Don’t ask why I was on the Parents Television Council’s website. And please don’t ask why I needed to click the link to their Sex and The City campaign. Just know that I did. And now I've got culture war shrapnel embedded in my backside.
Hear my tale of woe...
The Parents Television Council is one of Brent Bozell’s outfits immersed in the losing battle to eradicate “smut” from network TV. They lean on advertisers, issue predictable statements to the media and are at once perpetually disgruntled and profoundly humorless.
Programs they’re not happy with include MTV (all of it), FX’s The Shield, and everyone’s favorite HBO series about the adventures of gay men in women’s bodies. (The PTC does, however, award props to such innovative programs as the Happy Days 30th Anniversary Reunion.)
The PTC betrays its moral outrage in a unique way, namely through its lovingly rendered accounts of all that's objectionable in Carrie Bradshaw’s kaffeeklatsch. Witness the extent they'll go to ensure that no "objectionable" moment is left behind.
Remember, this is their transcription not mine:
"Samantha is with Jerry. He is laying on her bed in nothing but underpants. She comes to the bed in a maid costume with whipped cream in a can on a tray and tells him she is there to serve him. Then she puts whipped Cream on his chest.
Samantha: "When you're a waiter, you must always be aware that the customer comes first. It's a hard, hard, job."
Then she lifts the waistband of his underpants and squirts some of the whipped cream inside."
It gets better:
"Harry walks through the house naked, singing and his bare buttocks are visible twice. Charlotte follows him and is shocked to see him sitting on her white furniture, nude. Then there are other clips of him nude walking around the house without clothes on. He is shown sitting nude at the computer, buttocks partially visible, and leaning against the counter nude, with the side of his buttocks visible."
Is it just me or does someone have a l’il fetish for the word “buttocks?”
Not a bad choice though I’m partial to “fondle.”
Anyway, such stenography doesn't cut it at the PTC. I mean, can you really trust a bunch of text? Never fear, the site includes Media Player clips of the show in question. You want moral outrage? Download it!
To me the whole exercise is frightfully reminiscent of the dirty old priest clichés. You know, the padres who are only interested in a certain genre of confession.
“Have you any impure thoughts my child? …Really? You should be ashamed! And what happened next?”
While culture warriors will continue to fight for the right not to party, the PTC has too much whipped cream on its hands to let this slide.
If you’re going to prance about on your moral high horse, know that it’s bad form to grind yourself off in the saddle.