Why All Mommies Are Beautiful

We have always had mixed emotions about plastic surgery. And we're not judging, because it's none of our freaking business what anyone does to their face or their body. Our only concern regarding the hundreds of thousands of women who go under the knife each year is for their children and children in general. We think that plastic surgery sends a very strong message to little girls and little boys. Girls now grow up listening to radio commercials pushing tummy tucks and boob jobs to "get your best bikini body," and reading ads in the back of nearly every woman's magazine for different ways to surgically enhance their appearance. These girls are being taught from a young age that they are not good enough the way nature made them, and that their appearance is something that must constantly be perfected. It's no wonder that most of us grow into women who, on some days, feel insecure about our appearance and our bodies. It doesn't help that everywhere we turn, we are faced with a new way to fix ourselves.

The message plastic surgery sends boys is for them to grow up with an even more unrealistic, idealized view of what a woman "should" look like: skinny with big boobs, a flat stomach, a perky butt and a tan, flawless face. And what are these boys and girls supposed to think when their mother comes home from the hospital not with a little brother, but swollen and miserable with bruises and bandages? What about when the bandages come off and their formerly "normal" mother now looks like their Barbie doll? How are children supposed to understand this?

Well, we're not the first to wonder. A plastic surgeon thought the same thing and decided to write a children's book called My Beautiful Mommy, which helps mothers explain to their children how plastic surgery isn't a bad thing--it just helps make "mommy beautiful."

We're not sure how to feel about this book. Granted, we don't have children yet and haven't had plastic surgery, but there must be a better way to explain to children why mommy's face is suddenly super tight and she now has giant D cups. We don't think the best explanation is that it's because mommy wasn't beautiful before, but she is now. Children think their mothers are beautiful no matter what. Their mother is the first person on the planet that they fall in love with, and will forever be their idea of beauty.

Sure, the book has some clever wording to explain what the hell is going on with mommy and why she now looks like a totally different person. But our biggest problem with the concept of the book is this: what if mommy is a flat-chested woman with a crooked nose, but she gets herself fixed and tells her daughter that she's doing it so that she can be beautiful, and then the daughter grows up to be a flat-chested woman with a crooked nose? What is she supposed to think about herself? How will this girl ever believe that the features God gave her are beautiful enough when her beautiful mommy paid $50,000 to change them?

You all love to give your opinions, and we don't usually invite them, but we want to know: what do you think about My Beautiful Mommy? Is this simply a useful tool for mothers who want to explain plastic surgery to their children, or is this an evil doctor who is trying to capitalize even more on women's insecurities and is perpetuating the same insecurities in the next generation as a result?

Comments

[mijumom]

I wonder how mother's explain literally risking their lives to look more "beautiful". As a mother, this is the aspect that stops me in my tracks when I even consider a boob lift or other procedure. How can I explain to my children that I am deliberately having myself sedated and cut open? How can I rationalize signing that paper that acknowledges the reality that I could die during the procedure? Things happen and we cant control everything but I wont knowingly put myself through a surgery that could harm me or my ability to care for my kids. The children see the bruises and the bandages and the pain and beauty gets promoted to the number one priority. If I were in an accident and had to have surgery, my family would feel devastated and unlucky and just hope I survived surgery, I just couldn't put them through that just because I'm feeling insecure. Of course, other people have a right to make their own decisions but to me, the book sounds truly disgusting.

[Jonahson]

It is certainly not to look beautiful for your child if you do plastics. Your child will accept the way you are, you will always look beautiful to them(as your title implies) because it is not your looks that your child is connected to you but your motherly love and care.
Unless you are divorced, don't your husband get turned off by those platics? After all he married you when you had all those physical defects? Just curious.

[joebiz]

Tell kids the truth. Not just that the "mommy is more beautiful,"

Tell them that the "over-compensating" surgery is required to:
turn back the clock;
lose weight;
firm and tone;
get rid of real or imagined psychological, ergo physical issues;
to fix genetic problems;
to raise self esteem;
to feel young again;
to attract more mates;
to look better naked or with clothes on;
to compete against younger, maybe less physically "flawed" people;
to avoid working on one's personality or character;
to help the medical doctor with the down payment on a Porsche 911 Turbo
Or, just to help their cosmetic surgeon into a higher tax bracket.

[InformedSources]

>>The message plastic surgery sends boys is for them to grow up with an
>>even more unrealistic, idealized view of what a woman "should" look like:
>>skinny with big boobs, a flat stomach, a perky butt and a tan, flawless face.

