A Softer, Gentler Michelle Obama?

I was asked last week whether I thought the anticipated appearance of Michelle Obama on The View was calculated to soften her image and reach out to the stay-at-home moms who are fans of the show. At that moment, my gut said some consultants (and maybe even her husband??) are sticking their noses where they really don't belong.

Talking about whether Michelle Obama needs "softening" is (yes, I'm going to use the word again) sexist to me on a couple of different levels.

First, why is there an idea that a strong, educated and accomplished woman needs to have that downplayed to be viewed as an acceptable wife and First Lady?

As much as some of us wanted Hillary Clinton to win the presidency for the message that could send our daughters, why isn't the image of Michelle Obama in this campaign equally empowering? I'm more than happy to have PunditGirl learn that Michelle came from a modest family who worked hard to help put her through college. As someone who had to work several jobs and take out school loans because my farming parents didn't have the money to send me to college, I want my daughter know that: (1) women can do whatever they want, but that (b) it's not all going to be handed to you and you've got to work for what you want.

I also want my eight-year-old daughter to learn that there's nothing wrong with have opinions and being outspoken enough and confident enough to express them, even if others disagree.

Michelle Obama sends those messages loud and clear.

Second, why are appearances on "women's" television shows seen as something less than any other campaign stop? The suggestion that campaign-related events that are aimed at women are somehow less worthy and not as important as speaking in front of a union crowd or landing a slot on the Today Show is yet one more way that the perception of women voters are lessened in the election process.

Admittedly, I wasn't happy that Barbara Walters started off the show with the pantyhose-or-no-pantyhose debate for Michelle or that someone felt the need to have the potential first lady engage in a discussion with Matthew Broderick about what his five-year-old son eats. That just feeds into the perceptions that we ladies are more worried about "girly" things than politics. I'm happy to have those discussions (for the record, I'm clearly a no pantyhose kind of gal and PunditGirl and Broderick's son are both on the buttered noddles diet), but isn't this still just another effort to reach voters that should be respected for what it is?

We live in a new era of media and voter outreach, so, in my book, whatever avenues campaigns can tap into are ones that should be explored. Shows like The View aren't better or worse, they're just aimed at a certain demographic. And, as people keep saying, if women are the demographic that's going to elect the next president, then Barack Obama and John McCain would be pretty foolish to ignore them or for journalists to think less of them and the shows they watch while they're doing laundry or working at their computers.

Some say Michelle Obama is in for a rough ride from the GOP and that the attack machine is at the ready to use her strengths as a way to fight against her husband and that her appearance on The View was meant to head that off at the pass.

I have a piece of advice for the Obama campaign -- stop worrying about whether Michelle is softer or gentler. Don't play into the smear agenda. Let Michelle be herself -- strong, confident and positive -- and turn the GOP's faulty strategy against itself.

Trust me, there are plenty of women, Democrats and Republicans alike, who relate to Michelle Obama more than Cindy McCain. Step up and use it for your advantage, even if it's on The View.

Joanne Bamberger is better known around the blogosphere as PunditMom. When she's not writing here or at her place, you can find her hanging out with the MOMocrats or at BlogHer, where she is a Contributing Editor for Politics & News.

Comments

[GrainOSand]

I agree with most of your article Ms.|Mrs. Bamberger. I do not think it is calculation but more realization that she needs to continue what she was doing (speaking publicly) but do it with the understanding that there are people in America who are being feds lines of garbage concerning this woman, this human being, this daughter and mother. Those people need to see her as she is without distortion provided by the likes of Forever Offensive News (FOX). Mrs. Obama seems genuine and genuine people have a hard time pretending to be other than they are. The Obama marriage does not seem like a dictatorship but more a cooperative, so I think any decision to go out and speak directly to voters was a joint decision of equals, which is the way it is supposed to be. As for all of the points made about this societies' view of women, I will leave you with...........Right on sister!

[NCGigi]

Oh please. If Barak followed John McCain's lead and called Michelle a C**T, she would slap him silly. I think it really speaks well of Obama that he married a woman who is as tall as he is; it shows confidence in his own identity and masculinity. He's dreamy.

[MyThought]

They did it to Hillary - don't let them do it to Michelle. What exactly is wrong with Michelle Obama - she's smart, presents herself well, attractive, obviously a good mother and wife - so what's the problem here?

Ah, yes, the right can't stand an independant woman - that doesn't like baking cookies...remember?

[Incredulous]

Why didn't Cindy McCain's appearance on the View create such a firestorm of controversy? This is beyond absurd. Every pundit and blogger in America is going on and on and on about Michele Obama's appearance on the View! What a crock of shit! All it does is allow the media to repeat the phrase "angry black woman" over and over and over. Do you think we don't understand how propaganda works? Good grief!

