I asked my high school son if he had an idea about a topic for me to write about today.
"How about grades?" he threw out.
I immediately wished I hadn't asked his opinion. He's smack in the middle of preparing for finals next week. And the only thing on his mind are grades. Why couldn't he suggest nuclear fissure? Or thermal conductivity? Anything but my thoughts on grades. You see I really don't worry (AND AN IMPORTANT SPOILER ALERT TO SOME PARENTS: You may not want your kids reading this!) all that much about grades. I think they are grossly over-emphasized. And sure, maybe if I had a kid bombing out of biology or tanking in trigonometry, I might feel differently. But trust me, I have had plenty of past experiences with kids who crash and burned a test or simply struggled for a semester in a sticky subject.
And while I always try to support and encourage my kids, I don't over-react to their GPA or class ranking. They are just grades (and a special shout-out to my oldest son. Yes, I know I threatened to send you away to a military school when you were 15 if you didn't get your scholastic act together. What can I say? I was young. You were my guinea pig. Sorry, pal.)
Maybe age and experience are finally sinking in. Or maybe I'm just old. Maybe I've just heard one too many kids so stressed that they think a "C" in calculus is going to crumble their prospects for the future. And I'm tired of it.
Let me be clear. I think kids should work hard, use their talents and take school seriously.
But more than anything, I want my kids to learn how to learn. To enjoy the educational process. I want them to be exposed to interesting teachers. I want them to love learning. I want them to be open to others' ideas. And mostly, I want them to enjoy the journey they are on.
So, son, if you don't mind taking off that 40-pound backpack of books and homework, I'd love to pat you on the back. I'd like you to know that I am proud of you for many reasons. I'm proud that your teachers tell me that you are a joy to have in their class. I am proud to hear that you help other kids. I'm proud to know you to be a young man with an inquisitive mind and a challenging spirit. I'm proud that you laugh. And that you don't take everything so seriously.
I'm proud to have you as my child.
Please remember that your grades are just one indicator of success.
Do me a favor, will you? Somewhere in your intense study schedule over the next week, take a break every now and then.
And enjoy being a kid.
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You've touched on a subject sensitive to parents, students, and teachers alike.
Thank you for facilitating the conversation with grace.
The Dudes' Daddy
www.daddingdudes.com
Now THAT is funny stuff! LOL!
Why do I not push him? Because life is about balance. His job as a teen is about more than high marks! He must learn to self-manage his time and body, take responsibility for his actions, understand cause and effect, and maintain healthy friendships. Further, he needs the space to fail, while he still has a safety net.
He comes home from school and does his chores, usually without reminders. When asked, he helps with additional chores without fussing. He has great friends. His teachers like him. He volunteers in the community (OK, I actually make him do this ) and he participates fully in the dinner table conversation topics. He may not have the best grades, but he is an absolute gem of a kid and his self-management skills will likely take him much further in life than some of the A+ students that he goes to school with.
My parents were as challenged as you are when confronted with trying to help my baby sister with it. She was two years younger than myself, and had been advanced placed in elementary school.
Much of public school curriculum is couched in contemporary educationese and it can be pretty impenetrable (sp? lazy) if you are not indoctrinated in the vernacular. But all public school students are brought up in the context; therefore, failure is pretty deliberate in most.
Grades are a reflection of the work invested during the grading period. As a parent, I want my child's grades to reflect the fact that she dedicated herself to doing her very best. First step for parents is recognizing what their child is capable of achieving. For some kids....the best they can do is a B in a normal, non-honors classroom. And the parents have to understand and be proud of that. Not everyone in the world is capable of straight A's and honors classes....
Does that make me a bad parent?
Doctor
And having been a hiring manager for a major corporation, getting hired is completely about your major, the college you are from, and your GPA, especially when there are 2,000 applications/resumes for three open positions.
Stop worrying about it, stop asking, just stop.
What we do now: if the kids want to show us their grades, that's fine. If they don't, that's fine. Of course, we can get them from the school, but the kids don't have to know that and we say NOTHING about grades unless the kids tell us what they have.
Grades are the ONE thing kids really have control of. They can choose to do well or poorly - and little or nothing you can do to stop it. Grounding them? Nope, never did that. Grounding just makes YOU miserable. A grounded teen is a sullen teen. No-one wants a sullen teen.
Our kids were told their grades are their decision. Funny, after we stopped worrying about their grades, yelling about them, offering bribes for good grades, punishing for bad, etc. Every single child we have got better grades. Our 4th child is still 18, just finished her first year of university, and when she returns will be a 2nd semester JUNIOR with honors. She "skipped" a year and half of university because of her courses and grades in High School - which we never knew about!