I Need a Wii Bit of Parenting Advice, So Put Down Your Joysticks and Read This Post!

The pressure's building. Bells. Whistles. Clack, clack, clack. Zonk zonk. Swish, swoosh. Kapowie. Level one, level two, level three. Wah, wah. Game over.

Help! My precious kids want deluxe video games for the holidays. Almost all of their friends (so they say) have them: Wii. X-Box. PlayStation. Game Boy.

So far, for the most part, we've kept these addictive, brain-numbing, time-destroying technologies away from our household. My kids actually read books, believe it or not. They play outdoors. They distinguish between their friends who are "indoors" kids (i.e., gamers) versus those who are "outdoors" kids (basketball, soccer, tag, pogo-sticking, skateboarding, roller skating, jump roping, running around, play-playing).

Mind you, we're not latter-day Luddites. We haven't sealed our kids off completely from the steady-stream of corporate-sponsored electronic gadgetry aimed right at their neural pleasure points. Along the way we've granted them limited and screened access to television, movies, and some low-level computer games (especially the educational variety aimed at really young children). But long ago they graduated from Dora the Explorer and Arthur. They want more. And the next round of high-definition, eye-popping, adrenalin-pumping graphics and world-enveloping interactivity frightens me. I just see the potential for wasting a good chunk of their young lives on a time-devouring activity that produces negligible derivative benefits (don't tell me about improved hand-eye coordination from hitting the space key). I'm afraid that these glitzy entertainment centers will crowd out the slower virtues of life: Creativity. Character. Community.

Am I being old-fashioned? Am I wrong about this? Should we, as parents, be holding the line, or should we just let them go at it, acceding to the ubiquity of digitization, trusting that cultural advances come in generational waves that make sense only in retrospect, like the Beatles and disco.

We made the crucial mistake a while back of allowing just a few of these insidious devices into their lives. Last year, we bought each of them a tamagotchi. The little thing looked cute and harmless--and lots of their friends had them clipped to their school backpacks. We thought (read: rationalized) that taking care of your on-screen tamagotchi pet might impart a small lesson in responsibility. But then tamagotchis connect to an on-line world called Tamagotchi Town, with seductive games and spellbinding whatnot.

That gateway drug led to something called Club Penguin. And that on-line experience led to something called Webkinz. Does the general Huffpo readership realize how wildly popular the Webkinz stuffed animals, along with their computer-based avatars, are among the grade school crowd?

My kids now request "Webkinz play dates," where they get together with their flesh-and-bones friends to play on-line with their respective Webkinz on-screen animals, apparently obviating the need for playing with each other face-to-face outdoors. When your graphics engine produces a much more fast-paced, technicolored experience than does the sun-drenched outside world, why settle for the latter?

From my perspective, my little boy needs a new bike. My little girl could use a new tennis racket. It kind of breaks my heart to know in advance that if they receive a new bike and a new tennis racket for Christmas instead of a new Wii, they will be sorely disappointed. They think they'd rather learn to play Wii tennis, which they can master instantly with a wave of the magic wand, whereas learning to play tennis on a true-to-life hard court takes some time and discipline. Problem is, for young kids, learning Wii tennis versus learning actual tennis is a mutually exclusive, zero-sum proposition.

My wife is weakening. "Maybe we can strike a balance and limit their playing time." I just don't think it works that way, much like you don't allow just a few drags from a crack pipe. But who wants to play the heavy during the holidays? And what parents want their kids to be ostracized as the non-Wii nerds? Maybe it's a lost cause: We can't just stuff their stockings with retro-toys from our childhood eras.

Huffpo readers: Give us strength! Give us advice! Give us reassurance! Give us perspective! Make sense of this Wii-world for us. Maybe a virtual community of knowledgeable insiders is the best place to look for the proper limits to our techno-mediated activities. Or is it too late to draw a line in the sand?

Comments

[shedances]

Wii is the first thing on my children's holiday 'wish list' ... but the very last thing I want Santa to bring them!

LOL.

[Kodachi]

There's nothing magical about video games or the Internet that retard kids' social skills, discourage responsible behavior in 20-somethings, or make people sit on the couch rather than get up and play a sport. They're media, just like books and movies. I've been ignored more often by workers chatting with other workers than workers playing on the Internet. People who don't have the motivation to exercise would switch to other sedentary activities if all the TVs and computers in the world suddenly shorted out.

Do you object to board games or toys? For multiplayer games, that's what video games replace. Wii has several party games that are designed to be played by multiple people. They're a lot of fun, and they're a social activity for kids just like playing Monopoly or Scrabble.