[KarateKid]

Women in general haven't shown me much in this election cycle, whether candidates, wives of candidates, feminists, blog writers, pundits or columnists.

For the average voter, there are more pressing issues than the women involved in this election, and their causes, feelings and opinions on totally inane topics.......pantyhose or no pantyhose?? Sheesh......

[Zeje]

I agree. The make over of Michelle O. is a distraction from the news.

[BalancedEgg]

For every fearful, throwback mouth and mind with a negative view of this heroic and modern woman, there are thousands of thoughtful, conscious people giving her both quiet and vocal support. Michelle is a stellar antidote to the current first lady whose vacuous support for her husband's crimes shows a simplistic world view and her calcified gender specific role. As American culture races against the clock to "grow up" before it is too late, Michelle is a vanguard representative of what it means to be an American Woman for the 21st century. Michelle's comment about being proud of the American political system for the first time gave voice to a generation of women, minorities and so many other disenfranchised groups who FINALLY saw in our current presidential race, the promise and product of generations of struggle to get to the table. If the MSM and the white elite want to use this comment to batter her, they are in essence battering ALL of those who know first hand from whence she came and of which she spoke. The truth of this statement is evident in the reactions.

[Soothsayer08]

There is an old saying "If it ain't broke don't fix it" and that is the reason that these consultants shouldn't try to make Michelle Obama into something she isn't. If they succeed she will become as fake and phony as Hillary Clinton and Cindi McCain. She is a strong, successfull black woman. what is wrong with that ? Why can't people in this country accept people for the way they are and not try to make them conform to a certain model?

[Incredulous]

Strong black women make the white American male's genitalia shrink.

[AlexVonHussein]

This my suprise many Obama Supporters. But long in february , I hard a discussion with Older Jewish voters, about Obama and Michelle. What they all said. They would vote Michelle any time in the white house than Obama. I asked why? they said She is solid and very strong accomplished woman. They asked them what does Obama stand for. They said from Michelle you feel what she is for. I hope all those guys vote for Obama . For michelles sake.

[Mij13]

Ms. Bamberger, I'm with you on this one. Mrs. O is obviously a smart and elegant woman and should be allowed to be herself. Saying she needs to remake her image is rediculous, and is playing into the right-wing smear. Unfortunately, the people who are not aware of how rediculous the smear is have nothing but talk radio and Fox news telling them what's what, and I think the Obama campaign did have to take this on to set things straight. It's also letting everyone who cares to know that there is a smear going on against her, which I think will work against McCain in the end. If McCain really wants to make women dislike him and vote against him, let him keep going after his opponent's wife.

[sowhatdemos]

I saw her on the View and she did seem a bit dull, subdued, not the firebrand Michelle I've seen in the past. I was a bit let down.
But I still love her! Obama '08

[pupbayer]

She has a "handler" now.

[Thefamilyvan]

It's sad that what is plaguing Michelle plagues the rest of our country.... racism and sexism. You can sum it up this way...... Who would you pick to represent Ms. America? A dumb blond or a smart pretty African American woman? Most would pick the dumb blond right? Blonds look like us, act like us and have more in common with us (so we think). Secondly, how does Michelle play in Ohio, and Florida? I say, hoodwink them, manipulate and soften your image Michelle..... most Americans out there will buy into it as they've bought into the entire Bush agenda, do what you must do as long as it's effective in scoring the goal......

[sowhatdemos]

Michelle is drop dead georgous and anyone who considers her ugly (like my racist relatives in tennessee) needs to get a life. She will be the most beautiful and outspoken first lady in history!
Obama '08!!

[Melissa]

Sorry, no one will ever top Jackie O.

[PennP]

Because she's a woman, everyone assumes she's passively submitting to being "made over." That's sexist as heck. I think she wants her husband to win the presidency. I think she knows that his positions should be the focus of the campaign and the coverage--not hers. I think she knows that things she does that undermine his message, regardless of her intent, are not good. I also think that she comees across as an extremely likable person, very bright and refreshingly candid, and toning down what's perceived as naysaying--even if it's all completely on the money--makes her more accessible to more people. Is it neutralizing her, stripping her of her personhood? I don't think so. She's strong enough to know exactly who she is, and the woman I saw on The View today aligned very well with some of the aspects of the Michelle Obama I've read about in different profiles and interviews. Once she's our First Lady, she can give voice to her many interests and display her own ability to lead and inspire. I trust her judgment on what's happening now. It sure plays a lot better than snide comments about not being one of those women who's home baking cookies.

[Inaru]

Seriously, and in a way Michelle alluded to this learn-and-cope-with-what-is to-change-it philosophy with her story about Malia, when Malia was asked if getting up in front of such huge audiences made her nervous. Malia said, At first it did, but then I thought these people aren't here to see me, I'm just a kid, I can't make laws or change policies. They just think I'm cute, so I smile and wave, and then I go. Just like her mom and dad, Malia doesn't take herself too seriously.