I'm confused. Isn't this the very same message that is promoted by one of the
authors' web site? What I see there is someone who depends on "skinny with
big boobs, a flat stomach, a perky butt and a tan, flawless face" for their livelihood.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you are a world-class actress, too. But without those
physical attributes, you might as well go back to Peoria.

So how do you reconcile the implied social commentary here with your own actions?
When you trade on your well-formed face and physique on the internet and in the movies,
you can't really criticize others for wanting a well-formed face and physique, too, whatever
the cost to themselves or their children. Are you not an active participant in the distorted
culture that is driving these women to plastic surgery?

I'm just saying.

[loril]

I guess things can't be as bad as I think they are if so many people can still drop $50,000 on cosmetic surgery. But I suppose this is more common in circles far above my own in the economic strata.

I don't think the subject lends itself easily to a children's book. It is hard to spin. "Well, mommy used the vacation fund for the next decade to make herself look more like Cindy McCain because she is going through midlife and feels like crap about herself." Or, "Sorry, Johnny...you'll have to come up with your own tuition. Mommy tapped out the savings account for her new face a few years ago."

And, for the wealthy: "Sweetie...when you are 16 you can get a new face just like mommy!"

I'm actually on the brink of going through this phase. I am in my early 40s and I had a baby a few years ago. I am not a size 6 anymore and my stomach is certainly not washboard flat. I am not overweight, but my bone structure is not what it once was. And I miss my younger face and body...some days a lot.

But, my solution will have to be to focus on all the good that is still left, to take the best care of myself naturally and to try to maintain a positive outlook. Pricey plastic surgery is completely off the table for me...and I feel just fine about that.

[Vurz]

"Is this simply a useful tool for mothers who want to explain plastic surgery to their children, or is this an evil doctor who is trying to capitalize even more on women's insecurities and is perpetuating the same insecurities in the next generation as a result?"

Yes and No to everything said here. It's a useful tool for women trying to explain the surgery, and he might have written it to be helpful, BUT...

The title he chose just capitalizes on insecurities and perpetuates them into the next generation.

I have never been attracted to a woman who has had plastic surgery. This is a good thing though, since I look nothing like the guys that women think are "hot".

[berensma]

Not weighing in with an opinion one way or the other, but it's important to keep in mind that a lot of women who are in the age range of this piece (ie, with kids they can talk to about things like this) are likely to be getting treatments that "turn back the clock" to provide them with characteristics (like stomachs) that they used to have had. I think most of the major breast enhancement and nose jobs would have come at an earlier age (I think).

[derrick99]

I think the "what will the kids think" excuse is a way of concealing your dissaproval of women who use cosmetic surgery. I would like to see a post from a woman who HAD surgery and learn about what she told her kids. I am ambivalent about plasic surgery - I THINK it suggest deeper insecurities, but then again, child bearing is pretty tough on mommies' bodies, and if they can afford to undo some of that damage, who are we to question it. I doubt the kids will be that confused. They have enough to worry about.

[RobinSeattle]

So are all dads handsome?

Don't forget the other side of the procreation equation.

[Topfeeder]

I say if you have the money and the desire to improve your appearance, do it. We dye our hair, buy nice clothes, wax our hair, whiten our teeth and wear cosmetics all in the name of vanity. What difference does a nip or tuck here or there really make?

[mijumom]

We are discussing life threatening procedures for which you have to sign a paper acknowledging that you might die in the process. How can that risk be worth it? And how can you compare surgery to dying hair and buying clothes???

[kkksss]

We are raising two daughters in L.A. When the older one started middle school, suddenly, classmates started showing up emaciated, bragging about throwing up, and missing school for months at a time because they were in the hospital. Something is really wrong. Better to have called the book "My Confused Mommy."

[MissAngela]

I'm usually in the "Do What You Want With Your Body" camp - but I am against cosmetic surgery. Not just for the image of the human body it is distorting, or how many insecurities it can breed, but also, it's just plain wasteful. Thousands of dollars on something superficial when their are millions who need a life-saving medical treatment - but can afford one. People are starving, dying in civil and imperial wars - our own ship called America is sinking and there are people paying thousands to suck fat out of their bums!

[Naithom]

Think how lucky I am: I can use that $50,000 on my son's education and he thinks that me being what used to be called "pleasingly plump" makes me a beautiful mommy because, as he puts it, I make a great mommy pillow.

[NicholeWebb]

Sad and sick.... that is what I think. Leave plastic surgery for when you are mashed in a terrible car accident, or are so old your children are grown and have already figured out you are a nut case.