Mike Huckabee published a poem on his website last week and you can add his name to the growing list of famous people who should never share their poetry again. He'll slide in nicely just below Bono (shudder).
How bad is the Huckster's verse? I've read the poem a few times now, and I'm pretty sure he tried to set it to the theme song of The Beverly Hillbillies. You can sing the first few stanzas to the tune before the rhythm falls, rather horrifyingly, apart. Try it.
I say "horrifyingly" because the poem steadily devolves into lines stretching twenty-one, then twenty two syllables, climaxing with what might be the longest line in the history of English poetry, a twenty-three syllable behemoth that reads like a line from the Fox News pledge of allegiance (and you know they have one). Yes, this is supposed to be a line of poetry:
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe
And if anyone's an expert on integrity, it's an ordained Christian minister who plays politics with torture.
Speaking of torture, here's the poem in its entirety:
Fancy Nancy
Here's a story about a lady named Nancy
A ruthless politician, but dressed very fancy
Very ambitious, she got herself elected Speaker
But as for keeping secrets, she proved quite a "leaker."
She flies on government planes coast to coast
And doesn't mind that our economy is toast
She makes the Air Force squire her in their military jets
There's room for her family, her staff, and even her pets.
Until now, she annoyed us, but her gaffes were mostly funny;
Even though it was painful to watch her waste our tax money.
But now her wacky comments are no laughing matter;
She's either unwilling to tell the truth, or she's mad as a hatter!
She sat in briefings and knew about enhanced interrogation;
But claims she wasn't there, and can't give an explanation.
She disparages the CIA and says they are a bunch of liars;
Even the press aren't buying it and they're stoking their fires.
I think Speaker Pelosi has done too much speaking;
And instead of her trashing our intelligence officials, it's her nose that needs tweaking.
If forced to believe whether the CIA and her colleagues in Congress are lying;
Or it's Speaker Pelosi whose credibility and career is dying.
I believe in the integrity of the men and women who sacrifice to keep us safe;
Not the woman who has been caught flat-footed, lying to our face.
I say it here and I say it rather clear-
It's time for Nancy Pelosi to resign and get out of here.
To high heaven it stinks
as do the sounds from the Huckabee House Rock Band.
a poet as lame as Huckabee!
There once was a man named Huckabee
Who thought he could write poetry
His words hardly rhymed even part of the time
He is still just a poetic wannabee.
I agree that this was a joke on his part but . . .Eeesh . . .