And when Michelle said she was trying to pick up tips from Laura Bush, esp. her way of not adding fuel to an issue, it's just an Obama-Robinson trademark: keep learning. As Whoopi pointed out, this was the first generation to address whites as equals, we're learning as we go. I was always fascinated when upper class women spoke of "finding their voice". I'm working class black latina; I was always told to stop being "aggressive" and so loud! There's a balance, it depends on the audience and your own status in that particular group.

When she's out from under silly-season, Michelle will be a wonderful loving, indomitable force.

[Bozwellian]

YOu've made a great, far more accurate assessment...think along smae lines, as "it", the "adjustment to the audience" appeal thing is basic "marketing/common every day sense" ..we ALL do it to some extent as we too leanr the ropes of our inidvidual audiences (school, work place, neighborhood, etc..and if we don't, if we don't tune in to those semi required adherance to the nuances, well, we hamper ourselves and fail to achieve all that we are cpaable of achieving...For Michelle, its a national stage at this point, LOL, athinking here too, many of us are just NOT capable of having someone BE full frontal honest..LOL, as that gets labled abrasive rather than properly admired and VA:LUED. I prefer the Obama's NOT to be oVER HANDLED, I like their "honesty", appreciate it and REALLY VALUE IT !!! and too, I really want the most intelligent, thoughtful sorts in the WH to help lead this nation out of the present dismality !!!)

[egal]

Why is it considered impossible for a woman to be both strong and tender? Why on earth would anybody assume that because Michelle Obama is a mother and a woman and a wife, that negates her being an intelligent, outspoken, confident woman?

There are people who will misjudge her because they make race-based presumptions, gender-based condemnation, and many other mistakes of assuming. Why do those who should know better jump at this introduction of another, honest side of her as an erasure of what she has done before and who she is?

It's not like what she does now weakens or cheapens who she is, but if it can present a mainstream acknowledgement that she's not the stereotypically violent, angry, hateful black woman that too many newspeople have accused her of being, then maybe it will bring the truth of her humanity and her integrity to the forefront for some of those who would never accept her as a deep and independent person, a good mother, or an intelligent lawyer without seeing this kind of positive coverage in their faces.

Yes, people should be open-minded and bright enough to see her for what she is, but many aren't. Acting as if this presentation of another side of Michelle Obama somehow negates her strength and commitment is as foolish as calling her angry and lying about her past just because of intolerant stupidity.

[sowhatdemos]

She is beautiful, so lovely, made from love.
Her babies are beautiful too and she is going to change the meaning of first lady.
Ready for the roller coaster ride? Let's go!! YES, we can!!

[wayoutleft]

it's all consistent : ms obama says something of substance and challenge about america and the hicks barack is desperately trying to appeal to get offended. so she shuts up. i hope all obamans understand that this is a country in which candidates for high office must follow a script: the military is sacred; the country cannot be criticised; the televangelists' god is god; and interference with making money is the one american crime. tactically, obama has decided not to challenge that political canon. so political campaign dialogue remains a series of personal attacks, giant flags, and dumb cliches

[gladys46]

Has nothing to do with "softer gentler" ... Michelle is no less harder, softer or gentler than any erstwhile 1st lady or Hillary for that matter! What Michelle is IS african american!! This sexism suggestion mirrors the method of causing an african american to behave as a "good n...." and is always understood by many african americans! The writer up there ventures here and everywhere attempting the utility of a "sexist" thing she could be either naive or have no personal experience with another existance ... an existance that I feel Michelle knows very well ... that divide that she has tried to bridge historically! Has nothing to do with sexism ... rather, it has all to do with being a very visible, brilliant, confident, highly educated black woman! I speak from my own vantage point ... Michelle may not agree with me!

[Bozwellian]

..most unfortunately, you too are on the mark for many are now using the cover of "sexist" rather than fully acknowledge that there is a strong "racist" element in regards to the thrusting against Michelle in all this as well. WE ALL need yet to have the full discussion and amending to our nations racist innateness that continues to reside in (GRATEFULLY NOW SMALLER) segment of our citizenry who are truly hung up on it ..some blatantly, others use various "cover" storyied excuses whicdh promote those "smears"....It will indeed be remarkable when the Obama's take up residence , that other segment will shrink even further by the truly great role modeling that will be center stage when Obama is CIC and Michelle is First Lady of our land. This old white , hardworking fem is looking forward to it unfolding, relishing how astounded some will be causing them to toss out some very harmful , foolish notions long prejudicially held.YES WE CAN FOLKS, so happy to roll the dice and seize the opportunity offered this time around...gives one HOPE for our children and THEIR future well being !!!!