The Pilgrims came to this country so they could practice religious freedom, and also so they could wear big hats made out of black construction paper. They invented Thanksgiving, which consists of sitting down and having a nice meal with people you can't stand the rest of the year. A transcript from the first Thanksgiving in 1621, featuring the Pilgrims and the Indians, has been handed down to us and is reprinted here by arrangement with Samuel French.
Captain John Smith: It is good of your people to eat with us.
Chief Littlefeather: There would have been more of us, but you shot them this morning.
Smith: Well, the important thing is that we come together in a spirit of peace.
Littlefeather: How long you think that shit will last?
Smith: We have much to learn from each other. For example, we'd like to grow maize.
Littlefeather: Why not just steal it? You stole everything else.
Smith: Anyway, it is good to eat with you. Would you pass the salt?
Littlefeather: Get it your own damn self. I ain't passin' no goddamn salt.
That first Thanksgiving consisted of a hearty repast of turkey, corn, potatoes, yams and smallpox. It lasted for three days, giving rise to the now-accepted custom of guests coming over and not leaving for three days.
Established in Plymouth, Massachusetts (now DaimlerChrysler, Massachusetts), Thanksgiving moved on to Colonial Williamsburg, where the menu included new items such as cornbread and chocolate coins from the gift shop.
Soon all the colonies observed Thanksgiving. As time went on, Indians were replaced by relatives, so that hostilities could break out during the meal rather than after it.
Thanksgiving also caught on in Canada, where it is exactly the same except the government pays for your turkey.
On October 3, 1789, President George Washington created the first Thanksgiving Day by agreement with both houses of Congress. It was the last time both houses agreed on anything without arguing. Historians speculate that if Joe Lieberman had been in office in 1789, they would still be filibustering Thanksgiving now.
From Lincoln on, Thanksgiving was celebrated on the last Thursday of November. FDR moved it up to the third Thursday to give merchants a longer period to sell goods before Christmas. This caused great confusion, which meant that some people had two Thanksgivings and had to suffer through two sets of family gatherings.
A transcript from a Depression-era Thanksgiving has been handed down to us. Here is an excerpt:
Soup Kitchen Server: It is good of you to eat with us. How many are in your party?
Boxcar Willie: 1,654. What are you serving?
Soup Kitchen Server: Roast bite of turkey with all the trimming.
Boxcar Willie: What trimming is that?
Soup Kitchen Server: You have a choice of scrap or morsel.
Boxcar Willie: Oh, good. Could we get a crumb as well?
Soup Kitchen Server: No. You want a drop to drink? I can give you a drop.
Boxcar Willie: Got any Diet Sterno?
This year's hottest new Macy's balloon
Today Thanksgiving is celebrated by a new tradition, giant balloons in Macy's Chapter 11 Parade. Each year a new balloon is unveiled. This year's new balloon is Balloon Boy, and is the only balloon that is allowed to escape from the parade route and fly around until it is brought down by the military and its owner gets a reality show.
If the Pilgrims were around today, they'd be amazed by the changes to their holiday. Also, they'd be 423 years old.
John Marshall has won the big part of the wishbone 14 out of 37 times.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.