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If Bad Turns Worse -- a Rhyming Rant

10/07/2010 02:24 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Oh Goldman Sachs predicts that we
Will have a weak economy.
Yes Goldman's outlook is plain sad:
It's "fairly bad" or "very bad."

But what if Goldman changes terms?
If "bad" turns worse, the nation squirms.
And what will new predictions do
To you and yours? Well, here's a clue:

If "fairly grim" or "very grim,"
Your broker takes a pseudonym
And good luck ever finding him.

If "fairly damned" or "very damned,"
You'll find the soup lines very jammed
With tales of woe ad nauseam-ed.

If "fairly vile" or "very vile,"
Sackcloth and ashes come in style
And will remain so quite a while.

If "fairly grave" or "very grave,"
And your nice home you cannot save...?
Check out the nearest comfy cave.

If "fairly dead" or "very dead,"
Turn out the lights, get into bed,
Pull blankets up and hide your head.

If "fairly doomed" or "very doomed,"
Milt Friedman's corpse will be exhumed
And spat upon and re-entombed.

If "fairly bleak or "very bleak,
A cup of hemlock you should seek.
Take undiluted, never weak.

So heed how Goldman labels all
The months ahead. What will befall
Your family if the "bad" turns worse?
Just memorize this prescient verse.