Obama Fathers Two-Headed Gay Terrorist Baby: The National Enquirer-ization of American Politics

As campaign politics in America lurches, zombie-like, deeper and deeper into the muck, with Hillary Clinton desperately flogging the Reverend Wright "scandal" in all its idiotic glory, it's time to study the true masters of smear-ology -- the supermarket tabloids. Here, in the sick, teeming id of America, tales of lust, drunkeness, treason and murder are laid out weekly for the delectation of short-attention-span shoppers, without the boring pro-forma pretense of actual policy debate; and here we can view, uncensored, the understory of modern American politics.

And it's beginning to seem that these fish-wrapper newspapers are eerie predictors of the narratives we can expect to see in the so-called mainstream media.

Throughout the Clinton administration, of course, these rags ran wild with lurid stuff that made the Monica Lewinsky story read like Marie Osmond's autobiography -- Hillary's supposed "Lesbian Trysts!!!" (multiple exclamation-points being, in the tabloids as well as in Huffington Post comments, a sure index of low mental wattage), and conspiracy tales about Vince Foster's murder, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Both Clintons were basically portrayed as full-time serial killers who stopped their Bonnie-and-Clyde antics only long enough to grab loose change from the streets before seeking out new flesh to slake their carnal appetites. Once Bush was installed as president, the stories became noticeably less electric, focusing as they did on the not-real-exciting question of whether or not he was back on the sauce, although an occasional Mile-High Club fling with Condie Rice on Air Force One was hinted at here and there.

More recently, though, the National Enquirer in particular -- which has grown steadily less readable, and credible, since it stopped running stories about 1,000-year-old aliens drinking the blood of Midwestern cattle -- has zeroed in on two candidates in particular, and it's fascinating to see who they are:

John Edwards and Barack Obama.

While Edwards was still a feasible candidate, the Enquirer fought hard to create a scandal over some supposed romantic liason with an attractive (female) staffer, a story made slightly more appealing for them since it came in the wake of his wife's tragic illness.

And just two weeks ago, while a less-respected tabloid (you thought there couldn't BE a less-respected tabloid?) called The Globe was trumpeting some kind of Hillary gal-pal love-crisis (Bill Says: Cut It Out!), the Enquirer launched an attack on Barack Obama that was a textbook study in smear-ific journalism.

OBAMA'S SECRETS!
CLOSE FRIENDSHIP WITH TERRORIST! SCREAMING MATCHES WITH WIFE OVER OTHER WOMEN! MADE FORTUNE WITH ACCUSED FELON!

Lest you be tempted to seek out this issue in some local 7-11 Dumpster, don't bother -- it was a classic bait-and-switch job. Hard as they tried to hit the "terrorist" thing -- running the infamous "Bedouin-garb photo" right beside it -- the story only said that Obama knows William Ayers, a non-Arab, former SDS radical. The accused felon, of course, was Tony Rezko. And the "other women" don't exist, despite the headline; they couldn't dredge up an actual affair, so they said only that Michelle gets frustrated when Barack spends too much time talking to women on the campaign trail. Whoa!!!

But the funniest--and most sinister--passage is worth quoting in full:

"The New York Post even reported that some internet 'posts' even claim that Obama is an Iranian agent sent to take over the U.S. Government and wage war against Sunni Muslims."

Interesting sourcing there. "The New York Post even" (note the grammatical hyper-drama there: EVEN!) "reported" (no, it's not actually "reporting," but...oh, forget it) "that Obama is..." blah-blah-blah. Of course, any Huffington Post reader can reliably report that "some posts" even!!! claim!!! a lot of things that don't connect to any known version of reality.

What's truly strange is that, considering how little juice the cover-headlines ultimately delivered, the Enquirer story buried its lead: this gay-choir-master murder scandal in Chicago, which is too byzantine for me to follow, but which gave them a chance to say there are "rumors" about "Obama's sexuality" -- which in turn feeds into the whole Larry Sinclair thing. Now, Larry Sinclair -- for those of you who shop in upscale markets and have been fortunate enough not to be exposed to him yet -- is a junkie career criminal who claims to have gotten high and had sex with Obama, and though he's obviously completely demented and has actually failed a lie-detector test, his story has incredible traction among that section of our citizenry that thinks the Swift Boat attackers were too liberal and principled.

Sick, absurd, revolting, hilarious -- it's all of that, and worse: it's what American voters are actually talking about. Millions of them will be choosing their candidate soon, not on questions like how to stop the horrific carnage in Iraq, or how to protect the children of America, but on fantasies about the sex-lives of the candidates and other insanely peripheral issues. And at a point when the Clinton campaign in particular has openly admitted to a take-no-prisoners, all's-fair-in-love-and-war, "kitchen sink" strategy, one has to wonder: how far is too far? How kitchen-sink is too kitchen-sink?

