On Wednesday, U2 lead singer Bono will read a poem on BBC radio that he penned for Elvis Presley. It's entitled "Elvis: American David," and while the network is playing it up as "unique" and "purposefully quintessential," the rest of the British press--which got a hold of a copy--is panning it. And that's putting it mildly.
Tim Dowling at the British newspaper The Guardian, wrote of the poem,
"[a] disregard for the traditional rules of capitalisation is maintained throughout. This may echo the unconventional orthography of ee cummings, or he may have composed it on his phone."
Christopher Hart, a particularly rankled reporter for The Mail Online, responded to the news with his own poem about Bono:
'Bono in your sunglasses, even when it rains, Bono in your private jet while the rest of us take trains, Bono with your tax affairs safely overseas, Bono, oh will you shut up, please.'
Even U2 ghost biographer Neil McCormick, an old friend of Bono's, wrote in The Telegraph,
" I am used to defending Bono. I have taken on all comers considering his talent...his ego...his charitable and political activism..and his music. But I must admit, his Elvis poem has had me stumped."
My favorite criticism came from a professor of modern English Literature whom the aforementioned Guardian asked to dissect Bono's poem. His comments quickly declined from the substantial to things like " I'm getting really fed up with this so-called poem," "Blah, blah, bloody blah," and "Beats the sh*t out of me what this could mean." Again, that's a professor.
The poem does, at times, read like a series of Chuck Norris facts--"elvis changed the centre of gravity," "elvis invented the beatles"--and it might remind you of private Bubba from Forrest Gump waxing poetic about shrimp. But does it deserve all the criticism its getting? I tried putting on my teacher's hat and finding some good in it. Here's what I came up with:
1) There are a few good lines.
2) It's better than Jewel.
Best I could do. Here's an excerpt so that you can judge for yourself.
elvis son of tupelo.
elvis the twin brother of Jesse who died at birth and was buried in a shoe box.
elvis was recorded at sun studios by the musical diviner sam phillips.
elvis was managed by colonel tom parker, an ex-carnie barker whose last act was a singing canary.
elvis was the most famous singer in the world since king david.
elvis lived on his own street.
elvis liked to play speed cop.
elvis had a monkey named scatter before anyone.
elvis wore a cape at the white house when he was presenting nixon with two silver pistols.
elvis was a member of the drug squad.
elvis wore eye make up, just hangin' out.
elvis wore a gold nudie suit and trained his lip to curl.
elvis was macho, but could sing like a girl.
You can read Bono's entire poem here (if you still want to).
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.