Your Pocket Guide to Speaking Palin-guage (Vol. 1)

Up in the Twin Cities area folks are speaking a new language. Or, should I say Palinguage. It sounds sorta familiar because it's Latin based. But different from the plain English we're used to speaking, in Palinguage recognizable words take on new meanings. Won't you take a moment to learn some Plainguage so you can talk like a hypocritical conservative?

REPEAT THE FOLLOWING:

If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "token hire." If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over more qualified candidates you're a "game changer."

If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father." (Actually, according to your own MySpace page you're an F'n redneck that don't want any kids, but that's too long a phrase for the evil liberal media to take out of context and flog morning noon and night).

Black teen pregnancies? A "crisis" in black America. White teen pregnancies? A "blessed event."

If you grow up in Hawaii you're "exotic." Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, you're the quintessential "American story."

Similarly, if you name you kid Barack you're "unpatriotic." Name your kid Track, you're "colorful."

If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting the individual you're "reckless." A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a "maverick."

If you say that for the "first time in my adult lifetime I'm really proud of my country" it makes you "unfit" to be First Lady. If you are a registered member of a fringe political group that advocates secession that makes you "First Dude."

A DUI from twenty years ago is "old news." A speech given without proper citation from twenty years ago is "relevant information."

And, finally, if you're a man and you decide to run for office despite your wife's recurrence of cancer you're a "questionable spouse." If you're a woman and you decide to run for office despite having five kids including a newborn... Well, we don't know what that is 'cause THAT'S NOT A FAIR QUESTION TO ASK.

Got some Palinguage? They're keeping tabs here.

Comments

[YouDisgustMe]

*standing ovation*

[CindyM2008]

O bama, 19 months on the campaign trail = we still don't know him.
Pa lin, 19 hours on the campaign trail = all american, SHE'S ONE OF US!

[YR]

If a black Democratic presidential candidate was an affirmative action selection (akin to the legacy selection for McCain) at the Naval Academy and graduated 894 out of 899, Fox News and the conservative right would push this story as the basis for his disqualification for the nation"s highest office. The rest of the media would then be forced to report on it, giving the story wide exposure.

If a white Republican presidential candidate graduated magna cum laude from Harvard (actually Obama), he would be celebrated as an intellectual giant ready to lead the country in bold new directions. But since we are talking Obama here, his education fits into the "uppity" and presumptuous narrative.

[NotPaidToSayThis]

If a Democrat generates excitement by giving numerous truthful speeches that inspire people around the world, he's a "celebrity," which is bad. If a Republican generates excitement before a crowd of partisans by rattling off a string of mean-spirited lies fed to her by a speechwriter, "a star is born," which is good.

[HopefulinNY]

If you hunt and kill defenseless animals and believe in the death penalty you are PRO-LIFE.

If you believe that all life is sacred including animals, those falsely imprisoned and awaiting the death penalty and those homeless who sleep on our streets you are CRAZY.

[meleon]

How did you get that out of my head?! Seriously, you have succinctly said what was all a jumble in my mind about the blatant double standard being boldly perped and pimped by the GOP.

[Zoolie]

McCain has more flip-flops than a Dollar General Store. And how many times has he re-invented his campaign?

His "Slogan du Jour" should be:

CHANGE YOU CAN COUNT ON

[barackobama4prez]

Double speak regressives. it works. they lie and lie and lie and people just eat it up and vote for them anyway. it speaks more about the kinds of voters we have in this country than it does about the candidates.

[T-Bear]

Once again, I am lost for words...You always hit the nail on the head¦I still don't understand how anyone can truly believe that the media is bias against conservatives...For the last few weeks McCain has been complaining and whining about how the media gave Barack more coverage than they received. Never once did the media point out that a large portion of that coverage was negative. Barack has been vetted in the media for over 20 months but yet he is still called exotic. This lady steps on the seen from Alaska " currently under investigation " talks about killing a moose and polar bears, lying about her accomplishments and now is a formable candidate with outstanding morals¦What???....No wonder this countries rating has gone down in the opinion of the world¦One of the ladies in my office ask me, today, if I was excited about the Palin pick. She was surprised when I said no. She could not understand how a successful woman could not be excited about a woman having the chance to be in the White House. I explained fervently that I was not voting for Barack because he was a black man and I would not vote for a woman who is running on being a woman. It is demeaning to think that I would give her a pass because she is a woman. I want fair treatment not preferred treatment.

[TOOO]

Sadly, you're preaching to the choir. Conservatives don't know, don't want to know. It's the old joke: "My mind is made up, don't confuse me with facts."

People where I work still believe Bush "freed Iraq and Afghanistan." And that's all they care about.

As the previous poster said: "You can't cure stupid."

[charmedgreenquark]

Hit the nail on the head with this article.

[jjeff]

I love your examples of Palinspeak.
But, although many English words have Latin (as well as Greek, and other) roots, English grammar is nothing like Latin grammar.

[Mebecausewhynot]

In Palin and GOP speak, it seems to be that having a seventeen year-old daughter pregnant provides a greater reason for the GOP to be proud. In fact, Cindy McCain seems to indicate that packing heat is another reason to be proud. I am frightened of the world that the GOP is supposedly proud of, a world where teenagers are pregnant (but keeping the baby) and everyone of age carries a weapon.

I have to say that I see better for America

[blog4um]

You said exactly what I was thinking! BRAVO

[nazcalito]

"If you live in an Urban area and you get a girl pregnant you're a "baby daddy." If you're the same in Alaska you're a "teen father."

-- how about "If you're black and married to a guy for five years before you have your first baby, then you're a baby mama?"

[Kim445588]

Good point