[JScott]

Hmm I'd say get them more interested in the 'real' thing and then they'd find out the Wii or related toys are really pale in comparison. Plan a vacation and let em do the research with travel sites, history sites and google earth. Kinda felt that way about that easy bake oven-why give a kid that when they can cook in a real kitchen at home, do real grocery shopping and real meal preparation, real kitchen cleanup, learn some valuable life skills in the process.

[TucsonEd]

Dude, I'm 53 years old. The 20 somethings that are entering the work force having been raised primarily during the rise of the internet are seriously lacking in any kind of focus or work ethic.

They are unable to let go of that cell phone or tear themselves away from email. We have customers sitting in the lobby waiting and they don't think it's important to wait to on them until the finish doing whatever on the internet.

They don't understand how anything they do or do not do affects thier co-workers. For instance when I pointed out that we could not read her handwriting I was told snappily "Well WHAT do you do want me to do??? change my handwriting just for you?" never mind no one in the office can read it. Important documents were left unprotected but thankfully were not ruined when an unexpected rain storm hit. But of course that was not her fault. So guess who gets to babysit this 25year old mother now and make sure she gets the mail delivered???? Yup this 53 year old grandmother.

Keep your kids away from that video games because they don't teach them how to interact in the real world or be responible.

[sandhi]

The answer is simple: You limit their time.

Why are parents today so afraid to tell their children what the rules are?
You are the parent. You make the rules. You tell your kid the rules and that is that.

When my son was in grade school, he had NO tv or video games on school nights. That was the law and there just weren't any complaints.

I had so many people tell me that they'd never get away with this with their kids. I just don't understand this. I really don't.

You can't change the fact that Wii's are here to stay, and eventually your kids will start playing them. But you can absolutely control their playing habits.

[carsick]

My, now 11 year old, boy may not be representative and I think online sites like webkinz are the "crack" but...
the Wii games generally suck at this point but the initial games (re: Wii sports and Wii games) are fun and active. Most others don't know how to use the wii technology yet.
Keep your kids off the internet. Their little hearts will go pitter patter when they see a Wii console and can play with you and mom. Their interest will not get fanatical because the good games are few and far between. What's better than your kids being a bit bored by technology?...not enough, mind you, that they will ever be disappointed by getting a Wii. It's fun and cool. Just not Halo3 cool. I don't want my kid to be that cool yet. There is time enough for him to get addicted to online games and communities. In the mean time, Wii Sports and Wii Games are the way to go.

[ftblgrl]

I am still in the Dora stage with my girls but from watching my nieces and nephews it would seem to me that children do as their parents do. My one sister is rather lazy and doesn't go out often. Her children follow her example and tend to be found inside the house, on the computer or watching tv.

My other sister is always on the go and her daughter emulates that.

I say buy the wii, play it with your kids and use it as tool to teach moderation.

[JimSullivan]

Hi John:

I wish I could reassure you, but I share most of your anxieties. From what I have read and discussed with my students, fantasy games do take gamers to a visually richer, socially easier world in which identities can be easily adopted or abandoned.

And there are a surprising number of people who do spend far more time than they should in these virtual worlds. I even had one student--a brilliant student who was writing cool papers and even joined me on a trip to an orphanage in Tijuana--who dropped our class because she was spending 30+ hours a week playing World of Warcraft. And as you know, the dorms of Harvey Mudd College are sprinkled with gaming fanatics--who knows where that will lead us.

But the game addicted social separatists in my experience are relatively few and far between. So far, I take heart from the many talented college students I meet who play a few games now and then (or even have a favorite that they became a little bit obsessed with) who have gone on to what look like happy, productive, intellectually engaged, and socially connected lives.

Perhaps our best hope as parents is to model the kind of limited engagement that thinks critically about technology but also has some fun with so that we can help our children keep it in perspective.

Dude!...I'd like to talk more about this, but I haven't checked my email in about five minutes...

[Jude2004]

I look at it this way. When I was a kid, I played lots of Monopoly and equal parts of solitaire. My kids are voracious readers. You've obviously already figured out how to make your kids that way as well. I would buy the Wii with a few select games and let them use them all they want during vacation. As soon as they return to school, set limits and use them for rewards. The advantages of the Wii are many; for example, my 13-year-old finally watched Wimbledon with me last summer because he understand how the scoring works in tennis. You are the parent, so you will control how much they can use them. Besides, Wii-ing is something you can do *with* your kids, which is especially true of Wii sports.

I even gave in and purchased an M-rated game for my son this year. He showed me reviews of the game that talked about why it received its rating; he convinced me that it wasn't worse than some of the rated T games he has; and ultimately I gave in because he agreed not to kill anyone when he grows up. After I purchased it, I watched him play it for 45 minutes to make sure it was okay. He and the reviewers were right--it didn't deserve an M rating.

