With the massive financial sector meltdown going on, the stock market tumbling and those women from The View picking your bones, it's hard to keep straight why lipstick on a pig is bad and lipstick on a pitbull is good. So I'm back with another new Guide to the Conservative Palinguage. In honor of the biggest one day market drop since 2001, we're focusing this week mostly -- but not exclusively -- on the economy. Feel free to laugh all you want because the fundamentals of our economy are strong, so we have nothing to fear but fear itself!
Thanks to everyone who offered up their Palinisms. You can find Vols 1 & 2 over at That Minority Thing.
Crutnacker says: If you supported a war that is costing $2.4 billion a day, you're a patriot who wants smaller government. If you oppose the war, you're a defeatist who wants big government.
Leftcoastliberal Says: Democrats who balance the budget and lower unemployment are tax and spend liberals. Republicans who run record deficits and crash the housing market are fiscally responsible.
Cameron says: If you chant 'Drill, Baby, Drill" you are positing an effective and responsible energy plan, science and logic be damned. If you chant "Yes, We Can" you are a mindless automaton.
David says: If you're a Democrat and you prefer wine over beer, you are an "elitist." If you're a Republican and you prefer a beer heiress over your first wife, you are a "committed family man."
Jimbo says: When you waste a million dollars on just one tomahawk missile you are seeking to SAVE American lives. When you want to utilize a million dollars for stem cell research you are seeking to DESTROY the American way of Life.
Kane says: If you're a Republican, all of your errors and misjudgments are for history to decide. If you're a Democrat, all of your errors and misjudgments are for voters to decide.
Judy says: If you're a Democrat who has been in the Senate for two years, you are a Washington insider who will only give us more of the same. If you're a Republican who has been in the Senate for 26 years, you are a Washington outsider and the candidate for change.
Susan says: If you're a Democrat and promise to cut the taxes of 95% of all Americans, you're raising taxes. If you're a Republican (in a state with no state income tax and no state sales tax) and give a $1,200 rebate from oil income to all taxpayers, you're cutting taxes.
Tanya says: If you are a black you are only voting for Obama because he is black too. If you are white and voting for Obama it is because you have white guilt. If you are not voting for Obama you are patriotic and a proud American.
David says: If you are Sarah Palin, you have no idea what the Bush Doctrine is. If you are an Iraqi, you know exactly what the Bush Doctrine is.
Bhutan says: Jesus was a community organizer. Pontius Pilot was a Governor.
I suggest you amend the "Washington outsider" portion to read "an Original Maverick."
For those not living in swing states drowning in 25 or so campaign commercials per hour, McPalin still runs an ad declaring BOTH McCain and Palin as "the Original Mavericks" who will make history and change Washington. It even STILL claims that Palin stopped the Bridge to Nowhere - even though contrary evidence is ancient news.
Anyway, If you ever paln to publish these in any form (other than a blog), I think that would sound better:
Judy says: If you're a Democrat who has been in the Senate for two years, you are a Washington insider who will only give us more of the same. If you're a Republican who has been in the Senate for 26 years, you are a[n Original Maverick] and the candidate for change
If you try and blame Obama for "exercising poor judgment" and contributing to the Wall Street crisis for not rushing into a hasty decision and just throwing out any old plan to try to clean it up like you did and selecting Sarah Palin you are still John McCain.
Know what? I sincerely want a president who I can respect as better than me. I want more honorable, more thoughtful, more controlled, more confident, more successful and more open to new ideas than I can manage. If that is elitist, that is exactly what I am voting for. The size, shape, religion, wealth, color, sex, or hairiness of the candidate does not matter a whit . What matters is whether they could be a good president , EVEN FOR THE PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH THEM.
I do not get a sense from the Republicans that they could manage that last part. Pretty well proved that over the past few years, haven't they...
If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, left your ill wife, and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.
If your resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city
council and 6 years as the mayor of a town of 7,000 people, 2 years as governor of a state of 650,000 people, you're qualified to be a heartbeat away from the presidency.
Just a heartbeat away! God help us all!
If you worked in your community 25 years ago helping those who needed help and you're Democrat, you need to give the name, current address, telephone number, and names of grandparents, parents, siblings and children of everyone you've ever come across and have them testify that you did, indeed, help them and they must be prepared to list every single thing you've ever done for them.
An Obama oriented 527 ad waiting to be made.
OBAMA/BIDEN 08 AND 12!