To be specific: I read today that "a key owner of the Enquirer is a prominent New York investment banker and one of Hillary Clinton's key backers, Roger Altman. Altman was an official in the first Clinton administration, and his name is often mentioned as a possible Clinton Treasury Secretary." If this is true, shouldn't Hillary publicly disavow the specious and hideous Obama piece right away? And if it's not, I'd like to be told: it would be a relief. And in this season of growing ugliness, we could all use some relief.

Because more and more it seems like today's Enquirer "story" will be tomorrow's political reality.

Comments

[lyingtruth]

The Enquirer has been factual and scientifically precise about my planet.

Goobelzit the 317th.

[Lizd27]

Larry Sinclair's story really has traction. Today he's blogging that he actually received phone calls from Donald Young shortly before he was murdered. Donald Young was the gay choir director from Obama's chruch who was found shot to death in his apartment on Dec. 23, 2007. If that is true, Larry Sinclair will have phone records to prove it. Obama is in more trouble than a two headed baby.

http://larrysinclair0926.wordpress.com/

[bauersox]

Where were you a couple of weeks ago when The Globe wrote about Obama and a gay sex scandal? Oh, right, you couldn't blame that one on Hillary.

For your information, the Enquirer never has run stories of "1,000-year-old aliens drinking the blood of Midwestern cattle" or cows with two heads -- as Bill Clinton put it when the Enquirer's sister publication, The Star, broke the story of Clinton's liaison with Gennifer Flowers. Those stories have been the province of Weekly World News.

For your further information, if the Enquirer has a bias, it is a pro-Republican bias, which is one of the reasons why its stories about the Bush family have been so tame. As for Roger Altman -- calling him "the owner" -- or even the "key owner" -- of the National Enquirer is as absurd as saying George Bush is the owner of the United States. Altman is the chairman of Evercore Partners, one of two holding companies that bought American Media about ten years ago. He is an investor, not an editor. The person in charge of running AMIs magazines is David Pecker.

[hugozhackenbush]

"The person in charge of running AMIs magazines is David Pecker."

I have trouble believing that anyone with that name could possibly think he had the right to make fun of *anyone*.

[normathumb]

So is that gay two headed terrorist baby a member of Opus Dei?

[unitron]

Actually it's The Onion that's pretty good at prediction, see their January 2001 article, "Our Long National Nightmare of Peace and Prosperity Is Finally Over".

Interesting that a key owner of The Enquirer is tied to the Dems, as it was one of the 2001 anthrax targets.

[GayGrandpa]

I am proud to be a gay dad and grandpa and I love my life but I sure hate these stupid headlines.

[chronic]

This dumbed down nation is in trouble!

[valleygent]

What remains absolutely true however is that Hillary Clinton is one big tabloid story that never goes away.

[longislandlol]

So ugly-- that McCain looks like a sainted knight in shining armor-- yes- we want a fighter in the casa blanca- but not an administration that fights and never ceases to be at peace....

[OtayPanky]

The GLOBE has had a long running (and hard hitting) expose of the unravelling of the Bush marriage. His drunkennness, his affair with Condi, her storming out of the White House, yadda yadda. It's been a staple item in that rag for YEARS.

So when's the last time you blogged about THAT, brother John?

These guys will write anything about anybody - as long as it will sell and they won't get sued. They're equal opportunity defamers.

I'd advise you not to get your progressive left tit in a twist over it - but I'd probably be wasting my time if I did.

[Kally]

Well now that would be news. Lets see the two headed baby. Is all this a smoke screen for some of the real and juicy stuff. People can stand up and throw crap at Cheslea Clinton but they don't dare ask obama a personal question. How about....."How do you feel knowing you are illegimate?" It will never happen the Hillary haters are the only ones who can slur and slam.

[RumiSouth]

Really? You think asking Obama about his parentage is a good line of attack? Go for it. Seriously, go ask him about this in front of some cameras. I can't wait to see him turn that one around on you. That's a guaranteed YouTube moment.

[marignymitch]

Junior and Condi? No way. Condi's girlfriend would kill him.

[noamjunior]

on another note- I heard that McCain and Betsy Ross were an item for a while

[definitelyNOTmisterRIGHT]

it's true! he liked younger women back then too!

[Democrab]

Don't buy them and they'll go away.

[OtayPanky]

I don't.

But they do help me pass the time while I'm waiting on line at the supermarket.

[indypete]

Me too but my fave went belly-up and vanished... The Weekly World News. The number of times that Elvis and JFK came back to life was almost as entertaining as how far they could stretch the Bat-Boy gag! I have no idea if the articles were well written or not but the front page was always a hoot. Too bad the Enquirer et al can't go the ame way. Oddly enough, I've never seen one in anybody's house or even in anybody's supetmarket basket... how do these rags stay in business?

[nazgul]

I read that someone connected to the Clinton campaign owns a lot of those tabloids...

[politicsnut]

The sad part is that today you don't need to go to tabloids to hear absurd information. Just watch CNN, Fox and some of MSNBC. They are the new tabloid media, reporting stuff that has no place and no relevance in a serious newscast. They are just as ridiculous as the National Enquirer.

[OtayPanky]

The baby is GAY?

That's not good.