(With apologies to Sarah Palin and her ghostwriter. And Michele Bachmann.)
No Solace in the Quantum
By Michele Bachmann
When a piece of bread dropped by a swallow can stop the universe from being destroyed, the radical so-called "nuclear physicists" who tell us that nothing really exists appear to have hit a tipping point. The revelation that the Large Hadron Collider was shut down last month allows the American public to finally understand the concerns so many of us have articulated on this issue.
"Quantum-gate," as this incident has become known, exposes a highly-politicized scientific circle at the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN) -- the same circle whose work underlies efforts to foist a bizarre worldview on the public that reflects a socialistic view of the behavior of subatomic particles and cats and threatens lead us down a slippery slope toward fascism. The agenda-driven policies now showing up even in high school textbooks and popular movies won't change the Newtonian conception of matter and energy, but they would change our society and our children's minds for the worse.
The work of these "quantum mechanics" reveals that they have employed something called an "uncertainty principle" to manipulate data and since the 1930s have tried to silence their critics, including the great Albert Einstein, with their blasphemous assertion that God plays dice. What's more, their work shows that there was no real consensus on the fundamental nature of reality even within the CERN crowd and in other organizations that make up the United Nations' Ministry of Science, Regulation, Propaganda and Bureaucracy. Some scientists had strong doubts about the accuracy of estimates about wave-particle duality going back to an unspeakable ritual called the "double slit experiment."
This scandal calls into question the U.S. government's energy, environment, and health-related policies. If we supposedly cannot know with precision where something is or its momentum, it is a license for our government to do anything it wants. Quantum theory says that an observer can literally change reality. What is to stop the Obama White House from sending out teams of ACORN-trained "observers" to "change" our communities into whatever they want? We are now a fraction of a quantum away from tyranny.
I've always believed that policy should be based on sound science, not politics. We must recognize that subatomic physics is still an unreliable and, frankly, somewhat creepy field not in keeping with our American traditions. Scientists are using money taken from the hard work of taxpayers for research into very tiny particles including quarks, muons and gluinos. Those names may be some kind of European-derived code for organizing a fifth column, but never mind that. These crypto-particles allegedly exist for just a few nanoseconds at very high energy states. How do we know they were ever there at all? To put it another way: you will never be able to convince me or my constituents that my cat is alive and dead at the same time. She looks pretty alive to me. Well, asleep. But definitely breathing. Trust me!
Perhaps these flaws can one day be addressed with bigger microscopes and better slide technologies. But for the moment, let me just say, we in Minnesota are sensible, bottom-line folk. Seeing is believing. If we can't say with assurance what happens on scales smaller than the width of my pinkie toe, President Obama, we owe it to the American people to base our policies accordingly.
(This post first appeared on my True/Slant blog. No, it is not really by Michele Bachmann.)