"Tell All The Drag Queens to Stay Home"

A few years back, Bill O'Reilly suggested to me that gay pride parades were a big problem for the gay rights movement. These parades shoot your movement in the foot, he told me in front of his faithful viewers one night in June (including my mother). His argument of course, is that the more "normal" we appear and behave, the lower the "ick" factor, and the greater our chances for securing equality (I hope I have the chance to talk about the "normalcy" of marriage with him sometime).

I remember thinking that O'Reilly thought I had quite a bit of power. I remember his words "your movement." MY movement. Wow. He thought I was in charge of all the gays. Hell, I can barely handle my three children -- how could I taken on 5-7-10% of the U.S. population?

Or here's a better question. How could I get all the "Dykes on Bikes" and all the drag queens on roller skates to agree to stay home? Was he expecting me to have a big meeting of all the gays? Maybe a conference call -- I suppose that would be easier than attempting to arrange for all the travel. (except of course the dykes on bikes -- they have their own transportation).

Bill, there isn't going to be any meeting. You see, the gay and lesbian community is diverse. I do not own a motorcycle. I think they are scary and dangerous. I am considering leasing the new Honda Pilot because our 13 year-old son needs more leg room. And the thought of going topless down 5th Avenue horrifies me at least as much as I believe it would horrify onlookers.

But that's just me. I feel strongly for one day a year, the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities get to celebrate who they are. It's a lot of pride and a good dose of Mardi Gras. Pride parades are moving, theatrical, hilarious and powerful -- for those who march and for those who look on. And not all of the festivities are everyone's cup of tea.

I have long argued that it is neither the drag queens nor the dykes on bikes that are the issue when it comes to Pride parades. Instead, the perception of the parade is shaped by Mr. O'Reilly's industry. God knows that a drag queen on roller skates makes for much more interesting photos and video footage than the Gay Alums of Yale or the hundreds of families who push strollers down 5th Avenue or the Gay Officers Action League, the organization of gay and lesbian law enforcement personnel in NYC.

I think it's Mr. O'Rellly who needs to call a meeting of his peeps.

As for me, I rather wish I could pull off the big gay meeting. I'd tell everyone to have fun, be proud and to be whoever they would like to be. I'd tell everyone that the parade is fun and it's important. I would ask everyone to take home at least one pamphlet from a gay organization and commit to reading it the next day. I'd remind people to be safe. And I would remind them that as they walk down 5th Avenue, they stand on the shoulders (sometimes padded) of many who walked before them. Many who walked at great risk and many who are no longer here. And I would remind them that others will follow their lead.

(PS. If O'Reilly isn't going to show the diversity of Pride Parades, I will. Send your photos along to [e-mail])

Comments

[mbaty]

It's just fun, that's all. And so many of us spent so much time being ashamed and hating something intrinsic and unchangeable about ourselves, that when we finally reach past that illusion we are compelled to express pride in what and who we are. And we like to have fun like everyone else, but we no longer need to conform to some robotic gender-identity role of "boys wear this," and "girls do that." It is truly boring to most of us anyway.

[Infostream]

mbaty, why don't you organize a group to do a minstrel show in the next MLK parade, or maybe a hilarious group dressed as crack dealers and ghetto pimps, let's see how that goes over!

If drag is representing pride, why is every single gay guy I know disgusted by the idea of a few guys who are willing to perpetuate a misleading demeaning stereotype just because they are desperate for attention? The PC straights and "feminists" here are assuming most gay men think drag is wonderful, and that is the whole point of the media zooming in on every drag queen, to perpetuate the false stereotype.

Who cares if teenagers commit suicide in fear of being ridiculed as a big flaming joke, not to mention the millions of gay men who choose to stay in the closet, and ruin some poor woman's life, because they don't want to be identified with drag queens. It's all worth it if a few desperate guys with low self esteem can get some attention by being laughed and pointed at by conforming to an ugly obnoxious tired tired tired lame old cliche stereotype.

below, XCITIZEN claims I'm nuts to think drag is a demeaning stereotype, and then goes on to try to ridicule me by claiming that I'm just po'd because the stereotype is true and I secretly want to put on high heels and a wig - WOW!

[XCITIZEN]

GAY PRIDE is GAY POWER! Thanks for your post, Joan.

[troykendal]

"Ick" Factor .... give me a break

[KPinSEA]

Well, the drag queens and dykes on bikes are probably no more representative of the gay & lesbian communities than green face-painted drunkards puking in the gutter in a St. Patrick's Day Parade are representative of Irish-Americans, but let's face it, parades bring out the extroverts in any community.

Maybe Bill-O can focus on fixing that St. Patrick's Day problem before he starts asking other communities to clean up their extroverts.

