06/01/2010 03:40 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

The BP Comic: Live From Louisiana


The following is a transcript from a recent set by The BP Comic:

Anybody here from Louisiana? Which species?

You know what BP stands for: Big Phuck-Up.

I know you're out there, I can hear the oil seeping into your feathers.

What's the difference between strong offshore drilling regulations and ghosts? Ghosts exist.

A pelican and a turtle walk into a Louisiana bar. They both died.

Why is it that oil and water don't mix, but oil and government do? Department of the Interior, back me up.

You think it's easy being the most hated Britishers since Wham?

Can you believe we call this disaster a "spill"? That's like calling Avatar a "movie."

The most successful thing England has done recently was The Office - a show about a business that didn't function properly. That should have told you something right there.

As the Beatles sang, all you need is love. That and the ability to stand up to incompetents.

Watch it, sir - do I come down to where you work and knock the blowout preventer out of YOUR ass?

Thanks, folks, I'll be here all summer. Actually, I'll be here all whatever you call the cycle of a coastal ecosystem. Try the eel... maybe you'd better not.

The BP Comic is on tour and will next appear all over the coast of Florida. No towns, just all over the coast of Florida.