Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 5, Episode 12 of HBO's "True Blood," titled, "Save Yourself."
Did this even feel like a season finale to anyone else? It felt more like a penultimate episode or a half-season finale, maybe. But I see that they're setting up for a hopefully mind-blowing (and probably final) season next year, and that means they left most doors open.
First off, Russell was staked by Eric a minute into the episode. Not only was this a downer because of the ultimate loss of Russell Edgington, but also because it wasn't climatic at all. He's the only Big Bad to last multiple seasons, and to get rid of him that quickly was kind of a letdown. Oh, well, it was fun, Russell.
Eric and Nora take Sookie and Jason, swing by Fangtasia where they get Tara, and drive over to Authority HQ, where they plan to completely wipe out mostly everyone and attempt to get Bill to join the light side. Pretty fool-proof, and it actually went swimmingly for a while. Eric and Nora disarmed and unlocked the jail cells, so Pam and Jess were released. The cell doors were made of silver, and instead of having Sookie open Pam's door, Tara goes right ahead and burns herself...and then goes in for a full make-out session with Pam. Agape Mouth Moment Number One. I was so oblivious to anything romantic between these two before Jessica brought it up during the last episode and I'm not sure how I feel about it. For me, this is like a mother-daughter relationship and now it's all romantic and it just feels weird to me.
Meanwhile, Sam was taken to Bill as lunch and after Bill threatens him by saying that he knows too much, Sam shifts into a fly and flies into the vents. He gets to Luna and they come up with a plan. Meanwhile, Rosalyn forces Steve Newlin to go on the air and explain himself regarding the video evidence showing him and Russell entering a frat house where 22 frat boys were drained. While speaking, he shows signs of vomiting and throws up blood before it's revealed that it was actually Luna, who manages to break in a "vampires are keeping humans here to feed off of!" warning before passing out. Chances of surviving this shift are looking slim to none, but we'll have to wait until next season to find out. And while Sam was still in fly form, he flies into Rosalyn's mouth and shifts back into a human! While inside her! Agape Mouth Moment Number Two. If I would have to guess who'd be responsible for the wildest kill, Sam would not have even crossed my mind, yet here he is.
While Nora, Pam, Tara, Jessica and Jason head upstairs, Eric and Sookie go and find Bill. Earlier, Bill had tricked Salome into believing that Lilith had appeared to him and told him that she had chosen Salome to lead the revolution or Rapture or whatever. She later takes the vile of Lilith's blood and drinks it, only to discover that not only was it not Lilith's blood, but it was also tainted with large amounts of silver. She falls to the floor, and Bill stakes her. Bill has seriously gone off the edge, and that's not something I'm for whatsoever and haven't been this entire season. So after he gives his little speech about how he was probably playing Sookie and the others the entire time, he drinks Lilith's blood and explodes. Agape Mouth Moment Number Three. I looked at my screen with the biggest "Wait ... What?" face. Bill's dead? Seriously? But surprise, he rises from his blood puddle a la Lilith during the group blood trip earlier this season, and the episode ends.
I have to say that despite its low (And I mean looooow) points, this season wasn't terrible. It could have been better, of course, but it became really interesting and intriguing towards the end. Now we have about nine months to ponder what's going to happen next season (for those of us who haven't read the books). I'm thinking that the show could go one of two ways. They could completely jump the shark even more than they have already and burn the show to the ground, or they could keep the final (still speculative) season simple and have a great and satisfying sendoff. I'm praying for the latter, but I won't hold my breath.
As the episode's comic relief, Maurella delivers four (!) of Andy's babies with the help of Holly. Awkward situation is awkward, even now that she left Andy with them. TV babies/pregnancies are on par with TV weddings in terms of cliched awfulness, so I can't say I'm super excited for babies on this show, but just picturing Andy trying to take care of four babies is enough.
I was this close to submitting this recap without one mention of Alcide's story, which I completely forgot about. Short story even shorter: after J.D. forces his pack to drink V, Alcide kills him and becomes packmaster. And Rikki almost overdoes and dies, but I don't think anyone really cared.
After suffering what appears to be a concussion, Jason is seeing his parents, who are telling him to go ahead and kill some vamps. Vampire Hunter Jason is the WORST. Just ... ew. But I suppose now that Hoyt and Terry have been out of the picture, there needs to be a sucky character, but I didn't think Jason would turn out to be it. Jessica Hamby says she loves you and you say, "I can't ever love a vampire"?? You are insane, Jason Stackhouse!
Related: In the "extra" scene after the credits, when Jason looked back at Jess, I could have swore he was going to try to kill her/them in that moment.
Also related: After mentioning Warlow to nobody in particular, Jason finds out that Nora knows who Warlow is, and then the episode really ends.
Seriously, what the hell is going on with Bill? Is that even Bill? Is it Lilith in Bill form? Why didn't he just stay dead? Key questions!
Tara: "You better not go and get yourself killed, ya hear? 'Cause you and I got a date. It's been a long time comin'."
Pam: "If that's not an impetus to survive, I don't know what is."