Global Summit to Investigate Why Forty Minutes of Power Represents Absolute Limit of Cordless Vacuum Technology in 2016

Scientists and engineers from around the world will converge on Geneva next week to address one of the biggest mysteries of the tech age: why a simple, battery related performance limitation has gone largely unaddressed for decades, despite the dramatic and lightening fast improvements in all other rechargeable-battery-dependent technologies.

Dr. Uwe Hefeweizen, who is attending the summit, described the cordless vacuum industry's lack of progress as "scandalous" and vowed to find answers. "Black and Decker's 'DustBuster' first appeared on the market all the way back in 1979," observed Dr. Hefeweizen. "For consumers willing to plug the device into a wall socket for a week beforehand, it provided three minutes of cordless suction. Yet thirty-seven years later, the state of the art in rechargeable cordless vacuum science delivers a paltry forty minutes of power. I mean, we're not asking them to confirm the existence of the Higgs boson here."

When asked about the leaden pace of relevant research and development, one cordless vacuum industry insider snapped, "Oh, so you think you can do better than adding one minute of power per year, do you? I'd like to see you try!"