How's your relationship? Remember when you first started dating your significant other? Just being around them made you feel giddy. You wanted nothing more than to spend time with this person. When you were apart, all you could think about was this person, and how lucky you were to have them in your life. When you and your significant other talked, the conversation was carefree. You talked about the future. You talked about your life together. And you talked about what you wanted for each other. At some point, your relationship started to develop a shared vision. Your relationship was no longer about you and me; it was about you, me and us.
This was when 1+1 equaled 3 or more in your relationship. It's when you and your partner equaled more together than apart.
When 1+1 equals at least three, a couple is looking down the line: 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. The couple sees that they have shared vision. But time inevitable passes and soon, you're busy with other stuff, and your partner has his or her own agenda and obligations.
Once you commit to your relationship, comfort kicks in so you can focus on other things. Thoughts about your partner may still creep in, but they are not as vibrant and they're not as awesome, because other things have taken their place.
Life becomes much more complicated.
Being in your relationship is just not as easy as it used to be. When you go to bed at night, you're thinking about your own vision, your individual goals. One person may even be going to bed thinking about another partner... not the one in the bed. Pretty soon, you wake up and 1+1 does not equal three anymore. Your vision is no longer shared. You don't talk about the future; instead you're always talking about the past. And the only things you have in common are the kids and paying bills.
Is this where your relationship is? Is this where it is heading? Or, is this where it has been? In a relationship, it's all about what you think.
Your relationship is only as strong as what your partner thinks when you're not there. Know your partner's goals. Know their individual vision. Really sit down and talk about the milestones that are coming up. What are the things you want to do? What places do you want to go see? How and when do you want to retire? What do you want your quality of life together to be?
Does 1+1=3 in your relationship? Shared vision brought you together and the lack of it will eventually tear you apart. Work on your math. You'll have a better life and a better relationship.
Jim Fannin
Jim Fannin is America's ZoneCoach. He is a best selling author, platform speaker, peak performance and executive coach. His client list reads like a who's who list featuring celebrity actors, directors and entertainers, as well as 26 MLB All-Stars, 7 world's top 10 tennis players, scores of PGA stars, NBA All-Stars, NFL All-Pros and Olympic Gold Medalists. In addition, Jim has consulted with 350 of the Fortune 500. Check out his new book 90-Seconds To A Great Relationship. Find Jim at www.jimfannin.com.
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