, it is easier. At no time, for 20 years, have my mother, father, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles or cousins treated my partner as anything but family.

In short, we are seen as a normal family by everyone in our lives, except for Mitt Romney and Mike Huckabee and their "evangelical" followers, who don't even take the time to see gays as actual human beings with actual lives. They both give lip service to gays as "people," saying gays are "human" so please don't attack them and leave them bloody on the street because that requires expensive police activity.

But equality? Forget it. You see, we're too busy living our "lifestyle" of endless parties, fashion shows and boogie nights. We don't actually do things like break our shoulder and require assistance from family. These people will gladly vote down any legal protections for my partner and me, and in the name of "family values," try to destroy ours. The evangelicals would happily see me dead rather then compromise their precious "values."

I have news for Romney and Huckabee: There have already been significant "changes to the cultural institutions of the country," and society is moving forward with you or without you. Preferably without. In the meantime, my very real family is helping me heal.

Comments

[Bucinka]

Jim, this was a great column and I wish you a speedy recovery so we can see you on Comedy Central again real soon. That said, I suspect that the people that really need to read this column don't read the Huffington Post. This article needs to get out to Faux News, the Washington Times, and every gay-hating church we can find in this country. And the mainstream papers in every conservative city we can find (I'm looking at you, San Diego Union-Tribune!). Posting here is preaching to the converted, possibly literally.

[gaia]

Jah! You said it.

Anti-gay fanatics are hateful, pure and simple. Stupid as well " it only weakens our country when antiquated laws and attitudes systematically undermine millions of citizens. Yet every Republican and most of the Democratic presidential candidates pander to these miscreants.

I'm voting Kucinich in the primaries to get the delegates and advance my goal of equal rights for gay people in America.

PS: Best wishes for a quick recovery, Dave. When I had neck surgery my partner fed me mounds of bitter greens, which taste like the medicine they are. But I healed superfast (2-3 months instead of the predicted 4-6), really surprising the surgeon.

Everyone from hospital intake to post-op had no problem with my partner's involvement.

[zizyphus]

Not only the civil rights of gay people are at stake if any Republican hate-monger gets elected, half the country, the women, will have their equal rights abrogated when these maniacs try to repeal Roe v Wade.

Huckabee wants an amendment to the constitution that will make it impossible for a woman to get an abortion even in the case of rape, incest, or the woman's health. I am sure Mutt would second that motion.

Can you imagine giving birth to the child of your father, or the child of a rapist? How about giving birth to that child knowing that you would die in the process? That is the rosy future for women under the Christian Taliban that is trying to assume control of our political process.

[progressiveinga]

Great post. Thank you. Sorry about your accident and I pray for your speedy recovery. It's unconscionable that gay couples are not afforded the same protection relative to health care as hetero couples. How this would undermine our country's institutions is a true mystery. Let's hope the days of fear and intimidation are over come January 2009 and we can all enjoy the same basic rights.

[QueenMaedb]

Dukeneil - "Reply" isn't working for me, for some reason. Regardless, you are correct!

DOH! Silly me. How could I have forgotten THAT? And I wasn't even smoking -- let alone inhaling!

Cigar, anyone?

[itmaybetoolate]

As everyone gets swept up in "Obama fever," let's not forget his pandering to certain homophobic factions in the African-American community by appearing on the same bill with McJerkin, the "ex-gay" gospel singer and preacher. You know,the one who was saved from his "sin" of homosexuality? It is not just Yuckabee or Dubmney. It's Obama too. Does he think our families are equal to his?

[memi69]

I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm going to say this anyway.

I'm the wife of a transgender woman. I thank God that I met her as a man because I would have wanted to marry her as a woman too. We both fell in love with each other as people, not our gender.

We are coming up on 11 years since we met and we've been married almost 9 years. We married in Illinois and now live in Missouri. Since she hasn't had surgery yet, our marriage is still legal. It will be a little murky post-surgery, but as long as we want to be with each other, there's nothing that can be done legally.

What I worry about is that with another Repug in the Oval Office, our marriage could be voided and we won't have a say so.

My brother-in-law is gay and has been living with his partner for at least 5 years now with no hope of knowing how "blessed" being married can be.

The biggest thing missing in this country is love and respect for one another despite our differences.

[scbuzz]

Good grief, Jimmy! I had no idea you'd had such difficulties. Hope you're progressing with your recovery.

But to the topic at hand... Yes, I see these antics first hand all the time here in the friendly and welcoming (as long as you're straight and white) Southeastern US. I wrote "my" (in quotes because he certainly doesn't represent ME on anything) Senator regarding H.R. 1246 (which would recind Don't Ask, Don't Tell).

He responded, "I do not believe it is appropriate to use the military for social change. The moral behavior of members of our Armed Forces is critically important, especially during this time of war. Homosexual individuals can serve our nation, but should only do so under the current policy."

I wrote back and told him how utterly offended I was at his choice of language. So at least to Senator DeMint, not only are we not worthy of forming families, but we're not "moral" enough to serve openly in the Armed Forces either.

[QueenMaedb]

I wish you a speedy recovery, Dave!

I dated an Evangelical for a while and asked him about the basis for treating gays like abominations. The old Leviticus thing, you know. He didn't have and answer for me when I asked if Leviticus is the rule, how come you don't own slaves?

Oh. And he cheated on me. I hate to generalize about a whole population from my own experience, but aren't Evangelicals a bit two-faced about sex?

I don't think we liberals have had a sex scandal since Gary Hart...

Could it be that Evangelicals don't like us because we are *happily* married, gay, single, straight, bi, transgender?

[bill3arnett]

Bravo! Well stated and you obviously have loving people surrounding you. I wish you a speedy recovery.

[hopeless277]

Trust me, if either of those criminals gets elected, gays won't be the only second-class citizens. Anyone making less that half a mil a year will be virtually powerless and without rights or civil liberties. I can already see the black humvees with the bear claw logo patrolling the streets with immunity from all U.S. and international law. They don't just despise gays, they despise America.

[LeftRight]

Thankfully for me, I don't have to worry about whether the city I'm in has this kind of law. My wife and I are legally married throughout the whole US. The fact that there are still people who are not allowed to marry because of the reactionary right really pisses me off. I hope that you get better, my stepfather had something similar, took him several years to completely recover.