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Joan E. Dowlin

Joan E. Dowlin

Posted: November 30, 2010 10:01 AM

Firstly, let me say that it was very brave of Sarah Palin to allow us into her home to see her personal side with her new reality series Sarah Palin's Alaska. At the same time, she must have realized it would open her up to new scrutiny from observers like me (whom she would probably label "lamestream media") who noticed certain subtle flaws in her parenting techniques.

She may say since I have no children I have no right to criticize her and she is probably right. But because she is apparently grooming herself to run for the highest office in our nation, here I go again.

Watching her interactions with her two daughters, Piper, 9, and Willow, 16, I have come to the conclusion that she is a pushover with her children. Allow me to explain. In episode one of her series, Piper and a friend are in the kitchen with Mama Grizzly making cupcakes. Piper deliberately sticks her finger into the batter and licks it then sticks it back in and then licks the hand whisk and puts it back in the batter to whisk some more. Her friend calls her out on it but Momma Sarah totally ignores it as though she didn't see it. Then Piper calls her "Sarah" which she also ignores and later explains to the camera that Piper calls her that when she wants her attention.

This is an obvious sign of disrespect for her mother and maybe the key word there is "attention." Piper is quoted on the plane ride to the lake as saying her mom is always on her blackberry. In another scene in the boat where Piper and her friend are fishing with Sarah and Todd when they come across a mother bear and her cubs. Piper begins making grunting bear-like sounds and Sarah says "Piper, pipe down, you will scare them off." Piper keeps grunting and then finally decides to stop on her own. Again, her second series of grunts are mostly ignored by her mother.

In another filming in their home, Willow is running up the stairs to her room while Sarah is calling her to come down as her boyfriend has arrived. Willow totally ignores her mother's request. Sarah's reaction is to tell the boyfriend he is not allowed upstairs (perhaps hoping her second oldest teenage daughter will not make the mistake her first one made of getting pregnant at 17) as she shows him the gate blocking the steps. She says "you can text her" as she goes back to her nearby computer.

Later the boyfriend sneaks up the stairs and Sarah texts Willow. The boy then slinks down the steps shortly after that. I guess this is what our society has become: discipline through text messages. Whatever happened to good old fashioned face to face confrontation?

Some may say I am nitpicking and that Sarah Palin's girls are just kids being kids or teenagers going through puberty. But I believe these incidents are symptomatic of a bigger problem. All parents are constantly being tested by their children and I feel Sarah failed both in this particular episode. A parent must win the respect of their children by either disciplining them in the moment or at the very least lecturing them on they proper way to treat adults. Otherwise, the parent will be considered milquetoast. This "peace at any price" method of ignoring the bad behavior does not work in the long run.

My gut feeling is that Palin's daughters should have been punished in some way. How, I'm not sure. Maybe we should call in the Supernanny, Jo Frost. They are both a little too old for timeouts. It seems to me Willow and Piper are acting out to get their mother's attention, so "see no evil, hear no evil" is not the answer.

If Sarah Palin has a hard time communicating with her own daughters, how is she going to do with Congress or other world leaders who come to visit the White House? Will she ignore them too?

Ironically, this series is showing a contradictory side of Sarah Palin that is different from the one articulated by her oldest daughter, Bristol's baby daddy, Levi Johnston. He has painted her as a tough authoritative figure. Well, who can blame her for having some anger at the guy who got her teenage daughter pregnant?

This brings up the sexism issue always bantered about by political pundits. To clear the record, I am not being hard on Sarah Palin because I believe women should be scrutinized as parents more than male political figures. Look what happened to former Mayor Rudy Giuliani when his daughter turned against him in the 2008 race for the GOP presidential nomination. He sank in the polls.

I believe there is unfair pressure from the press put on women running for office in both parties (not just conservative women, look at what Hillary Clinton went through in the 2008 Democratic primary). Because women are traditionally seen as the "weaker sex", they often have to project a tough image to stand a fighting chance against the men. Thus, Hillary's chugging of whiskey shots and talk of duck hunting and Palin's frontier woman image of her shooting moose and climbing mountains in this new reality series.

Conversely, this image sometimes backfires as assertive women are often reviled in this society as they are called the "b" word or considered abrasive. I believe Nancy Pelosi suffers from this phenomenon. With all the bills she has gotten passed through the House of Representatives in just two years, she should be hailed as one of the most successful Speakers ever. If she were a man, she would be given credit for her accomplishments, but instead she is accused of overreaching.

It is a delicate balance that a political woman must reach between being tough yet feminine, dedicated to family as well as career, a disciplinarian as well as a diplomat, and someone who can blend faith with principles.

I am not saying Sarah Palin does not love her children. It is obvious that she does as shown by her unguarded moment in a recent Dancing With the Stars episode where her daughter, Bristol, danced a waltz. She looked as if she was ready to cry with an expression that showed both pride and affection as she mouthed the word "beautiful."

She showed a similar vulnerability on her face after the 2008 election while listening to her running mate, Senator John McCain concede defeat. If Sarah would show this real and human side more often I believe she would win more converts to her political mission.

