What's better than being in love?
Whether you're seeking a new relationship, just falling in love, a newlywed, or together for 10, 20, or even 50 years, being in love is extraordinary. We long for it -- and yet there's no place lonelier than a relationship once it's cooled off. We may not even be surprised when it does because we have so much proof.
- After all, 40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce ~ as do nearly 60% of second marriages.
- I used to feel that he/she was just about perfect, but then he/she changed.
- Falling in love again is impossible and unrealistic, isn't it?
I'm here to tell you that it's not. Yet I'd be lying if I said that after 36 years of being together, every moment has been bliss. In fact, we've fallen in love again a number of times!
Here's what I've discovered. As you read what I've learned, these ideas may appeal to you or give you an insight into something you could do.
- Decide what you want. It's all too easy to wallow in the situation and be anxious about how painful it is. The problem is that what we focus on, is what we get. In other words, the more we think about what's wrong, the worse it gets. If you truly want you and your loved one to fall in love again, shift your attention to what you want and what you can do to make it happen. If that's not what you want -- or you're waiting for someone else to make it happen -- then you know why things are the way they are.
- Open your eyes. What's really happening? Who is this person you're with? Is he or she really the way you've come to think of them? Is it true that he or she doesn't love you any more, is more passionate about work, and has lost sight of who you are? Not so long ago I realized that when I looked at Tim, I couldn't see him any more ~ all I could see was my story about him. He didn't stand a chance.
- Be present, be positive. I absolutely love this guideline because it's so simple, and it works every time. When I'm in this present moment, the story disappears -- there is no past or future, just this precious instant. So when I catch myself watching my tired old movie, I repeat this mantra. When I'm present and positive, my love and passion ignite, and I fall in love again -- and wonder of wonders, so does he.
- Listen to your heart. My heart knows how to be and what to do; when it's in charge good things happen. I listen, really listen. I care what he thinks, and what he needs. But when my mind gets involved, I'm making up concepts that lead me away from what I want. It's looking for proof about how it's all his fault -- and full of pride about how I'm the good one, the one who's always doing the right thing. A while back I shared about the late Susan O'Malley, the young woman, who constantly shared her positive view of life and her love for everyone she met. One of her posters reads,
- Have faith. I've noticed that if I try to manipulate a situation to get what I want, if I stick my fingers in the works, if I try to hurry things along, the good things I want don't happen. When I let go, trust, and have faith -- moving slowly and trusting -- there's space for the good things to come. In the meantime I do my best to stay on this path.
It's not easy, at least it hasn't been for me. But the more I take back control from my grasping ego and follow my heart, the more love comes naturally and falling in love again is happening right before my eyes. Above all, I'm so grateful for my dearest Tim, who loves me deeply and respects me for who I am.
Before you rush on, take a few minutes to make a note of the next step you'll take toward falling in love again.
I'd enjoy hearing about your experiences of falling in love and what works (or isn't working) for you. Either scroll down to leave a comment, or write to me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.
To make your own Best Year Yet Plan:
- Get Your Best Year Yet! -- there's a free workbook in the back of the book.
- Answer the questions online at bestyearyet.com.