Note: Do not read on if you have not yet seen Episode 12 of FX's "American Horror Story: Asylum," titled "Continuum"
"Continuum" had me intrigued for about 10 minutes, and then Kit interrupted a "Real Housewives"-esque fight between Alma and Grace with "What's goin' on? ... Let's have a family meeting." Going into the episode, I had already known it was going to be split up between the different storylines and I was completely for that. But the way it was written threw off the pacing of the episode and it just ended up a pretty big let down.
Kit, Alma, and Grace
As you know, Kit and Grace are my least favorite people on the show. But now that Alma was back, I was pretty fascinated by their plot. Maybe I'm still holding on to feelings from "Big Love," but I thoroughly enjoyed their polygamy-turned-murder drama. More than a year has passed since the last episode, and the three lovebirds are living happily together. Except Grace is all, "We need to remember the aliens so that our kids know where they came from!" and Alma is like, "I'm traumatized!" And so Alma kills Grace because talking it out didn't quite do the trick. So maybe this death will stick. We can only hope.
Sister Jude/Betty Drake
Fast-forward another year and we find Jude still held up at Briarcliff. She appears to be the sanest we've seen her all season, becoming biffles with Pepper and reigning as Queen Bee of the mental patients. The Monsignor enters and Jude's lovable sass makes an appearance after being hidden under loads of paranoia and shock therapy. After faking her death, the Monsignor renames her Betty Drake, which is really close to Betty Draper, so I was OK with the name change.
But just when Jude gets comfortable, in walks the Angel of Death, but instead of donning a veil and large black wings, she's wearing a patient gown and grandma cardigan, accompanied by an entourage made up of two ladies who could easily beat me up and a Bronx accent that could have easily been mistaken for Penny Marshall's. Jude immediately freaks out because usually Frances Conroy can only mean one thing, and Jude isn't ready for that. On top of having the Angel at Briarcliff, Jude has to room with her too (and be bottom bunk. Talk about roughing it). But once Jude envisions the actual Angel going in for that Dementor kiss, she attacks. When the guards pull her off, she comes to her senses and realizes that it was never Frances Conroy. So she's immediately straitjacketed and meets with Dr. Crump, the new head of Briarcliff. She informs Jude that she hasn't gotten along with any of her past five roommates and also that the Monsignor left two and a half years ago. So, Jude's like wooooooooooah and goes back to being relatively insane.
Lana
Another year passes and Lana Winters is at a book signing for "Maniac: One Woman's Story of Survival" in a bookstore that I assume is Women and Women First ("Portlandia," anyone?...Anyone?). Lana is looking very Jackie O and sporting an awesome blue coat/jacket/thing (I deliberated with my boyfriend over what exactly that is, but we couldn't figure it out). She begins reading a segment from her book and it soon becomes clear that she's taken some artistic liberties over the recollections of the events that took place in Thredson's basement. Her subconscious bubbles over and she envisions Thredson and Wendy interjecting, proclaiming that what she was reading never actually happened, and Wendy's character was degraded to a woman "covered in a cloak of asexuality." It becomes clear that Lana is milking her experience for every last penny and every last ounce of fame.
During the signing, Kit shows up and the two grab a cup of coffee and catch up. She mentions that her next book will be about Leigh Emerson's post-Briarcliff murderous rampage, entitled "Santa and the Seven Nuns" (no, Lana, it's not too campy. It's great. You're great. I love you). Kit freaks and says how she needs to write about Briarcliff and figuratively burn it to the ground. He tells her that Jude is still alive and then nothing else happens for the rest of the episode except Dylan McDermott talks to a bookseller and says that he's going to kill Lana. The end.
Stray Observations:
I won't believe that Pepper is actually dead. I just won't.
After killing Grace, Alma packs up and moves into Briarcliff where she ends up dying because "her heart just stopped." Sounds fishy to me, nurse.
I wasn't sure whether to laugh at Frances' performance or praise her for it. Either way, she shanks a guy so it's all good.
What needs to happen yet is: Jude's escape from Briarcliff, the downfall of the asylum, Dylan McDermott's attempt to kill Old Lady Lana, and that's it? My hopes aren't set too high for the finale, but I hope I'm proven wrong.
Monsignor: "Please, Jude, don't be childish."
Jude: "Childish? Hell, I'm the queen of Candyland."
"American Horror Story: Asylum" airs Wednesdays, 10 p.m. EST on FX.
