Exorcise the Ghosts of Christmases Past

Christmas is such a funny time of year. There's so much expectation from friends, family, and the media to create a glittery, delightful experience. And yet, if you've previously experienced trauma or ill will, during the festive period, you may well find that Christmas is laced with anxiety and dread.

Whether major, life changing situations, like bereavement and relationship breakdown; or, something less dramatic like a family argument, it can be all too easy to slip into the habit of tarnishing each new season with the ghosts of the past.

So, how can you avoid letting past drama dampen this year's spirits? Well, first off, by recognising that the perfect families you see on TV are fake. That a brilliant Christmas doesn't need to involve huge financial and gastric indulgence. And that, even if things aren't how you imagined they would be, they are the way they are, and you can learn to appreciate what you do have.

As it is, the only people without challenges are the dearly departed. And, Christmas is just as good a time for things to go wrong as any other. So, if you are facing some challenges this Christmas, and wondering, "Why me?", instead consider, "Why not you?" Do you know someone who is more deserving of those challenges?

And I don't say that to be trite or belittle your circumstances. But simply to illustrate that difficulties are a fact of life, and the only thing you can control, is how you react to them.

So, if you find yourself missing loved ones this Christmas? Then instead of feeling hurt and wounded by their absence, instead choose to feel grateful for the amazing times you got to spend together, and how that has impacted who you are today.

If you have the desire and opportunity to repair a fractured relationship, then just go and do it. Don't be stubborn and wait for the other person to act first. Somebody has to make the first move. It might as well be you.

And, if you don't have the desire to repair a relationship; then don't. But don't let it hold you captive with bitterness and regret either. Just let it go!

Of course, sometimes, you won't have any opportunity, due to bereavement, or because the other party has no interest in repairing the relationship. If that's the case, then once again you have to let it go, and instead focus on what is good in your life, rather than what you've lost.

Also, don't feel that you have to suffer through your Christmas, in order to honour the past. You need never feel guilty for living for today. After all, it's the only thing you're guaranteed and, if you're always looking back, then you'll miss out on the great opportunities that continually appear in front of you.

And, even if you find yourself completely alone this Christmas time, it's nothing to be sad or ashamed about. Take some time to get to know yourself better, read great books, start a project, discover your life's purpose, or head out and do some good for others who are less fortunate than you.

You see, no matter what your situation, or past Christmas experiences, your mind is completely within your control, but it'll run riot if you let it. So, put your memories away in a safe place, perhaps write them down to help release them, forgive those that have caused you distress (especially yourself), and focus on honouring your here and now.

You deserve to have a joyful festive time, and a deeply fulfilling life, in whichever way is right for you. So, allow other people's expectations to melt away, and go and do whatever you want.

Merry Christmas

Jo xx

Jo Davidson is a Coach, Author, Columnist and Motivational Speaker, who has forged a successful career supporting women to fulfill their potential, by casting off fear, abandoning limitations, and taking massive action to achieve their goals. Connect with Jo today at The Fearless Women's Circle.