[Infostream]

Let's forget o'reilly and the bible-thumping haters for a moment, and let me ask about what it means for gay men to embrace stereotypes to express "pride". Would you think it's OK for a Black pride parade to consistently be represented by groups embracing racist stereotypes? I'm a gay guy and i always get a queasy feeling when i hear guys call each other "girl", not because of how it looks to str8s, but because of what it mean about how they think of themselves. It's supposed to be funny? Like using the "n" word it's about the lamest tired old cliché joke imaginable, I expect a little more from humor. Believe me I love freaks and non-conformists of all kinds, the problem is that in gay culture I don't see a guy dressing in drag as rebellion but rather as cynically conforming to a negative stereotype. The bottom line for "pride" to me is simple - it's the 14 yo guy who is starting to think he might be gay, and the horror that it means he is destined to be emasculated and walk down the street in heels and lipstick, sadly a fate to which many prefer suicide.

[BadCompany]

No wonder Billo & Co find it so easy to demonize with your help.
Did it even occur to you that drag queens are neither rebelling or conforming to a "negative stereotype"?
They're just wearing clothing that is "stereotyped" as "female" AND there isn't even anything exclusively gay about doing that.

[Infostream]

Your PC police attempt to ally me o'reilly and co is BS, i am not demonizing anyone, i'm just challenging the idea that dressing in drag is an expression of pride.

You say there is nothing gay about wearing women's clothes, I agree, so then explain - if it has nothing to do with a gay stereotype why do guys show up in drag at every gay pride event. Just a big coincidence? They considered dressing as pirates or astronauts but then oops just all happened to show up in drag?

The only question is whether it is liberating or self-hating. As I said I don't think there would be any question if we were talking about racial or sexist stereotypes, but then we all have such a good laugh at the fags, why question it? I can only say after being out since 1970 in my personal experience, those who put on the obnoxious queeny gay stereotype have never struck me as having high self-esteem, they themselves will be the first to viciously put down and find completely unattractive another gay man for acting the same way, if that's not self-hatred I don't know what is. So I'm not saying they're bad people, they often are the best and most involved in political and humanitarian causes. I just worry they are making themselves miserable by putting on the fake stereotype society has imposed on them, and helping perpetuate it to o'reilly's delight.

[seanID22]

What's so great about normalcy and the cultural ideal of masculinity, which not even most straight men fit?

As was suggested in the commentary above, do we arrest the drag queens? Do we institute a dress code as older gay rights marches once did?

Your comment, and the many I hear like it, suggest that we gay people are children and that heterosexual people are adults and we must always be on our best behavior in front of the adults. It shifts the blame for discrimination away from homophobes and on to gay people. And further, what is the point of presenting us all as normal Joes and Janes with children living behind picket fences? The most obvious flamers are always going to contradict that PR move because they are most identifiably gay. As far as I'm concerned, if heterosexuals or questioning 14yos can accept our most egregiously gay members, then that will make it so much easier for the less fabulously gay among us.

As for drag - it's not for everyone, not for me, for instance - nor am I a "dyke" on a bike, but both those groups represent gender diversity, which I think is an important contribution of the gay community to society at large.

[Infostream]

Sean, it is hard to believe you were responding to my post, but maybe your reading comprehension skills are just not that great. My whole post was based on not caring about what others think but rather considering what it means internally to people who transform themselves into an oppressor's stereotype irrationally thinking somehow it expresses "pride".

As I said above (can you read?) I don't see dressing in drag as non-conformity or "abnormal", but rather as a self-hating conformity to a widespread conventional stereotype. So regardless of what str8 people think of it do you think this is really healthy for the gay guy doing it to himself?

Oh yeah, and the idea that a drag queen has anything to do with femininity, is as ridiculous as thinking white people in minstrel shows represent Black people. The whole idea of drag is to ridicule women and femininity, just as blackface is meant to ridicule being Black. Drag queens are loud obnoxious caustic petty and absolutely desperate for attention, defining those ugly traits as femininity is an insult to femininity.

You place the burden of survival on the questioning 14 yo to magically see past the overwhelming stereotypes that sentence a gay man to being an emasculated judy-garland-loving punch line in lame Leno joke, and relieve of all responsibility the adult gay men who put their desperation for attention above everything else.

[parkerfly38]

I'm sure I'll get flamed for these sentiments.

I'm a proponent of homosexual rights. It's not an issue I would ever vote for in either direction...I agree, I have it easy in life by merit of being hetero, married, and religious. Most of what drives my support of equality for homosexuals isn't because I believe in tolerance, but because I believe in equal protection under the law. A gay coworker puts in the same hours as I do at work, he or she deserves all the same rights and protections for his or her partner and themselves. If they pay taxes, they deserve to have the same access to marriage by the state, I believe.

