11/18/2011 09:28 am ET Updated Jan 18, 2012

Top 10 Ways You Know You Are Dealing With an Investment Banker

I got introduced to speak at Occupy San Diego tonight as an ex-investment banker from Goldman Sachs. So, I started my talk by saying, "I was an investment banker, and I'm sorry." I then went on to list the top ten ways you know you are dealing with an investment banker.

10 - Your time is worth $100 an hour and his time is worth $500 an hour, so he's losing $400 an hour just talking to you.

9 - In a business deal, he get's the gold mine and you get the shaft.

8 - In a recession, his bonus gets larger.

7 - He's always complaining about the leg room in his Ferrari.

6 - He thinks "flying coach" is a football term.

5 - Three words he has never heard, "Attention K-Mart Shoppers!"

4 - He spends $35,000 for breakfast with the President and the entire breakfast he complains about how little access he has.

3 - The kind of life insurance he carries pays off if you die.

2 - He's very polite. When he's finished screwing you he always promises to call.

1 - Why he loves New York -- two words -- "Bailout City".