But for me, somehow Sarah Palin must resolve this nagging parenting issue. As a born again Christian, isn't it her obligation to "train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6) as it says in the Bible? At the very least she should teach her children to follow one of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12): "Honor Thy Father and Mother."

 
Firstly, let me say that it was very brave of Sarah Palin to allow us into her home to see her personal side with her new reality series Sarah Palin's Alaska. At the same time, she must have realized...
Firstly, let me say that it was very brave of Sarah Palin to allow us into her home to see her personal side with her new reality series Sarah Palin's Alaska. At the same time, she must have realized...
 
 
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Jamie Schler
Writer at Life's a Feast & Huff Post blogger.
02:47 AM on 12/05/2010
Oh, and yes, even as someone who has no children herself, you are a voter, a citizen andhave the right to comment on any politician's situation if what you are commenting on plays a role in their politics and in their possible ability to govern.
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Joan E. Dowlin
06:09 PM on 12/05/2010
Thank you, Jamie. I agree with you. If Sarah Palin is thinking of running for our highest office we have a right to scrutinize and try to get to know her as a person. Parenting skills falls into that category.
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Jamie Schler
Writer at Life's a Feast & Huff Post blogger.
02:06 AM on 12/05/2010
Hillary Clinton (like Michelle Obama) is an extremely well-educated career woman who, from the get go, was a "working mom", who never (except under some strange, sexist political pressure) fell back on her role as a mom. Yet she, again like Michelle Obama, has raised a fabulous, well-educated, polite and discreet daughter. The Clintons & the Obamas keep their daughters out of the limelight and their family life is rarely pushed into the public eye. Sarah Palin has created a political persona that revolves around her family, her being a mom, her family values. Her children have been dragged from political event to political event, are always being shoved in front of the camera and are used as political props. Yes, you have every right to talk about her lousy parenting skills, her inattention to her children, their wild, vulgar, outlandish public behavior, their rudeness to people while out in public and their unruly behavior at home. You have every right to discuss the teen pregnancy, parenting through text messages,the dragging of poor Trig around, sockless in winter, like a sack of potatoes. If she had been as discreet about her children and family life as the Clintons, Obamas and even the McCains, if she had protected her children and kept them out of the tv camera lights then maybe they would be off limits, but she has no right to use her kids as political props then say no one can talk about them.
12:07 AM on 12/05/2010
To Joan Dowlin:
You need to use the subjunctive case, when something is not certain.
You wrote this:
"If Sarah Palin has a hard time communicating with her own daughters, how is she going to do
with Congress or other world leaders who come to visit the White House? Will she ignore them
too?"
More accurately:
"If Sarah Palin has a hard time communicating with her own daughters, how would she do
with Congress or other world leaders who come to visit the White House? Would she ignore them
too?"
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Joan E. Dowlin
01:45 AM on 12/05/2010
Thanks for the correction. The first way is a much scarier thought.
11:26 AM on 12/03/2010
I don't think Governor Palin, and her advisers, would look upon this program as an insightful exercise about a onetime and future, perhaps, Alaskan public servant at the edge of a beautiful wilderness.

No, it's to further the brand.

So, her response to those incidents may have been her attempt to look like a "good Mom" by consciously demonstrating patience and tolerance. And, the kids may have been trying to push her buttons, perhaps resentful of their competition with her political ambitions and/or enjoying the liberties presented because the camera crew is keeping Mother's temper in check.

At this point, i emphasize I don't know the truth and I've always been suspicious of politicians who want us to vote for them because they are family people.

We have no idea if the production crew contributed in some way to the events depicted. They want to make good television and conflict provides a means to that end.

About the boyfriend sneaking upstairs. Why? Does he do it all the time? Hasn't he been told the rule before? If it's the first time he's tried sneaking upstairs, does he really think that the afternoon a camera crew is in the house is a good time to try this? Did someone suggest it to him? Did someone from Palin's handlers suggest it to the kid in order set up a scene of Mom being cool in dealing with it using teen-friendly text.