All that said, I struggle with holding sympathy for the GLBT movement because of the drag queens and the Dykes on Bikes, just as others had and still do have trouble with militant portions of the black civil rights movements. Historically, it's when our commonalities prevail that acceptance begins, as demonstrated by the thousands of loving couples "sealing the deal" in California recently. I believe this will change minds in the U.S. So, if maybe I can't abide Priscilla, Queen of the Desert moving in next door, but I would trade sugar with Ellen and Portia, can't that be good enough?

[LiberalIncarnate]

I applaud you for supporting gay equality.

It is important to remember that there are many things that the GLBT community may find equally offensive coming from heterosexism. Where are the positive gay stereotypes on TV? Will and Grace? Is that it? Must the GLBT community be put on display solely for your laughter? What about marriage rights? How do you think it feels to be educated that gay relationships are "throw aways" and "unnatural"? What do you think that does to the psyche of a gay man? Do you think that he truly believes that he can maintain a healthy relationship? No... we have to learn these things and we have to learn them under the backdrop of continual structural violence that denies basic human rights to people based on who they are.

Being from Portland, Oregon, I can tell you that Pride is nearly as big an attraction to straight people as it is for the GLBT community. They LOVE it! They come out and celebrate wearing t-shirts saying, "Breeder for Gay rights", etc. They out number gays marching in the parade... why? Because they believe in equality to the depth of the souls and believe that Pride is not only a celebration of being a part of the GLBT community, but a celebration of life.

[kathy001]

There are degrees of extreme with people of every persuasion, not just gays. I see no reason why anyone should be forced to share or witness behavior of any kind that bothers them. If you "can't abide Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" that's your choice and you have the right to not watch. I, personally, did not like being forced to abide the chained and tattooed obnoxious creep next door who liked to play his music full-blast at 3AM, park junked cars in his front yard and work on them with his pants sagging down to his knees, and sit on his front porch guzzling beer and talking about the wild sex he was planning with his girlfriend at the top of his lungs. But, with the exception of the 3AM noise, which the police did do something about, I didn't have a choice because that person has the right to be who he is, just as Priscilla has the right to be who she is. Believe me when I tell you, there are people who make much worse neighbors than Priscilla.

Otherwise, I applaud your take on the issue. What you are talking about is equality, plain and simple. I wish it were that simple for more people.

[volumexxvii]

I see no reason you should be "flamed" for you comments. All I want is equal protection under the law and the love and support of the people I care about.

I don't care whether or not you're cheering me on while I'm wearing a mini-skirt, a wig, and rollerskates... nor do I care if you compliment me on my work that I do for the homeless while I'm wearing a tux and looking very WASPy at a stuffy straight-ish charity event.. or if you buy me a replacement beer after you accidently kick mine over when we both jump up to yell at the baseball game.

My point is - yeah - I do - I am - all these things. Yesterday I was covering a gay pride event for a local radio station while wearing my camoflage hunting cap and a pink skirt. I'm Priscilla on occasion, and sometimes I'm Al Bundy. The fluidity is what I love.

If you were my neighbor, I'd be more than happy to let you borrow my tool set... or a cup of sugar... but you might not get an invitation to drag queen game night.

[BadCompany]

No, that's not good enough.
There's no such thing as "homosexual rights".
They're called "human rights".
Drag queens and dykes on bikes are human.

[alguien]

years ago-like back in the very early 80s, i was on the staff of one of the largest gay newspapers in southern california. the lead editor was bemoaning the plethora of drag queens, dykes on bikes, club boys in skimpy clothes and all of the other trappings of gay pride that cause so many on the right wing to clutch their pearls and plotz. i told him that it was high time for us gay people to stop worrying about what some individuals of the hetero persuasion thought because the gay pride celebration wasn't/isn't for straight peope. it's for us-the gay people and we are therefore entitled to celebrate as we see fit.

[apikores]

O'Reilly should tell all these people to stay home: the David Vitters, Eliot Spitzers, Bill Clintons, Larry Craigs, and oh yeah, that pervert who settled a sexual harassment lawsuit alleging he wanted to rub his assistant all over with a "falafel." They are giving us straight people a bad name

[leftcoastliberal]

One year all us gay guys should all march down the street in gray flannel suits and the lesbians in unattractive skirt/suit combos with sensible pumps. Kill the glitter, rolller-skates, and costumes. Everyone exactly the same and.... BORING! It would drive the point home that a lot of diversity and a little stardust is what gives life its flavor. Even Bill O. and the frightened queer assimilationists might reconsider their wish that we homosexuals erase our fabulosity to fit into the tired straight-jacket of conformity (that straight people have been slowly but steadily abandoning since the '60s anyway).

