Going to Juice Some Weeds: An Online Dating Profile, Part 2

04/15/2015 03:21 pm ET | Updated Jun 14, 2015

I'm assuming you've read "Going to Pick Some Greens: An Online Dating Profile..." No, not yet...? Okay, I'll wait...

Now, ready to continue...? After two weeks on this dating site, I've made many observations that have given me much cause to pause and ponder my original objectives, enough to want to change my profile... again. And as a result of encounters I've had with some of the most interesting individuals and characters, I've had to rethink, revisit, revise, rewrite and re-post my profile... So, here is the final submission of the most recent revision... As this may be an ongoing journey with no particular final destination in mind (right now), even this version is subject to change... So, for a limited time only, read a version of my profile that docu-blogs where I am at this point in time... Tuesday, April 14, 2015... This could take a while.

First of all, why have we been conditioned to think of "weeds" as some undesirable plant growth that kills off our beautiful flowers, as well as other desirable plants...? It's true that for the past two weeks on Green Singles, my inbox has imploded with messages and comments in appreciation for my profile content. Now, the real challenge is how to weed out the "suitors" who are not suited to my health needs from those who suit my initial objectives for joining the site.

As I told one guy in an e-ail response, when I joined the site, I made no pretense of going man-hunting. I checked three boxes as interests: Friendship, LTR (Long Term Relationship) and Marriage. That being said, I am also interested in each encounter as one that could potentially benefit all involved. I don't pull weeds to throw them all away... Some of the best health benefits come from juicing some weeds. I have to know my weeds well enough to know that they are not toxic, before they go into my smoothies.

I'm actually thinking of juicing the weeds that will not be love-relationships into docu-blogs that feature each of them and their stories (with their permission, of course). They may not be right for me; however, I'd absolutely love to contribute to the whole idea of promoting connections with someone who may be perfect for them. For now, I've juiced the ideas I've gleaned from having truly enlightening phone conversations with a few of them so far.

You may recognize some of the essay questions and responses from the prequel. They have been slightly tweaked, while others have been intentionally omitted (because nothing in that section has been revised). For example, I've had to rethink the "targeted age thing" in this version... As I told one of my 39-year-old interests, he made me think about that, when he asked me to try and stay open. I realized how hypocritically inconsistent I've been with my whole philosophy of the soul being ageless and then narrowing my targeted age-search criteria to a two-year age difference. I told him quite frankly, that was me trying to "play it safe" and very biased of me, based on my previous experiences with many (not all) of my younger men. However, he's still not off the hook from having to shoulder the burden of proof. He seems to be okay with that, and he may be up to the challenge... Time will tell...

Essay Questions
Describe yourself (personality/attitude/passions/beliefs):

If I had just one of our 26 letters to choose from and to use for my descriptors, "C" would be it:

Cool, calm, collected, content, creative, cosmic, conscious, conscientious, cautious, courageous, committed, caring, courteous, cordial, considerate, contagiously clean, charismatic, charming, credibly incredible, candid, comedic, comical, cryptic, cute, cuddly, and *cougar (in your dreams & possibly mine)

*Define "Cougar" -- Over the past 20 years, I've had several younger boyfriends (as much as 11 years younger) and a few young adult students (talking 18 to 23 years old) hitting on me (with some consequence). I've recently had to narrow the search field -- for the sake of compatibility conducive to a LTR / Marriage -- to someone closer to my 1956 Model... mmmm maybe not...

NOTE: With some of the views and visits I've had here from much younger men, I may have to rethink that one... I am officially OPEN to any Old Soul (what do "they" mean by that...? How is a soul measured in years...?) who fits the profile and wants to share the experience with me of modeling the fact that "love is ageless"... So, if that's you, then... Let's give 'em something to talk about.

However, if we do have a connection in significantly more ways than one, and if you happened to have been born outside either end of my defined age criteria, the burden of proof will be on YOU to convince ME that WE are right for each other and that there won't be any mid-life crisis later on to challenge our relationship.

In the event that it DOES become WE, US and OUR, your diet can be negotiated to include as much junk and processed foods as you like, that will turn your biological age to 58, while I'm in the process of reversing mine to 35. Deal...?

Let's first get past the free "hello"...

Describe the type of person you'd like to meet:

Like-minded... Uh-oh... I guess that would mean you'd have to KNOW THYSELF and thine own mind really well before you can know mine.

Okay, let's quit the guessing games and skip to the objective... He'd have at least 22 out of the 26 "C" descriptors above... AND if I could throw in just one of the remaining 25 letters, "D" would be it:

Desirable, Dedicated, Devoted, Dear, Decisive, Determined, Daring, Different, Disciplined, Down-to-Earth Dapper, Durable, Dancer, Dreamer, Dream-maker, Dream-catcher and Destined (for me).

Share something unusual or extra special about yourself:

I love to find clues and messages in names and numbers. I work on anagrams like some people work on crossword puzzles.

On one anagram site, I am credited as the discoverer of 26 anagrams that have the WOW factor (anagrams that relate to the original subject)


An anagram for my Italian surname is GO AND SEE... and SEEN A GOD... or A GOD SEEN... But WAIT... there's MORE...

So, if we get past the free "Hello" and you give me your name, don't be creeped out if I tell you that I've anagrammed it to find out things about you that you may be hiding from me... jk... lol... or maybe not.

