Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 1, Episode 21 of FOX's "New Girl," titled, "Kids."
After viewing even one episode of New Girl, one can attest that these are, arguably, some of the most immature thirtysomethings on television. On the surface, "Kids" revolves around Jess having Russell's daughter, Sarah, over to hang out and Cece dealing with a pregnancy scare. Nothing revolutionary. But this episode goes to show that these adults are really just kids themselves.
The half-hour opens on Jess sitting with Cece as she worries about missing her period. Cece and Schmidt have been using contraception, but as we could probably guess, Schmidt goes full throttle in the sack and therefore, "birth control becomes, like, one of those plastic barbecue covers in a hurricane." The imagery!
Luckily, this marked the first appearance of Jeanne Tripplehorn (Big Love, Grey Gardens) as Russell's ex/Sarah's mom, Ouli! I am ecstatic to have this woman back on my TV screen again. Her screen time was short, but I'll take what I can get.
She drops off Sarah at the apartment and the chaos quickly ensues. Now, I'm not one for kids in comedies, but I laughed a surprising amount at the crazy things that were coming out of this girl's mouth ("Have you ... done a 99?", "How do you make love to a person animal-style?"). Soon, Sarah is professing to Jess that she is madly in love with Nick ("That Nick?"), and she delivers the line that got the biggest laugh out of me: "I wanna rub my face ... on his face!"
Speaking of Nick, he's been newly dating this girl who is mature and likes art. Right then, you can tell there's something wrong with her as Nick never picks a normal girl. While on his date, Nick receives a phone call from Schmidt after Cece asked him to take some other girl on a date to, of course, Italy on Ice. Schmidt pretends that Nick is Nic...ole, and the best dialogue is exchanged between the two.
Schmidt's ignorance to the pregnancy is ended rather quickly after Cece freaks out and reveals the secret. Schmidt's reaction was absolutely priceless, putting his head to her stomach and saying, "We made a caramel miracle!" And then the episode loses track.
Okay, maybe not "loses" it, but it didn't go anywhere until the last minute. The predictability factor was at an all-time high when Nick's date is revealed to be only 18. Typical Nick. Also, I feel like every relationship that Nick or Jess gets into ... no one can really get behind, because we all know that they are destined to be together. Sorry, Dermont Mulroney, but this is not going to last.
And naturally, by the end of the episode, Cece gets her period. New Girl doesn't need any kids, like, ever anyways. Babies ruin shows (except maybe Up All Night), even though a Schmidt baby would have incredible bone structure and breakdancing skills. But even though a baby isn't in the cards just yet, is marriage on the way for Cece and Schmidt? He had "MARRY ME" sky-written for her, but chose to shoo Cece off before she could see it. Maybe season two. Or four. I don't know; I don't really like TV marriages either.
Over in C-plot land, Winston has to drive his crazed boss to be on a TV show because he has too many DUIs to drive himself. I wasn't too thrilled about this, considering it had really nothing to do with anything. I like Winston. I really do, but I'm not a fan of his storyline in this episode. I didn't find any of it particularly funny. He's great in a group dynamic, as is basically every one of the characters. Let's just stick to keeping him in that dynamic.
Jeanne Tripplehorn's Ouli makes two appearances over the final three episodes of the season, so I can only expect things get crazier from here.
Best Quips of "Kids"
"Everything you say sounds really creepy when you're not wearing pants." - Jess to Nick
Schmidt's pronunciation of "popcorn" in Italian
Schmidt: You takin' care of that tushy -- takin' care of that tushy for me?
Nick: I'm not doing, like, squats or anything. I'm trying to eat less doughnuts.
"Your life's like Gossip Girl, but everyone is old and poor." - Sarah
"I just -- I just don't want to impregnate the baby, you know? I mean, we could have a Russian nesting doll situation on our hands." - Schmidt
Schmidt's Jewish baby boy names
"I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia, because you make children cry!" - Jess
Jess: "Bye, Ouli! You rule-y!"
Ouli: "Bye, Jess! You're a mess!"
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New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. ET on FOX.
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