[Durango]

The problem goes back much further than Bill O Reilly.

Back in the 1980's I began to see disturbing images on my television set.

On Sunday mornings there were programs sponsored by Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell and that crew railing against the "Radical Gay Agenda" using footage from Gay Rights parades. The struck me at the time as so similar to anti communist programs we used to watch on Saturday morning (anyone else remember THE BIG PICTURE) sandwiched between cartoons and old Busby Berkley flicks.

These were a well thought out propaganda campaign designed to incite fear and hatred of Gays and Lesbians.Why did the so called "Christians" needed to hate anyone?

But they did. And what started out back in the 80's flourished into a full blown war against gays and Lesbians by the 1990's.

They made a lot of money off their propaganda campaign. And turned that hatred into political capitol. (wasted on George Bush)

But I wondered then as I continue to wonder: Why the need for such a deliberate campaign of hatred?

Especially by alleged followers of Christ?

[marylandtravelinman]

The idea to blend in, to fit in is called the CLOSET. Been there done that! NOT AGAIN, not for anyone!

[zizyphus]

Pride parades are important and should continue. No more closets for our gay sisters and brothers. Let O'Reilly sit in the closet, when the GLBT pride parade goes down the street.

[martymartymarty]

People forget that often the Pride parades are the only glimpse of gay folk that makes it onto the news. Those of us living quiet non-"diverse" lives in small town America aren't out parading and being confrontational. The Pride parades serve a purpose, but that purpose often ends up being counter-productive. Straight people who don't know they know plenty of us "normal" gay folk look at the drag queens, leather geared, otherwise outrageous and assume it's part-and-parcel of what *ALL* of us are about. Similar to the assumption that we all love dance music, have vast amounts of disposable income, and have hang ups about our mothers. Just like in the straight world, *some* of us do, *most* of us don't. I just get tired of the "bad" examples serving as the *only* examples seen at large. Those of us setting quiet examples don't get lauded, we hardly get noticed, but it's us who ultimately change the way straight people see us when they realize that we are "The Gays" more often than not.

[ohmemercylard]

then go outside on pride day, walk down the street w/your gay family, and be proud of it. let the neighbors see you. if you think gay people are being misrepresented on gay pride day, go out and represent yourself. maybe on that one day of the year, martymartymarty could become marymarymary?

[aninconvenientgay]

My thoughts, exactly.

[martymartymarty]

>>>maybe on that one day of the year, martymartymarty could become marymarymary?

[oafishcad]

The largest gay organization in the world is gay bowlers.

[LittleBrother]

Now, THAT'S a Crime Against Nature! ;)

[sfsilver]

If Straight people don't realize that they know "normal" Gay folklike yourself it's because you CHOSE to be so silent about who you are. If you had half of the bravery or honesty about who you are that the drag queens and leather folk do then your point might have some validity. Being openly out no matter what your Gay identity is the key to acceptance, not blending in.

I don't relate to your PTA, suburban, child rearing, khaki wearing version of Queer reality any more than you apparently relate to the concept of personal freedom and expression. I don't want to be accepted by people only contingent on my ability to be exactly like them in every way except for who I have sex with (in the darkness and out of the public eye privacy of my bedroom only), that is not freedom or liberation, or acceptance in my estimation.

[martymartymarty]

You presume a *lot*. You have no idea what my life choices have been, nor what they are a result of! You are also projecting some "contingency" that is solely limiting yourself.

I am as out as any parading drag queen, I am just not loud and confrontational about it. Instead of antagonizing the straight folk with in-their-face flamboyance, I time and time again ensure steps toward real progress by making them realize they can be comfortable knowing someone gay. Everyone who knows me knows that I am gay, but it is not (a) the first thing they learn about me and (b) not the ONLY thing they know about me.

Without that comfort from the "normal" quietly-living-my-quiet-life folk like me, *all* they see are the exhibitionistic, hedonistic, confrontational aspects of gay life. You're quite right when you say you can't relate to me and my "PTA" etc -- which is exactly the problem and the attitude that is ruining what's left of any gay "community". The queers in the ghettos and on the coasts have little use for those of us in between, and that ends up being reciprocal.

[StephenDedalus82]

It's a parade, not a funeral march. IF there's an "ick" factor, the entire point of the in-your-face, over-the-top gay pride parade is to express the notion that whoever is shocked, it is their problem, not ours. We do not live our lives wondering how best to appeal to the provincial. Most of us feel better for the diversity we are exposed to--more tolerant of all humans because of the camaraderie we feel among all the various groups represented by a pride parade. Being among so many "freaks," who are nonetheless human beings, has even made me more tolerant of straight people.