What does being *conscious* mean to you?

CONSCIOUS is being AWAKE and AWARE of my own immortality and of being ALIVE, living in the NOW while reminiscent of the PAST and realizing the power I possess for dreaming up the FUTURE in technicolor.

It's not about revisiting the past, but being AWARE of how the PAST shadows my PRESENT and reminds me that being in the KNOW is to live in the NOW.

How long and what motivated you to be on a conscious path?

In short, in 1995 I went on a truth-seeking quest to know if reincarnation is true. It was in response to what my youngest of my four at the time had told me. He was about 9 then (now 29)...

I was putting him to bed, and he had a far-away, reminiscent look in his eyes... "Mommy, before I came here, I was an old man," he said very matter-of-fact... and continued, "I was your father..."

Well, my life now sat on the verge of a major paradigm shift... as if someone had announced, "Let the games begin..." The synchronicity, the discoveries, the anomalies to follow just turned my already not-so-average life into a sci-fi reality show...!

On June 12, 1995 I "woke up" to my most recent past incarnation (unaware that it had been the day of her... my birthday -- in 1929).

For now, believe it or not, this is the highly condensed version of a true story waiting to escape the pages of my 27 or so journals from 1995 on...

And the story is still unfolding, as someone "out there" may be developing his own character before being introduced into the storyline.

Name That Fear... What Are You Afraid Of...?

Hmmm... well, since I am the creator of that custom essay question, I guess I'll go first... What am I afraid of...?

I'm afraid of dying before having a chance to face all of my fears... Just realized how oxymoronic that came out..

Did I just open the door to some paradoxical universe where I have to jump in and play Jumanji with Robin Williams before realizing that this life is just a game...? Some games are meant to be played seriously without taking yourself too serious... But I suppose I am afraid of being afraid.

I'd name my other fears, but not here... I'm too afraid of being THAT vulnerable right now... Maybe later... if I don't get hit by that proverbial bus... while facing my other fears...

My Ideal Relationship: Fast Forward and NOT So Fast

So... long after the free "Hello" AND the 30-day trial period AND the 90-day probation, we go on to becoming BFFs (that one is subject to your interpretation of BFF), as we look forward to checking our inboxes every evening, just to hear that enticing ringtone... "You've Got Mail" (if we haven't yet brought our tech devices up to speed from the '90s, that is).

And by "up to speed" I do mean some form of communication that could be a little more expedited, like a plan with unlimited text and phone calls... OR... regardless of distance, what could be virtually more REAL time than a Facetime, Google Hangout or Skype date...?

UPDATED VERSION: If you've already gotten my Facebook add, my phone number, or my Skype name long before the 30-day trial is up, it's more likely because we have more to talk about other than idle chit-chat... and we can speak more wpm than we type).

NOTE: If this is your first time reading my answer to this essay question, then check in with me if interested in reading the first version, now published on Huff Post...

"Going to Pick Some Greens: An Online Dating Profile," by ______ ________.
THIS version will somehow be tweaked into its sequel.

Hey, I'm a writer... What can I say...? So, IDEALLY in this relationship, you're a Reader-Writer, and I'm a Writer-Reader, in which case, you may be asked to review and critique some of my pieces before I submit... However, that is where I put up the barbed-wire fence and No Trespassing signs... Regarding edits and critiques...

In my version of an IDEAL relationship, you do NOT get to edit ME... No comments like, "If only you colored your hair, you'd look 25 years younger..." If you wanted a 33-year-old, then go back to Home Page and change your targeted age search.

It's not what you say, but HOW you say it... If you meant to compliment my youthfulness, then say, "You have the skin and body of a 30-year-old woman." See how easy that is...? So, maybe I'll be the one editing YOUR lines.

OR, "Hey Baby, I really dig long, polished nails on a woman..." Okay, then you won't get any deep tissue massages from me... Now go down to "Nails-R-Us" and see how fast your pick-up lines work there and how their claws feel on your back.

Why would you be looking for an Environmentally-Conscious woman in the first place...? If you actually enjoy the smell of hair dyes and acetone, you're on the wrong dating site.

And why would I even bring this up, pray tell...? Well, once-upon-a-time, in a not-so-distant past, there was a guy who tried to play "fashion police" with me. I told him that's what my three daughters are for... But they're more like "consultants"... Besides, I can't be totally tasteless if I have my 18-year-old Fashion Diva going into my closet to borrow my clothes and shoes.

So, now that I got that off my chest... speaking of which... Never mind...

Hey, this is a spiritually-based dating site, is it not...? Hmmm, I'm perceptive enough to see that many people seem to hide behind "spiritually" scripted lines that reveal less of who they really are and more of who they are not... or is it the other way around... no matter... you know what I mean.

After all, we are ALL spiritual beings having a HU-man experience... Is there really a need to stick labels on ourselves like name tags at a conference...? I hate those things, anyway.. because the sticky part never sticks... They always fall off and... my name does't define me... That's like putting a label on a flower that says, "Rose."

I'd rather NOT wear a label and have others be drawn into appreciating my fragrance (essence) and want to "pick me" or be drawn into interfacing with someone who's NOT wearing a label, whose light seems to be turned on all the time... by just being themselves, genuine, authentic, and real... Now, that's a REAL turn on...!

Cheers to Juicing It Up...!
Joanne of Frank