05/07/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

New From Lil' Kim Jong Il!


Lil' Kim Jong Il
Unverifiable K.I.M.

North Korea's #1 diminutive player hater, who has amassed 17 palaces, one wife, three mistresses and two missile tests, has given the world another unsanctioned release, backed by heavyweight producers China and Russia.

The world's smallest bad boy boasts about the Kwangmyongsong-2 satellite he claims was the reason for his unauthorized rocket launch in "Suck My Kwang" and brags about his country's current standing in "Who's Number One in Chronic Food Shortages?"

Sampling both his father, the late Kim Il-sung from Rogues Wit' Attitude ("F___ Tha Security Council") and his mentor, Fat Joe Stalin ("We Purgin'"), Lil' Kim Jong Il remixes old destabilizing ideas to create the world's first derivative dictatorship.

The aging playboy ruler's desire to blow it up, old school, is revealed by a strong 1970's influence (Fonzie's hair, John Denver's glasses) which suggests a misplaced nostalgia for that decade's nuclear arms race, M*A*S*H or both.

Lil' Kim Jong Il not only defied the world by releasing this CD, he gives every indication of stockpiling enough material to release another one. Like Napoleon or Eazy-E, his size belies his ambition - to get more straight-up gangsta buzz than fellow Axis of Evil artist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Originally scheduled to take part in a six-nation jam devoted to his nukes, the North Korean head of state is now likely to remain a solo personality cult. Although this CD is largely viewed as a failure - just like his Taepodong 2 missile which fizzled in the Sea of Japan - Lil' Kim Jong Il likely has more Il things up his lil' sleeve.

More albums including Fed Zeppelin and Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's the Sachs Pistols are at John Marshall's fake Rolling Stone website, Lil' Kim Jong Il cover by Rick Majestic.