How do teams become champions? How do family teams endure life's trials and tribulations and ultimately thrive? Since 1974 I have taught a simple formula for success called the S.C.O.R.E.® System. It is a thought-management process for improving Self-discipline, Concentration, Optimism, Relaxation and Enjoyment. This thought-management system is used to create winning teams that include sports, business and families.
As a coach to famous people in sports, business and life for over three decades, I have recognized that the price of fame is very steep. The bright light of it reveals blemishes and beauty marks equally. Once the flaws are revealed, they are magnified for all to see and judge.
And no two people have been more judged by millions of people, gossip columns and tabloids than Jon and Kate Gosselin of the TV reality show, Jon & Kate + 8. As a "change your life" coach to the best athletes and corporate CEOs in the world, I witnessed 75% of my clients' job performances were greatly impacted by the toughest arena of the world -- marriage. Jon and Kate, however have the cameras squarely on this dynamic arena.
As my father used to tell me in our home in Kentucky, "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy." My Mother used to say the same thing about Dad.
So, how do Jon and Kate get a 50 year marriage that begins and ends with two people equaling more together than apart? This question has not been answered by more than 50% of all married couples, while the majority of the other 50% ponder this question regularly. Great expectations and achievements require even greater sacrifice and the willingness to compromise.
As one of the most visibly married couples in America, Jon & Kate Gosselin showcase their marital acumen and parenting skills to their eight children (six of whom are sextuplets) in view of millions of Americans through television and print media. How do Jon & Kate equal more together than apart? What are the solutions to these questions?
There are five keys to repairing Jon and Kate's marriage:
1. Self-discipline is paramount. Jon and Kate must be willing to attempt to individually repair their marriage. Each must take back as much control as possible of their limited private life. No past experiences need to be addressed initially. A moratorium on finger pointing, judgment or being a victim needs to be in force.
2. Concentration is required. Jon & Kate need to focus on what they want and NOT what they don't want! Each need to write down a reasonable list , independent of each other, of what they want and expect in a significant other. This list includes: sex & romance, social interaction, parenting, finances, careers, regular communication, etc. What characteristics do they want their significant other to have regarding these issues? This "wish list" should be all encompassing.
3. Optimism will be the glue that bonds their relationship. What part of their list will they compromise or sacrifice in order to make "1 + 1 = Jon & Kate + 8?" This will take great thought on each of their parts. This will be the true litmus test to their success or failure as husband, wife and family. They must see the relationship as it will be. They must see it as if it's so.
Optimism is their belief and expectancy that the marriage will not only survive, but thrive. Each needs to see in their daydreams a life with each other. Shared vision brought them together and it will bring them back. The relationship is only as good as what each thinks about the other when they are apart.
4. Relaxation is being comfortable with each other, free from worry and anxiety. Find the common denominators that showcase a peaceful and tranquil "Jon & Kate + 8" under one roof. Will this be easy? Not with the cameras flashing and ratings at stake. Turmoil sends ratings through the roof. Do they want more viewers or more constants in a world of variables. Routines that both agree on will create the constants for this to happen.
5. Enjoyment is the bottom line and the end result. Enjoying one another's company when there is chaos around you is the challenge. Both Jon and Kate need to laugh together and rekindle their friendship. Intimacy will follow. Finally, both parties together need to discuss where change and compromise can take place. They need to enjoy this union of husband and wife.
Can Jon and Kate survive their turmoil? Can they rekindle their marriage? Stay tuned.