The treachery of images.
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Joan E. Dowlin
10:09 PM on 12/04/2010
I see what you are saying. It's hard to tell what is real even though it is a "reality" series. When I saw the previews of Willow pushing Piper's head into the birthday cake and everyone laughing I was appalled. Then when I saw the actual episode it was Willow's cake and Piper had her head down close to it slyly attempting to lick it when Willow took action (with Tripp or was it Trig in her arms?) So it didn't seem like that bad a thing to do. Even Piper was laughing about it. Funny thing was in the preview you could hear Sarah in the background saying "Willllowwww" in a scolding way but they edited her voice out in the actual episode. This may have been an action egged on by the producers to give the show some spice. The show seems to get duller every episode.
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loosebowel
The Truth and Nothing but the Truth
08:06 PM on 12/02/2010
Depending on who you speak to, some may say she lacks parenting skills. Others may say she is an unfit mother. I say yes to both.
04:58 PM on 12/02/2010
It seems to me that the Palin kids don't seem to have any goals other than what is right in front of them--money & publicity. But, why should they have goals to want to further their education, listening to their Mother, education doesn't do anything for a person. You just have to have "common sense". Let's see where that and a $10.00 bill get them. Of course, they are going to be part of family money now and inheritance, that Palin seems to hate in other people. Funny!! Phony is the only word that comes to mind for her right now.
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Jamie Schler
Writer at Life's a Feast & Huff Post blogger.
02:25 AM on 12/06/2010
Ah, parenting by example? Yes, it shows every single day in the Palin family from the rude, violent outbursts when someone says or even hints something negative about you or your "clan", get-rich-quick celebrity lifestyle over education, the vulgarity and the disrespect of any authority figure. Ignorance breeds ignorance.
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rich3324
Likes: Chasing villagers. Dislikes: Fire
03:16 PM on 12/02/2010
Using her children as props shows a lack of parenting skills.
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rich3324
Likes: Chasing villagers. Dislikes: Fire
02:23 PM on 12/02/2010
I think the worst parenting mistake she makes is putting her children into the spotlight. They are not props, their her children.
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noaxe397
09:31 AM on 12/02/2010
The sword cuts both ways.  While women may appear to be held to a double standard between being too aggressive on the one hand or the weaker sex on the other, there is this trend among conservative women to play the gender card when it comes to their politics.
 
We've seen/heard this with Palin, Angle, Linda McMahon, Christine O'Donnell;  "Man up;"  "Grow a pair;"  "Take off the skirt.", when referring to their male opponents.
 
I think it is too early to tell regarding how the Palin kids will turn out.
 
remember how George Bush's two daughters were getting into trouble with the law with the underage drinking?  Heck, I think Jenna was on probation from one violation when she was at it again and hauled in for a second violation.
 
Yet today, by all accounts, both daughters have grown to fine young women.
 
 
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12:39 AM on 12/02/2010
You have no clue what it is like being a parent, so yes....you have no business criticizing anyone on their parenting skills. Until you walk a mile in someones shoes......
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Joan E. Dowlin
12:03 PM on 12/02/2010
That's why I mentioned it in the article. However, I had parents and feel I can assess their skills. I was present for that. They raised me well with love and attention.
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11:16 PM on 12/05/2010
Times are different today and parents have a lot more things to deal with when raising kids now. It is easy to say "I would do this....".

Besides, from what I read about her kids, they all seem to love and care about each other. It may not be the way you would do it, but they seem to be a close family. They aren't perfect, but then who is...plenty of families deal with many of the same issues as the Palins.
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05:06 PM on 12/02/2010
Just take the observations with a grain of salt mrskorn, it will be all right.
08:30 PM on 12/01/2010
Levi Johnston was a much a teenager as Bristol Palin was at the time she got pregnant. Why does Sarah have the right to be annoyed with him?

You don't have to go inside the Palins' home to see that there are some serious problems that are reflected in the behavior of the children. If Chelsea, or Malia, or Sasha behaved as the Palin brood does it would definitely be seen as a deficiency in their parents.
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12:40 AM on 12/02/2010
And how do you know HOW those children acted? Are these children scrutinized as the Palin children are? We have no idea how these children really are behind the scenes.

It is so easy to criticize the Palin kids.....all families have their problems, some are just more open about them.
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03:03 AM on 12/02/2010
it is easy to criticize the Palin family... because Sarah serves them up on a platter day after day to be criticized. the greatest public interest surrounding Chelsea Clinton was speculation over which college she would attend. her mother was not shoving her into a spotlight to try to pad her own resume of responsiblishness. neither do the Obamas place their children in these kinds of absurd situations the Palin kids manage to find themselves in time and again. a reality show approached Sarah Plain's husband to compete in some ridiculous dance contest... so she convinced them to take her daughter instead. really?? what serious political family would engage in this kind of behavior? what kind of responsible parent (period) would do something like this? i remember the Obamas talking about how much they regretted allowing their daughters to be interviewed once in 2008. you can't ask for respect for your family's privacy, then parade them around the center ring while you collect money at the door. does not work that way... sorry. all families have their problems, but all families don't have those problems.
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JimmyD
07:50 PM on 12/01/2010
"Will she ignore them too?"
I think we already know the answer to that.
It's Sarah's way or nothing. God how I loathe her.
07:25 PM on 12/01/2010
If the choice is attention from Sarah Palin or being ignored by Sarah Palin her kids are probably better off as they are.
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DoyouhaveaflagUK
Really? Is it really that important.
04:23 PM on 12/01/2010
Parenting skills and the name Palin don't really belong in the same sentence- as 3/5 of her children have been on drugs, alcohol, theft, vandalism, and teenage pregnancy... ummm yeah I'll pass on that infomercial, my kids are doing GREAT, and I don't even need a book tour or a reality show!
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Jenmomof7
03:33 PM on 12/01/2010
isn't the biggest issue is the pimping out the children for financial and political gain - being a parent or not- I think most reasonable people would agree that they have created an unhealthy environment and platform to which these kids must live. I chalk her up there with the Gosselin family...though she's much more dangerous.