Expert Civilian Rick Santorum Theorizes About Combat Conditions

In response to a question from CNN's John Hill regarding the Pentagon's proposal to expand the combat role of American servicewomen, former Pennsylvania Senator and current GOP Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum displayed his formidable powers of speculation by imagining several militarily-deleterious scenarios that he felt one could posit are conceivably not incapable of taking place in a notional mixed-gender unit operating under hypothetical front-line combat conditions.

Santorum, who has a lifetime of not serving in the armed forces of the United States under his belt, brought the full weight of his complete lack of expertise to bear on the subject by deftly envisaging the cinematic implausibility of men and women serving together under enemy fire without instantly falling in love with one another to the tactical detriment of their presumably similarly-smitten comrades in arms.

He also postulated in the abstract that the plan could further undermine the esprit de corps of any combat unit with one or more closeted gay members because, on paper at least, they would inevitably form close, sisterly friendships with the women who in turn might, in theory, encourage them to stop living a lie.