[rip]

Sounds as if your equating videogames with sloth. In other words, you seem to think videogames are the same as watching 24 hours of America's Next Top Model. Just because you happen to use a tv for videogaming, it is not the same as watching tv.

One could just as easily argue sports are brain-numbing. As in dumb jock.

I understand your point. And I'm not going argue that video games are better than true learning. However, videogames are clearly mentally stimulating. Puzzle-solving, hand-eye coordination, reading (yes, there is actually text to be read in games), achievement, etc. are all a part of gaming. In other words, videogames make you use your brain.

As for exercise, try playing 2 hours of Wii sports or Wii fit or Dance Dance Revolution and then tell me there isn't a workout involved.

What makes you think some retro toy is somehow superior? All the qualities that make an old toy or game fun or worthwhile exist in videogames.

fyi, I grew up playing videogames. I also read voraciously as a child, reading 2-4 books a week. And I happen to be physically fit and played sports as a child. But what I didn't do, and my parents didn't allow me to do, is watch 30 hours of tv a week. Television makes you stupid, gaming does not.

And it's xBox 360, not x-box. And the Gameboy is circa 2000, not 2007. I'm fairly sure it isn't produced anymore. And it's PlayStation 3. The PlayStation, as you referred to it, was years and years ago.

You just sound hopelessly out of date and hung up on popular misconceptions.

[DenverJuggler]

We've got kids that are physically active too.
We got the Wii and it's really nice.
The way the Wii works you swing the Wii remote as you would a racket like you're playing tennis when you play or a baseball bat when you're batting. If they're doing the real movements than it *can* translate into the real world from the virtual world. When you bowl, you bring your wrist over as you would when you're bowling to hook the ball into the pocket. There is Dance Dance Revolution which we don't have for the Wii yet but had for the PS2 and that was great exercise. The fun thing for us is my wife and I play the games with kids more on the Wii than with other gaming consoles. My mother-in-law likes to 'bowl' with them too. I think it's a fun system and my kids still enjoy physical activity and don't completely check-out of the physical world and check-in to the virtual world to play Club Penguin, Webkinz, or the Wii.
Hope this helped.
Good luck with your decision.

[Koby]

As someone who grew up playing video games during the 80s and a good chunk of the 90s. I say, let the kids have the video games. However in my parents house, we were sometimes limited in what we could play.

Depending on the games you allow your children to play, video games can teach several real life concepts (like problem solving, eye-hand coordination, and even school subjects).

Keep in mind that if you don't let your kids play the games in your own house, they will play them at their friend's house. Better to let them do it in your own house where you have some level of control.

[mommadona]

Get'em the bike. Get'em the tennis racket.

If they want the Wii, they can save up their money for it.

And, if and when they get that Wii, THEY are responsible for purchasing all the games for it themselves.

Nothing like 'economic incentive' to make something special seem so special (if it really IS that special in the first place - peer pressure does creepy things.)

As a post "Masters of the Universe" mom - IF IT IS THAT IMPORTANT TO THEM,They can then use their OWN money for the pleasure.

(PS: No, you CANNOT buy a child's 'love'. Don't fall for that 'guilt' trap.)

[FearlessFreep]

Get your kids some less mind-numbing computer games, like King's Quest or Myst.

[foolwriter]

Sir,

I realize you have your children's best interests in mind, but in all honesty, I find the tone of your article offensive.

I grew up with the games, from the Atari 2600 through my current Nintendo Wii. Contrary to popular stereotyping, I also read at least 2-3 books a month along with the daily newspaper and the HuffPost. I get outside as much as I like, for someone who grew up in the environmental lotto that is Michigan. I even have reasonably well developed social skills.

I knew quite a few gamers of above average intellect, curiosity and sophistication. I also know more than a few willfully ignorant sports fanatics, socially awkward romance-novel enthusiasts and other rather unpleasant devotees of what you would term "normal" hobbies and activities.

As with all things, it's a measure of how they're used that define a pursuit's worth. For me, the joy of a good game lies in the telling of a good story, the challenge of puzzle-solving (I also do daily Sudoku and crosswords), a fascination with evolving technologies, and even unexpected contact with other players all over the world.

My advice to you is to remember that each generation views the world differently, and each generation views the next as hopelessly lost in whatever new thing has come along since they were children.

If you do decide to risk your children growing up like me, take the time to research what kind of games are out there, and choose those that can be intellectually stimulating and challenging. SimCity is both enjoyable and rewarding as an introduction to civic planning. I've friends who play online with people from Japan, France, Argentina, and other locales.

I also know a number of professional animators, writers, web designers, musicians, and others whose first inkling of their future career came from those little plastic boxes.

I know I'm preaching, but I've had to make this argument many, many times. After all is said and done, I wish you and your family a very merry Christmas.